Firstly, the battle we have all been waiting for is here, well i say all, i mean me, Max Verstappen out qualifies Sir Lewis Hamilton for pole position at the Bahrain Grand Prix for the first time. Finally the current 7 time world champion, breaker of multiple F1 records and the greatest F1 driver to have lived, has a fight on his hands, the likes of which have never been seen during Sir Lewis Hamilton's reign. This evenings racs is to be a race that has not been witnessed and dare i say the rest of the season will play out the same way.
I was born in to a racing family and follow all racing with a passion, apart from horse racing, the thought of watching a man pounding a horse with a whip makes me want to pound that n=man with a whip.
Last night was a remarkable night for me, as i picked up a book and started to read it, apart from study books, i have never read a book in my life, i have a different out look on knowledge to most which has fueled my desire to not read books all the more.
I care for self realisation and self development, i do not care for the different opinions of 7 billion different people, i care to know about and understand me, my mind and how to manage that mind, and i care to know about people who can help with that, once i have learned about those things and i am in control my desire for knowledge will be no more, i care not to fill my mind with useless facts or information or to be the man in the room who believes he knows the most.
Anyway, back to book i have started to read is, The Science Of Mind And Behaviour, by Richard D Gross. I was given the book by a friend about 20 years ago, maybe less, i am in the habbit of meeting people who give me books and say "you should try that", i have built my entire library on that principle and ironically, i have never read one.
The book in mention was also given away to an ex's son who showed an an interest in psychology, i never got the book back, which was no bother to me. for some reason i was browsing a book shelf in a charity shop and i saw the same book, so i had to by it, that was at least two years ago. The thing that drew me to the book was the front cover, it was a face, formed from the shading of the shadows, to which i proceeded to draw on a wall in my old front room, i was suffering about of depression at the time, which normally leads to an artistic and creative side.
During this bout several years ago, i started to draw the cover of "Al pacino's Scarface" on my front room wall, i was sat on the back of my sofa with my top off, whilst doing so the light created a shadow of me so started to trace the image, slightly below and to the right of the original picture, whilst near to finishing my sister came around and sent my nephew up with some money that i had borrowed from her, i opened the door and proceeded to draw, as my nephew handed me the money, he was stood just too the right of my tracing of me but he was next to the wall, so i proceeded to draw around him presenting his image on the wall to the far right right at ground level. At the time i was an active addict who was self harming and an undiagnosed depressive. What i was was left with was a tracing of a man in a suit holding a gun, knelt in front of that image was another image of what appeared to be a naked young who was holding his arm out in order to protect the third image of a small child.
What also appeared to me was that all three images were me, the naked me in the middle was protecting the innocent child me on the bottom from the aggressive adult me at the top, i know, pretty bizarre huh? A year or so later in the same bout of depression, i mosaiced the three legs of the Isle Of Mans Flag in to my front room floor, the symbol is "triskelion" which is latin for "three legs", the moto is "whichever way you throw it, it stands" which at the time was applicable to the immense amount shit i was having thrown at me, and yet i continued to try.
Little did i know at the time, that mosaic would later lead me to design and mosaic the first prize trophy for "The Environment Awards 2004" sponsored by the The Rotary International, i was introduced to David Bellamy and the Mayor or Hertfordshire in blood stained clothes from where i had been cutting myself, totally induced in crack/cocaine, trying to to fit in, i think back and i have no idea how i managed to pull it off.
On the basis of that i created a business that was sponsored by the Prince's Youth Business Trust, to prove that i was only to be this creative because of my depression, the business i created soon fell apart as everything was going so well for me for the first time in years, i was clean form using, i was not self harming and my depression was a distant memory. I tried to work on several commissions i had received from "house and garden magazine" i would sit there and stare into space, i literally had no idea what i was doing, i could not design, i could not mosaic, it was as if my memory had been wiped, genuinely one of the most bizarre moments of my life.
One thing i know for sure, if never having the ability in being creative ever again meant that i would never suffer a moment of mental illness, i could quite happily live with out being creative