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Richard Walker

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As I recall/God sees every sparrow fall/

And presumably every kitten/smitten.

But is not keen/to intervene.


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Richard Walker

I must speak fast

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if all are not free, then none are

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Richard Walker

At the Limelight Ball

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Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome please!

The Mosses: Mr. and Mrs. Moss, and their celebrity daughter. She's Fay Moss.

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Richard Walker

The Law of the Excluded Middle

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God equipped me with an insufficiency of hands.

Wherefore going home tonight, walking-stick and shopping-bag-handed. The umbrella furled.

I was nonplussed when the rain began.

Waltzing for dreamers.

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Richard Walker

A Poem Half-Way Good

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Hello angel. I was expecting something grander

I confess. Big strong wings of godly grace.

A heavenly being, assigned to my case.


Not such a shrill whine. That starts again.

When I extinguish the light. But I guess

You're just a messenger, doing your best.


And the clean up team of millions will come by in no time.

So that's it then. And honestly I'm not disappointed.

We atheists can't complain.


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Richard Walker

A Mondegreen *

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WKSU is an online radio channel that I often listen to.

It's partially funded by advertising but also relies a good deal on individual donors. So at fairly frequent intervals there is an item reminding us we can become a supporter at any time.

You don't have to wait for a fun drive.

That's not what the announcer is saying at all: it should be a fund drive. But although I know this perfectly well, the part of my brain that recognizes words stubbornly goes on hearing fun drive, even though this makes no sense at all in the context.

* Mondegreen

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Richard Walker

Nature Notes from Down Under

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Apparently it's true

The wombat's poo

Is a regular hexahedron.

Making it the one

And only animal that

Has cubical skat.

An expression which avoids

Mentioning cuboids.


In homage to Ogden Nash (1902 – May 19, 1971)

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Richard Walker

Green Investments

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Where should I put my money?

  1. Hedge fund
  2. Privet equity
  3. Flower pot
 
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Richard Walker

Alla Barnen*

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All the kids liked being tested with vegetarian food. Except Trig.

He said he felt like a guinea pig.

So he ate one.


*

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Richard Walker

A Love SI

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If I could meet her

In a reverse low-key sort of way

Just for a second

Maybe we could become a unit.

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Richard Walker

The Elsinore Sewing Club

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 12 Sep 2016, 23:06

Perhaps you've not heard of the Elsinore Sewing Club.

It was Denmark 1943. Although the country was under Nazi occupation, Denmark's 8,000 strong Jewish population had yet come under attack.

However orders arrived for deportation. I don't think the full implications were widely understood but they were evidently seen as ominous.

People from all walks of Danish society joined in a rescue mission. Jews were warned to go into immediate hiding. Volunteers even worked painstakingly through telephone directories for names that looked Jewish to warn the people concerned.

The "Sewing Club" was a code-named resistance group. Elsinore in Denmark is only about 3 km across the sea from Sweden - Hamlet would have been able to see Sweden from the castle walls.

In small boats, the Sewing Club carried over 90% of the Jewish community of Denmark to safety on the Swedish shore.


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Richard Walker

Old Haiku

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Who cares about my old stories?

You've got your own.

Soon they'll be forgotten too.

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Richard Walker

Tongue Twister

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In the spirit of "What noise annoys an oyster?" and "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?" here is my own modest offering.

As an aside, if I decided to make a single of "Oh I do like to be beside the sea side", what would the B-side of "I do like to be beside the sea side" be?

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Richard Walker

Tom Swifty in Love

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"Can I come in?" asked Tom adoringly.

"I have something" he said presently.

"Tonight I won this coconut for you", he said shyly.

"Oh gosh, I bet your balls hit it as hard as possible", she replied bashfully.

"May I slip this gold band on your finger", he said admiringly.

"Oh yes, yes!" she replied engagingly.


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Richard Walker

Clerihew

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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 9 Sep 2016, 22:24

Alexander Fleming

Called his mother a lemming.

In spite of this villainy

His career was very penicilliny.

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Richard Walker

Multiple Birthday Matches

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If 23 people get together, it's odds-on that some two share the same birthday. This is not intuitive, so it's a surprise.

One of the OU modules I work on has about 1200 students. With that number of people, it's odds-on that 10 of them have the same birthday.

Who would have guessed that? If we checked through all their birthdays (probably we can't because of Data Protection) and compared them, then found 10 the same, it might be regarded as an amazing coincidence. But it's not.

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Richard Walker

The Message of the Leaves

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The leaves whisper quietly

Its

Autumn

Soon

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Richard Walker

About a Smell

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Yesterday I remembered a wet cobbled street I only visited once. Amsterdam, 45 years ago.

I saw at once the restaurants lining each side.

Lights. Smells. Menus. Cobbles. Walking. Choosing.

This startling (and for me unusual) synesthesia occurred in an instant. Opening a can of lentil and bacon soup, some tiny thing about how it smelt triggered these sudden recollections. I wasn't prepared for it at all.




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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Dat Lucrezia Borgia. What an awful poison.

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Richard Walker

A Kōan for programmers of which I am one

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Kōan

The pupil asked "What assistance should I use to debug my programs?"

The master replied "Yourself".

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Richard Walker

Walking Sticks For Windy Weather

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"Caught in a storm but need to get home quickly?"

Our patented "Hurry Cane" is designed to help.

Call now for a free quotation.

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Richard Walker

Going Feral - A Parable

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 31 Aug 2016, 01:54

Today I am reading on the front of Times 2 that I should go feral.

As all guys and dolls know the Times is greatly respected from all quarters whatsoever, so naturally I am following this tip.

But regrettably the word about this is all over Broadway in hardly any time, and it transpires Al is not pleased about being gone for, and whilst I am doing nothing but quietly munching a chop down at Mindy's, who should come in but two gorillas who demand not a little aggressively what I mean by going for Al.

I explain that I just mean I will vote for him anytime soon and the gorillas back off, and leave in a very handsome manner, I must say.

Just while I am getting properly back to the chop, in comes in another pair of guys, who are all steamed up that I am a supporter of Al. Again I have to explain that I have been misunderstood and in fact Al will never be top of my popularity list but a person I will attack on account of the fact I hate and despise him.

So eventually these also depart, although one of them scowls somewhat, but I am left to finish the chop, although of course it is cold by now.

As I am explaining later to Little Pete, all this interruption is not a little anxiety provoking and can lead to dyspepsia, especially when the gorillas are somewhat large and morose also, and do not seem well educated; and it does not seem as though a wise person in this town should read misleading newspapers.

Moral:

Honesty is one thing. Policy's another.


With tribute to Damion Runyon.


Times 2, 30 August 2016


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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I've lived my whole life next to a meadow and I expect I'll die there too. He who lives by the sward shall die by the sward.

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Richard Walker

Tongue Twister

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I love spontaneous tongue twisters. Tonight someone said

"The blue bin men haven't been."



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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 29 Aug 2016, 22:44

My bungalow designs are never perfect. Sadly they always have a floor in them.

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