Yesterday i struggled to cope with my CPTSD, as i had a series of triggers that provoked intense emotions, related to past traumatic events, my miss management of these intense emotions caused disorder to the regular emotional regulation routine of my day. 

For those who dont know Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is caused when a constant series of traumatic events over a sustained period of time, provoke intense emotions that can not be regulated to the point they cause disorder, as opposed to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which refers to a single traumatic event.

A 'trigger' is a series of events that provoke thoughts that relate to the past traumatic event, i.e. a soldier thats now in civi's is in kwik fit and hears an exhaust bang, he automatically thinks of guns and bombs during war time and starts to feel the same traumatic emotions as he did in battle, which if not regulated, these emotions can provoke actions that are not considered social norms i.e. disorder, depending on how these thoughts, feelings and emotions are regulated, has a direct impact on the severity of his actions and the severity of the disorder, i.e. aggression, depression, distress, anxiety it can trigger the fight, flight, freeze or fawn, fight or flight is a common misconception, its actually Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn, these are the four responses to traumatic events or event. 

In my case case where my traumas were a prolonged series of abusive, aggressive, and violent traumas, when i am triggered (thought provoking) i.e. confrontation, police sirens, doors slamming, large rowdy crowds, some one shouting at me, being aggressive people fighting, any shock or surprised, unplanned event, even simple things like, certain music, certain films, places and smells, can lead to reliving the emotions of past abusive, aggressive, and violent traumas, this can lead to Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn, which mean that, if i can not regulate and manage them, there is the high potential that disorder will occur.

The reason i have started to describe 'what' 'when' 'why' and 'how', i s to try and create an understanding amongst people who may not be a wear, please do not think its a sob story or even that i think people are thick and dont know, i believe if we , or i, just keep repeating the word 'mental health' then no one really gets to understand.

And if i am to be totally honest with you, expressing how i think and feel, in written form is a brand new concept for me, although it is having a positive effect on my mental well being and i am actually starting to enjoy the whole process and coming from the world in which i come from, that is a massive break through for me, although, i will always be, work in progress

WWG1WGA