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Day226 of OU studies

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No more analysing and probing in to the abyss of my own or other peoples schemas, i have some painting to do so while the world gets watered "well, my part of the world" i will stay in the dry and get something done. I feel like i have woken up from a front row seat dream of a play to my future life, i have lost three days griped in fear and uncertainty and i have no idea how i got there or indeed how i got out, all i know is that i seem to be at peace, well a certain amount of peace. Sobriety is a war with many different battles that seem to leave a new set of scares every time the battle ceases, if only i could change my belief system towards myself then i would not feel the need to join in the battle on the opponents side so that i can be sure i leave with the scare i feel i deserve. I wish i could give up abusing myself with substances and skip off home to the solid foundations that were installed in my welcoming to the world, then my friends I'm sure they would be able to weather any storm, instead i always find myself trying to lay that solid foundation with an instruction kit that is in a language unknown to any other, with a tool kit that keeps getting stolen every time i turn my back and when i do manage to work out a sentence in this unknown language and keep my firm grip on a tool that got left behind the heavens seem to open up and poor down all seasons in one moment and seep its destruction in to every inch of that foundation that is so frustratingly crumbling before it even had time to set. Tomorrow comes with a blessing as today leaves with gratitude, as much as my struggles, battles and wars may tire me, leave me down hearted and bare scares, i am not disabled to to take on another day, so come on tomorrow, give me what you have as i am the master of my thoughts and i choose believe that i am not my feelings, i am not not my thoughts, i am more than a perceptive belief system, i am not my scares, i have the ability to heal, i am aware, i am conscious and i am being, i am.



WWG1WGA

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