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Richard Walker

One Liner

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She asked me to take a look at her computer. I said, "There's no point. I know what they look like".

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Richard Walker

A Hundred Years From Now

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A thousand lies, a million tears.

A hundred years from now, who cares?


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Richard Walker

Mondegreen

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Collected less than an hour ago and still fresh

A. Are you alright?

B. I'm alright. It's them others!

(pause)

A. Whose mothers?

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Richard Walker

Research

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 14 Jul 2016, 04:34

According to The Times (p.12, 13 July 2016)

"Drinking a large glass of water with a meal tricks the brain into thinking you are full, researchers say."

The article does go on to elaborate what the 19 people in the study consumed: 50 ml or water, or 350 ml. Those that drank the greater amount felt fuller.

I don't have any difficulty in believing the findings, even though it was not a proper double-blind trial. (The subjects at least must have an idea how much they drank, even if the researchers didn't.) My own self-experiments, using beer rather than water, strongly confirm the results of the study and suggest it is a repeatable effect, although lacking the surprise factor somewhat.




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Richard Walker

Larry

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 14 Jul 2016, 04:33

Larry! You are the Hidden Paw.
That keeps us all from civil war.

P.S. Horrified to see a writer in the Times describe him as a "Brown and white tabby". When I asked Larry about this, he riposted: "Bloody journalists can't get anything right! We tabby and whites are fed up to the back teeth with it".


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Richard Walker

A Proverb Come True

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Today I made a train journey. When I got back I was hot and bothered; and hobbling a bit, the result of an old apple-scrumping injury that plays me up now and again.

Being lame, I thought I'd take the long way home. It's quite a pleasant walk on a summer day and doesn't involve any hills.

I'd forgotten about the stile.

You'll never guess what happened. I was having a real struggle – but suddenly a dog appeared out of nowhere and helped me over the stile. It was one of those big Swiss rescue dogs.

Incredibly, under its chin it carried a miniature cask of chilled alpine spring water. I would never have believed it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

(Ed. Such a big story. Someone stopped their car and offered him a lift home is all.)



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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Contactless cards? Too risky. I wouldn't touch them.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I didn't like being buked in the first place. When I was rebuked I took it badly.

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Richard Walker

Elves again >sigh

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We're expecting business to go crackers this Xmas, so we've recently enrolled some Swiss elves.

Not sure about their humor, but "time will tell" as you might say! Their first effort has a rather pedantic feel to it though.

Question: What shoes are worn by European brood-parasitic birds?

Answer: Cuckoo clogs.

See what I mean?

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Richard Walker

Einzeiler

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I'm meant to be on a diet. But whenever I start eating German sausages, things just go from brat to wurst.

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Richard Walker

Iron In The Soul

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Did you know that cornflakes contain metallic iron, in finely powdered form, as a dietary supplement. It's only 2.4 mg per serving but...

So strong are neodymium magnets that if you float cornflakes on a bowl of water they can be steered about by the attraction of the magnet. It works best with the ones in the middle: those near the sides probably have some surface tension forces on them as well.

If you don't believe me try it. Steering cornflakes is the best feeling. smile


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Richard Walker

Duck

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She threw a jug at me. What an absolutely beautiful parabolic trajectory!

That's what I call pottery in motion.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I loved Judo for years. But then I threw it over.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 10 Jul 2016, 21:09

My abacus is broken again. I just can't count on it.

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Richard Walker

Truthless

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 10 Jul 2016, 14:00

They swore that It was true. Surprise, surprise,

It turned out someone had been telling lies.

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Richard Walker

Tall Tale

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 10 Jul 2016, 13:04

The other day I receiver a parcel marked "Feathers from the goose that laid the golden eggs."

Well I ask you!

Returned to sender and wrote upon it: "There's no way I'm going to take this lying down."

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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The Pound's gone down. I feel much lighter already.

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Richard Walker

Seeing Bryan Wynter

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The marvelous poem I mentioned led me to seek out the painter.

Here is a landscape I think is very good*. It reminds me of many others I admire.


It came from this article on Bryan Wynter

http://www.artcornwall.org/interviews/Michael_Bird_on_Bryan_Wynter_and_St_Ives.htm


* If I get a take down notice for this work, I shall of course move it to the floor.

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Richard Walker

Haiku : "Sunset Roses"

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I'm getting so old now
I forget to smell the roses.
What a bad mistake!













Written walking home tonight 9/7/16
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Richard Walker

Dear Bryan Wynter

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 7 Jul 2016, 22:41

Just a few weeks back an old school friend died in extremely sad circumstances.

I thought briefly that I might be able to write a requiem, but I see now that I can't.

Whatever I produced would be a poor imitation of the poem in the title. It was the first thing that came in to mind when I heard the news, even while I was still listening on the phone.

Dear Bryan Wynter

This is only a note
To say how sorry I am
You died. You will realize
What a position it puts
Me in. I couldn’t really
Have died for you if so
I were inclined. The carn
Foxglove here on the wall
Outside your first house
Leans with me standing
In the Zennor wind.

I love it for the voice: matter of fact, but still wondering why a person can be gone, yet we feel them close.

Bryan Winter was a real person, and here you can hear the background to what I think is a marvelous poem. You will also be able to hear the poet's own voice.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01f117r

The circumstantial detail: the blue hat, the long legs, the foxglove, the church: wormed their way inside my head the first time I read the poem.

The complete poem is here.


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Richard Walker

In The Steps Of A Master....

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Whenever I have an early start the next day, I climb the stairs to bed going backwards. That way it's a lot easier running back down in the morning.

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Richard Walker

Alphonse Allais

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Speaking of Alphonse Allais (as I was a few days back, because I am planning a seafood adventure holiday in Honfleur), I was reminded of one of his most famous quips.

At that time, I had not yet invented my frosted-glass aquarium for shy fish.


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Richard Walker

Primary Lessons For The New Age

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When I was very young we had to do a lot of rote learning. Here's a couple of examples, but updated for the present day of course.

Definition

Promise: Possibility. As in "A series of possibilities".

Proverb

Divorce in haste, repent at leisure.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Necromancy. Is it the same as dead reckoning? Can anyone give me a steer on this?

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Richard Walker

Swiftlet

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 5 Jul 2016, 23:16

I have escaped the nest

To see the rose, the gold, the dusky velvet.

And fly for evermore.

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