There was a young man called Phillipe,
Who never could blessed well sleep.
Though he tossed and he turned,
And he groaned and he gurned,
And he counted a quadrillion sheep.
Personal Blogs
Limerick
Tuesday, 13 Jun 2017, 02:58
Visible to anyone in the world
Grim Repair
Tuesday, 13 Jun 2017, 02:43
Visible to anyone in the world
At The Last Dance Salon, we can help you "Look your best",
When you come to dance with Dr. Death.
I Never Think of You Now
Tuesday, 13 Jun 2017, 02:21
Visible to anyone in the world
I never think of you now.
Or hardly ever.
Except in Spring.
Playground Joke
Sunday, 11 Jun 2017, 19:29
Visible to anyone in the world
Q. What city can't make up its mind?
A. Ely, because it sits on the fens.
Water vole
Sunday, 11 Jun 2017, 15:16
Visible to anyone in the world
Water voles are a threatened species in the UK and have suffered a shocking decline.
They still live in the little stream near me, but the picture below was taken at a different location by my brother Simon, a far better photographer than I am.
Bar Joke
Sunday, 11 Jun 2017, 14:59
Visible to anyone in the world
A zombie walked into a bar and ordered a stiff drink.
The First Summer
Saturday, 10 Jun 2017, 22:14
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 11 Jun 2017, 00:17
It was a summer long ago,
And heaven only knows.
How many times my mother kissed
My tiny little toes.
A Driver's Soliloquy
Saturday, 10 Jun 2017, 21:11
Visible to anyone in the world
To pay or not to pay, that is the congestion.
Dubious Philosophy
Saturday, 10 Jun 2017, 20:56
Visible to anyone in the world
If I choose to let my bike coast downhill, does it prove the existence of free wheel?
True Story
Friday, 9 Jun 2017, 20:40
Visible to anyone in the world
I need a stick to walk, and at the garden centre where I went for lunch today there were many others like me, so I felt quite at home. Looking round the café, I thought to myself "What a load of old hobblers".
Q and A
Friday, 9 Jun 2017, 00:13
Visible to anyone in the world
What do you call a person who runs around all day long doing everything for their dog?
New Business Ad
Friday, 9 Jun 2017, 00:05
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 9 Jun 2017, 00:06
"Pet Groom Inn"
Visit our new premises and enjoy a magnificent range of Food & Drink hospitality. Your pet is clipped and cuddled "While We Wait".
At a small extra fee, we would be delighted to provide a precious memento of your pet's grooming experience. Simply ask any of our Team Members about "Video Clips".
Witty names 🐶
Tuesday, 6 Jun 2017, 22:56
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 6 Jun 2017, 22:58
I love reading witty names firms give themselves.
Tonight I came across an ad for dog walkers, "Bark and Stride".
What next? Dog groomers called "Hair of the Dog"? Well that one's been taken. So I'll have to think again.
Life is not a bed of Roses 🌹
Tuesday, 6 Jun 2017, 00:54
Visible to anyone in the world
And a jolly good thing too!
I mean, have you actually tried a bed of roses? Don't. I have, and the thorns were blessed sharp, I can tell you. Hardly got a wink all night.
Tom Swifty
Sunday, 4 Jun 2017, 23:35
Visible to anyone in the world
"Wingless insects, you shall never rule the world!", cried Tom defiantly.
One Liner
Saturday, 3 Jun 2017, 22:08
Visible to anyone in the world
With my fingers I can only count up to ten, so I thought I'd add my toes. It turns out I'm totally useless.
One Liner
Saturday, 3 Jun 2017, 21:49
Visible to anyone in the world
Why would someone sell a calculator that can only subtract, multiply, and divide? It just doesn't add up.
One Liner
Saturday, 3 Jun 2017, 21:48
Visible to anyone in the world
I've just been given a calculator that only works with whole numbers. It's pointless if you ask me.
An Earworm
Friday, 2 Jun 2017, 21:10
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 2 Jun 2017, 21:12
Earworms are tunes that haunt you, night and day, and just won't wriggle off.
My latest is 'Tristesse' – never called that by its composer, and officially titled Chopin, Etude Op.10 No. 3. Here is Horowitz playing it. Of countless recordings, this is still my favorite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISBKq29aksE
Once I thought I didn't care for Chopin but, as with much in life, time taught me I was wrong.
Chopin died young, but he had a big funeral.
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/04/20/books/chapters/chopins-funeral.html
I believe the music included the start of the Mozart Requiem, and the famous "Funeral March", Chopin's own composition from his B-flat Minor piano concerto.
Afterwards Chopin's heart was taken to Warsaw, where it still is.The story of how it has survived is one that hints the human race may be noble after all.
Dog Story
Thursday, 1 Jun 2017, 19:40
Visible to anyone in the world
A while back I was bitten by a dog.
The elderly owners were extremely apologetic, but it wasn't serious and I didn't mind. Not long afterwards they died, leaving a tidy sum to look after the dog, with the stipulation that after the dog's death what remained would come to me, as a reward for being a good sport.
Now the dog has passed away too, and I have inherited the money. So I have become an heir of the dog that bit me.
When Paris met Helen
Wednesday, 31 May 2017, 19:56
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 1 Jun 2017, 00:10
When Paris met with Helen,
They both liked what they saw.
He whisked her off to Ilium
And caused the Trojan war.
Sad Occasion
Monday, 29 May 2017, 13:23
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 29 May 2017, 16:56
My wine merchant was buried today.
It was very moving as they lowered his coffin into the grave. (Gulp. Gulp).
Riddle
Sunday, 28 May 2017, 22:35
Visible to anyone in the world
If Hugh Laurie travelled back in time, killed and ate William Shakespeare, what would that make the Bard?
It's the way they tell it
Saturday, 27 May 2017, 19:29
Visible to anyone in the world
Inversion: as told down the pub.
Conversion: scam.
Perversion: according to the cat.
Animadversion : as told by Annie when cross.
Eversion: as told in Yorkshire.
The World Upside Down
Friday, 26 May 2017, 00:47
Visible to anyone in the world
If all the world were upside down
And we wore not a stitch
Into the sky our hats would fly
To make the hatters rich.
This blog might contain posts that are only visible to logged-in users, or where only logged-in users can comment. If you have an account on the system, please log in for full access.
Total visits to this blog: 1924946