Edited by Casper Smith, Saturday, 29 May 2021, 16:01
Towards the beginning of 1976 i was 18 months old and my father had just been sentenced to three and a half years for sexually abusing my brother, who was not my fathers son. Four months after my fathers release from prison he had parental control of all this children including my brother, secretly the sexual abuse of my brother continued along with violence, verbal abuse, neglect and general ill treatment to my brother, myself, my mother and a little to my other brothers and sisters.
At 14 years old my brother went to live with my nan in Skegness to flea my fathers behaviour, the rest of us stayed to endure further violence, neglect and abuse of all types excluding sexual abuse. Needless to say my brother vowed not to us as a family until my father either passed away or left.
In 2011 my father was murdered and as a result my brother started to interact with us all as a family, as keen as i was to get to know my big brother after all this time, i was not prepared for the effect of my fathers behaviour and how it would impact my brothers behaviour to his knew found family, It wasn't long before he split up with his girlfriend and moved in with my mum.
I wrote him a CV, introduced him to the employment agency i was working and he secured a job and cracked on. He soon found himself a new girlfriend and decided to spend Friday night to Sunday night at her house and would stay at my mums from Monday night to Thursday night, all this seemed normal at first until i would visit my mu at the weekend as my mum (i know now) would play on disability to do things, she is capable of a lot more than what she lets on.
I came to see my mum one weekend and her tv was not working and i asked her "did Danny (my brother) not try to fix it for you"? She said no, again i came to see my mum at another weekend and her car was not working, i said again "did Danny not try to fix it for you"? Again she said no, one more time i came to see my mum and her house phone was not working, i asked the same question and she said no, at this point i started to think that my brother does not seem to be helping my mum as much as he could.
One day my brother came to visit me while i was at work, i don't really remember how the conversation got on to this subject, but he said to me "every one else is using mum, i might as well use her to". It was at this point my attitude completely changed about my brother, i continued to be polite to him although i kept my distance.
Soon after my uncle and my brother fell out and my uncle would say things about my brother that would fit in with what i was seeing and hearing from him, basically he was generally not interested in having all of us as a family and clearly had issues with my mum over what happened in his childhood.
As i started to get to know my brother more, i would come to find out that he had a short temper, we were traveling somewhere, he was driving, he got lost and started to scream and shout at me because i was doing my best to help him with directions. On another occasion i relapsed and thought i could rely on him so i rang him, i was in a mess, he then went on to tell other members of my family and before i knew it i was being persecuted by other members of my family.
It was at this point that i decided that i was no longer interested in having a relationship with him as i was unable to function properly, as my diagnosis for CPTSD would mean that his short temper would be a trigger for me and cause me to feel really uncomfortable around his unpredictable behaviour. I told my mum how i felt about him, what he said about using her and that i no longer wanted to relate to him while he was being that way.
I believe that i am allowed to not interact with who ever i choose regardless of a family connection, every now and then my mum would want to have a conversation about my brother and other family members i have chose not to interact with because of their unpredictable aggressiveness, i would say to my mum in a kind way "please can we not talk about it as it makes me feel uncomfortable, she would agree and then bring it up again at another point, again i would say, please can we change to subject. Again i would tell my mum tat i have to protect myself and i do not want to have anything to do with, almost begging her.
Now, my brother has some of his mail delivered to my mums and my mum has started to ask me if i can post his mail to him and i say "no mum, i don't really want to", i feel uncomfortable helping people that cause me grief, my mum, goes on to sulk and gets the hump with me although i stand firm, as i am allowed to say no to my family. Yesterday my mum asked me again to post another letter and again i said no, her face dropped and she went all moody, before i knew we were having a full blown argument, my mum went on to scream at me to "shut up" while putting her hands over her ears while i am trying to explain why i don't want to.
As a result my mum has hid her car keys so i can not use the car, she has not spoken to me for nearly two days and is starting to show a side of herself that really is making me feel uncomfortable, now i do absolutely everything for my mum and the way she is treating over this issue is really horrible, it seems her guilt allows certain people to treat her how they want while muggings here who does everything can not seem to do anything write.
If any thing this only strengthens my case of wanting to separate myself from my family regardless of the out come of my court trial, i have told my mum this and she really is generally not interested in anything i have to say or do unless, it is something that i am doing for her, this is a horrible feeling, i feel used, invalidated, unrecognised with no acknowledgement what so ever, she even went on to say that i do nothing for her, i really am at a loss as of what to do.
Day 237 of OU studies
Towards the beginning of 1976 i was 18 months old and my father had just been sentenced to three and a half years for sexually abusing my brother, who was not my fathers son. Four months after my fathers release from prison he had parental control of all this children including my brother, secretly the sexual abuse of my brother continued along with violence, verbal abuse, neglect and general ill treatment to my brother, myself, my mother and a little to my other brothers and sisters.
At 14 years old my brother went to live with my nan in Skegness to flea my fathers behaviour, the rest of us stayed to endure further violence, neglect and abuse of all types excluding sexual abuse. Needless to say my brother vowed not to us as a family until my father either passed away or left.
In 2011 my father was murdered and as a result my brother started to interact with us all as a family, as keen as i was to get to know my big brother after all this time, i was not prepared for the effect of my fathers behaviour and how it would impact my brothers behaviour to his knew found family, It wasn't long before he split up with his girlfriend and moved in with my mum.
I wrote him a CV, introduced him to the employment agency i was working and he secured a job and cracked on. He soon found himself a new girlfriend and decided to spend Friday night to Sunday night at her house and would stay at my mums from Monday night to Thursday night, all this seemed normal at first until i would visit my mu at the weekend as my mum (i know now) would play on disability to do things, she is capable of a lot more than what she lets on.
I came to see my mum one weekend and her tv was not working and i asked her "did Danny (my brother) not try to fix it for you"? She said no, again i came to see my mum at another weekend and her car was not working, i said again "did Danny not try to fix it for you"? Again she said no, one more time i came to see my mum and her house phone was not working, i asked the same question and she said no, at this point i started to think that my brother does not seem to be helping my mum as much as he could.
One day my brother came to visit me while i was at work, i don't really remember how the conversation got on to this subject, but he said to me "every one else is using mum, i might as well use her to". It was at this point my attitude completely changed about my brother, i continued to be polite to him although i kept my distance.
Soon after my uncle and my brother fell out and my uncle would say things about my brother that would fit in with what i was seeing and hearing from him, basically he was generally not interested in having all of us as a family and clearly had issues with my mum over what happened in his childhood.
As i started to get to know my brother more, i would come to find out that he had a short temper, we were traveling somewhere, he was driving, he got lost and started to scream and shout at me because i was doing my best to help him with directions. On another occasion i relapsed and thought i could rely on him so i rang him, i was in a mess, he then went on to tell other members of my family and before i knew it i was being persecuted by other members of my family.
It was at this point that i decided that i was no longer interested in having a relationship with him as i was unable to function properly, as my diagnosis for CPTSD would mean that his short temper would be a trigger for me and cause me to feel really uncomfortable around his unpredictable behaviour. I told my mum how i felt about him, what he said about using her and that i no longer wanted to relate to him while he was being that way.
I believe that i am allowed to not interact with who ever i choose regardless of a family connection, every now and then my mum would want to have a conversation about my brother and other family members i have chose not to interact with because of their unpredictable aggressiveness, i would say to my mum in a kind way "please can we not talk about it as it makes me feel uncomfortable, she would agree and then bring it up again at another point, again i would say, please can we change to subject. Again i would tell my mum tat i have to protect myself and i do not want to have anything to do with, almost begging her.
Now, my brother has some of his mail delivered to my mums and my mum has started to ask me if i can post his mail to him and i say "no mum, i don't really want to", i feel uncomfortable helping people that cause me grief, my mum, goes on to sulk and gets the hump with me although i stand firm, as i am allowed to say no to my family. Yesterday my mum asked me again to post another letter and again i said no, her face dropped and she went all moody, before i knew we were having a full blown argument, my mum went on to scream at me to "shut up" while putting her hands over her ears while i am trying to explain why i don't want to.
As a result my mum has hid her car keys so i can not use the car, she has not spoken to me for nearly two days and is starting to show a side of herself that really is making me feel uncomfortable, now i do absolutely everything for my mum and the way she is treating over this issue is really horrible, it seems her guilt allows certain people to treat her how they want while muggings here who does everything can not seem to do anything write.
If any thing this only strengthens my case of wanting to separate myself from my family regardless of the out come of my court trial, i have told my mum this and she really is generally not interested in anything i have to say or do unless, it is something that i am doing for her, this is a horrible feeling, i feel used, invalidated, unrecognised with no acknowledgement what so ever, she even went on to say that i do nothing for her, i really am at a loss as of what to do.
WWG1WGA