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Richard Walker

Headline

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Give our children more playgrounds, swing voters say

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Richard Walker

Haiku For Autumn

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Autumn again,

And the leaves fly past so quickly.

I can't grab a single one.

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Richard Walker

Latest Startup

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My new startup sells the "Easy Putt" golf ball. The money simply rolls in.

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Richard Walker

Popsicle Stick Joke

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Richard Walker

Unique

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I do so admire, the youness of you.

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Richard Walker

Progress at Last

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 15 Sep 2017, 00:07


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Richard Walker

The Old Raaven

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 13 Sep 2017, 22:48

One day some young ravens, hardly more than chicks, went to visit the Oldest Raaven Of Awe. Their parents told them it was their duty, and besides they might learn stuff and pass it on to the next generation (ect ect bore yawn whadever.)

"Oldest Raaven of Awe", asked the littlest of the young ravens (being small makes you pretend to be brave), "What is it like to be OLD?".

The oldest Raaven looked at the little raven kindly, and replied.

"I cannot see so well, nor hear. My feathers are shedding, and I can no longer fly without my mobility wings. My appetites have all nearly gone, and only one is left. That is the thirst for knowledge, and it rages as strongly as ever. So for me every day is a blessing."

"Be well, ravenlets, and remember we are the cleverest of all birds. Always celebrate that, and may you all live long!"

Moral: Not all old Ravens are grumpy.


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Richard Walker

In Court Again

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I took a chance when I stole some bags of coal from the local garden centre. Later, in court, my lawyer explained I had a gambling addiction to fuel.
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Richard Walker

Autumn Haiku

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 10 Sep 2017, 00:49

My fan heater

Where I left it in Spring.

Too late to put it away.

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Richard Walker

Disappointed Diners

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On Trip Advisor reviews of a local garden centre I saw

They'd run out of the Fish & Chips. We had to make do with the Cornish pastor.

Suppose the Cornish pastor had run out too? Then it might have been the Welsh rabbi.


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Richard Walker

Unto Others

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Two centuries beneath a foreign yoke.

Free at last.
Who shall we attack?

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Richard Walker

Victorian Joke

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 5 Sep 2017, 02:02

Keen young Vicar to Local Inhabitant. "Did I see you reading an improving book on the moor today?"

Local Inhabitant. "Mebbe thesaurus. What on’t?"

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 4 Sep 2017, 03:01

I got a job as a film extra, playing a navvy in a film about road building in Victorian times. I asked what group to join, and the director said to take my pick.

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Richard Walker

Tom Swifty in the Operating Theatre

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"These scalpels are not good enough", Tom said bluntly.

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Richard Walker

New blog post

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Hello Autumn.

I always sleep better

Under a blanket.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Fake news. You can't believe everything you read about it.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I went to a clinic for those who don't do enthusiastic greetings. Long story, but they put me on a high fiver diet.

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Richard Walker

Cracker Question

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What do you need to get into pollen count school?

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Richard Walker

Exam Scandal

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Apparently top independent schools now suggest pupils consider useful trades, rather than going to university. Shockingly, questions in the plumbing exam may have been leaked.


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Richard Walker

The Adventure of the Altered Will

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 31 Aug 2017, 01:36

After Mrs. Hudson had cleared away the remains of our breakfast, my friend Sherlock Holmes and I settled down to our respective morning work.

Puffing away at my old and most familiar pipe, I worked steadily at my memoirs, through which I hope one day to bring before the Public the experiences of a medical man in army life. Meanwhile my silent companion cast his keen scrutiny over a mysterious document that had come by the first mail.

Suddenly my train of thought was derailed.

"What devilry has been at work?", he cried. "Some portion of this paper had been obscured by a white substance, and new writing has replaced the old. Only a scientific investigator such as myself would ever have noticed the change. What say you, Watson?"

I could not entirely banish an element of pride from my voice as I answered. Having only the previous day paid a visit to one of the shops operated by Messrs. W.H.Smith I had the advantage of my friend for once.

"It is, I believe, known as 'correction fluid'. What you see there's Snopake like Holmes", I replied.

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Richard Walker

L'Embarcation

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I waved. You waved.You waved to me.

I knew it then, but still went off to sea.


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Richard Walker

Haiku of Summer

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summer's like that poem

you loved back then

but never truly understood

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Richard Walker

The La Rose

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 29 Aug 2017, 23:43

Do not weep for your frail roses. come

Come away with us now.

To our crystallised world

Where flowers live for millennia. come 

Where the pain will be slowed. come

   

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Richard Walker

Spoonerism

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Yesterday the Rev. Spooner was evicted from a tatami shop, for describing what they sold as "only rats and mice".

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 28 Aug 2017, 23:47

It's a tradition in our family that none of us eat coley on the last Monday in August. We call it "ban coley day".

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