So many books

All my posts: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/view.php?u=zw219551

or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser.

I am not on YouTube or social media

Cadwell NOT Caldwell

So many books

[4 minute read ] 

Opinion

I have so many books to read; fourteen! It is not a lot over the six month academic 'year'. Yet, they are not books I would read for pleasure. I absolutely have to forget that they cost me more than £125 otherwise my resentment will interfere with my focus on why I am reading them. I am beginning to think, though, that I don't like the omniscient point of view; a narrative that allows the thoughts of characters to be written in stories. I know that it helps to develop characters in the readers' minds but I am an action kind of reader.

Having detached emotions by default I tend not to put much effort into connecting my emotions to moments of relaxation; not that reading these fourteen books is relaxing for me because in the absence of OU guidance for my module I have to make copious notes on anything I consider to be remotely relevant. I am just wildly guessing, but I suppose I am focused.

Having been steeped in marketing and logistics for many years, studying with The OU is like a crash-course in a different subject, even over four or five years. Even during summer, which is not my academic term, I cannot realign my studies back towards marketing, economic and logistics. These subjects which are really a bunch, are so familiar to me that I feel so much more comfortable wallowing in those text books than the ones I now find myself compelled to read in a preliminary fashion. 

I probably have a different style of learning to most people. It is one that I established when I think I was about eight or nine. back then we had BSA (I think) assignments to complete that tested for comprehension. There was a little story of perhaps one hundred and fifty words and and then some questions that related to the text. I would read the questions first and then read the text, mentally marking where the answers were. Then I read the questions again and write my answers one by one. It was efficient to do that and it had no negative effect on my secondary school achievements. Given an outline of what I am supposed to learn in October onwards I would be able to make notes much more efficiently. In fact, by October, I think I might have finished the modules before I even start them. Achieving a good degree is secondary to understanding the wider scope of the subjects, to me. 'Getting it right' is key in contrast to proving academic ability to others; at least it is for me. 

       'Yeah, I got a third, but I know the subject inside out and back to front. I spent a lot of time reading outside of the scope of the degree modules. I find that not being constrained by bindings and circumscription allows me to approach my work and social life with a fresh attitude that brings with it some novel questions. Can I have the job? or do you want me to just keep my head below the parapet and nod when you speak?'

It would never be a good thing to say that, I propose. I approach my future in a bipartite way though. Everything I study can be applied to both PAYE employment or self-employment. So, I am fairly flexible in my speech. Some might say, careless. Hmmm, I suppose so; too much free-reign and hedonism in the past perhaps. But, I was left to my own devices when I was sixteen and two months old so what can we expect of me? Should I have run away from my bullying enabler older brother guardian and put myself in care? I think, in retrospect, that is precisely what I should have done. I did run away from him once at 5am, to live in Sherwood Forest. I was a bit of a romantic fool then. I got tired and hitch-hiked back again; more fool me! However, it was around this time that I bought my first thesaurus and set me on the path to autodiadatic education and then further education at night school, and then daytime college. Who knows what I would have become if I had been in care? A misogynist? A plagiarist and cheat? An invisible banality? A kind and thoughtful community leader? I am none of those, but I do get my emotions in gear sometimes now my fraternal tormentor is dead and I help my community.

I am inclined to rewrite history in my head and imagine different futures lately. I like my imagination, no, I love it! But it is intangible and ephemeral and having no substance and there being nowhere to direct it, it is an invisible gim-crack, a bagetelle, a folly. Oh, I frame it so negatively with blunt but tasty words. It is almost believable that I am distracted by my disdain. That is not so; but most people might chuck a reality-checking statement at me such as, 'You have your head in the clouds', or 'You are off with the fairies again.' or 'Daydreaming won't pay the bills!' Because I know all this I have to check myself and manifest something tangible from something intangible if I am to deny opportunities in other spheres of my life. Most people, I think, would immediately think of writing for a living. I shan't be doing that though; there is a reason why not, but I can't quite see enough of the future to know precisely what it is just yet.

I can't help thinking that I have wasted enough time and i really have to leap to the capstan and haul my anchor up. Yet, I also feel like I am still on a lee-shore (wind blowing onto the shore making sailing away extremely problematic for square-rigged ships - like HMS Victory).

I suppose my imagination is a sailing ship with no engine and since I espouse modern assistance, a metaphorical engine, I shall find myself becalmed and adrift. I really don't like the trail and impact that modern technology has though. Analogue books are on the verge of obsolescence and only those who plan for the world to be knocked back to the same kind of existence the people of the 1960s and 70s had, can be inclined to honestly believe that publishing only analogue books will provide sufficient money for the opportunity to write to be viable in the near future.