Is it me or is it becoming increasingly difficult to get through a day without meeting someone who practices mindfulness, swears by meditation, or is convinced karma is a universal law? Only last week a friend just got back from a week-long vacation. She didn’t go to Spain or France or Italy. She went on a silent retreat in the woods. Ironically, she can’t shut up about it.
Buddhism, it seems, is well and truly on the move and it is scooping up people in droves. It won’t be long before saffron robes and sandals will be all the rage on the city streets.
But there is one Buddhist concept I have yet to see do the rounds in the juice bars and the yoga halls. The idea of near and far enemies. This is one of the cornerstones of Buddhist philosophy, but it has failed to ignite the imagination of all the new age hipsters. I can only guess it’s because understanding near and far enemies requires serious self-evaluation, an action that can’t be depicted in a selfie and posted on Instagram.
Buddhists, you are probably aware, love to go on about the importance of compassion, joy, and kindness. These qualities should be nurtured and cultivated through practice. But each of these also has what is known as a far enemy - an equal but opposite state. The far enemy of joy, for example, is sadness. For kindness it’s cruelty. This is a relatively easy concept to comprehend and should be easily identifiable within ourselves. If a friend breaks up with a girl and a week later we’re sending her text messages, chances are we’re on the opposite side of kindness.
The concept of near enemies are a little more difficult to wrap our head around. That’s because the near enemy is a state that closely resembles what we are trying to achieve (in some cases even indistinguishable from the real thing.) A popular example is compassion and its near enemy, pity. On paper they are almost synonyms but in practice they are worlds apart.
Let’s say, this time, our friend breaks his leg and we want to show care and compassion. Most likely we’re going to say “that’s awful” or “sorry to hear that”. But what does this mean? Straight away we have fallen into the trap of confusing pity with compassion. What we are really saying is: “Thank god that’s not me!”
Next we will probably follow up with the classic “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” This is a powerful sentence. It allows us to walk away, head held high, saintly in stature, compassion oozing from our pores. But let’s face it, a part of us is desperately hoping our friend doesn’t take up the offer. Again, we have failed the test because there was a complete lack of intent and feeling present.
Once I ventured down the rabbit hole of near enemies I saw them everywhere I looked. It fascinated me. People confusing arrogance with confidence, recklessness with courage, sex for love, materialistic satisfaction with happiness.
We are all guilty to a certain degree. Problem is we have fooled ourselves into believing our feelings are authentic. Last month my brother got a new job and I was thrilled for him. Genuinely thrilled. If I was hooked up to a polygraph I would have passed with flying colours. But on re-examination I realized I was more thrilled at the fact that his company was nearby mine and there was a strong prospect of him giving me a lift home every now and then.
So where does that leave us? Is the human race doomed because we have difficulties expressing genuine feelings? Should we all jump on the bandwagon and study Buddhism? I can’t answer any of those questions. But I will say that a little more authentic compassion and love in the world wouldn’t be a bad thing.
I’m starting to realize why this concept hasn’t caught on with the hipsters. Too damn difficult to solve.