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Fear has been coming up a lot in meditation lately. An almost constant state of 'fight or flight' coupled with fatigue. It's an unpleasant feeling. I am training myself to work with it via the body. I use mindfulness of the breath to move attention away from thoughts, and connect with fear as it feels from within the body. Then working with the breath and the energy to bring it into a state of balance.

If I get it right, the body and mind feels light and free, like a great weight has been lifted. I don't always get it right though; but at the very least, just having something to practise can be helpful.

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Having to deal with others is tiring. I don't think I can spiritually grow whilst having to deal with other humans and what they want. What other humans want, is often not what I want. At least, not anymore.

At times, I long to be completely alone. I find it much easier to practice spirituality when I’m in solitude. Having to deal with other people feels like torture sometimes.

I don’t have the same bother when dealing with animals. Animals are less judgemental, less demanding, and they don’t care for money, they are not as complicated as humans and much easier to share my space with.

Sometimes it feels like humans care more about money and economics than they do about the other living beings who inhabit this planet.

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It is hard changing the way I talk to myself. It does work, but it can be challenging at times.

It's helpful to find a way to pause the inner monologue, so I can step back from it, reflect on it and then practise narrating things in a different way, which can help change my perceptions of things.

Sankaras are moral choices, intentions, the tendencies of the mind, the inner volitions, that produce our karma (our speech and action). 

When intentions are driven by craving and ignorance, they produce Samsara.

As beings become less ignorant of their intentions they can learn how to change them to something more helpful, which in turn changes their karma.

It takes time, and one will fail over and over again. I certainly do, I'm no angel. But I am learning that that is part of the training too, learning how to fail well, with wisdom (-:

Trying not to be so hard on myself when I don't always get it right. To experiment and play, investigate. To become a friend to myself instead of a horrible boss. Training myself to see the mind as a team, and to be compassionate and friendly towards it instead of bossy.

Training the mind is like when one learns to paint, or to make music, or learns a sport, or learns to ride a bike. Effort is needed at first, but the effort is something we already know about, it comes naturally to us. We use it without thinking when we learn a new skill.

I am concentrating mainly on learning to calm the mind at the moment. Developing serenity practices that help quieten the thought energies and bring the mind to stillness and balance. These are also samadhi practises. I find these practises very challenging at times, but they are very helpful and worth the time spent learning them.

I give up trying to be perfect.

To be anyone actually. It's rather tiring and burdensome.

I release the mind from its self-imposed burdens.

Then joy arises like the beautiful scent of a flower.

Or like a clear fountain of water, a wellspring I forgot was there.

Could this be the way to samadhi?

A way to cross the flood without straining and without halting?

Without grasping.

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