Personal Blogs

It seems that a certain kind of normal is resuming within my mental health and i am able to focus on the positives that are in abundance yet so hard to see when the monkey on my back reigns supreme over the regular cognitive workings in my mind, the loneliness is fading and the understanding that i am not the only one who is affected by mental health is shining a beacon of recognition. I will be showing gratitude today along with making amends for my blinded self pity that only served to ostracise and alienate those who stand around me, that are resilient enough to stay around and care for me while i display my emotional relapses. I have people who care and yet it is so easy to group everybody together and put them in the "let's beat Cas group" when i am holding a rather large and groovy pity party, i will be focusing on those people today along with myself and making today a kind, gentle, caring and joyful day. I managed to get some painting done yesterday and grab a little self esteem and a sense of achievement, which i will carry forward tomorrow to ensure that the monkey on my back is well and truly smothered in positivity and unable to seep its poison in to my mind. I call it the monkey on my back as it helps me to identify and name what's going on in my mind in order to understand and grasp some sort of concept of what happens when an emotional relapse takes place, as opposed to having a nameless entity come in to my mind which disrupts regular cognitive functioning, which in the past would leave me constantly and desperately searching for answers, "what's happening?" "What is this feeling?" and many more to boot.


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