Edited by David Smith, Wednesday, 30 Mar 2011, 17:00
So what happened to spring then? Who broke it? Own up. I’m resisting the temptation to put my heating back on, but have battened down the hatches because the icy wind blowing across the field opposite my house was whistling straight through the window of my boudoir into my ‘writing corner’. And I’m still fer fer fer fer fer freezing. And it’s wet. (The weather, not my writing corner. Oh wait... sniff, sniff... I’ll kill that F*****g cat!)
I had an exchange with a woman yesterday who was telling me all this improbable stuff, but because I am, like Shakespeare’s Moor, possessed of a free and open nature,/that thinks men [and women] honest that but seem to be so I took her at face value. Later, I learned she was feeling ‘much better’ after visiting her ‘alternative practitioner’ and getting her ‘energies balanced’. Sadly I was not in a position where I could say ‘Oh, right. Sorry, I didn’t realise I was talking to a nutter. She mentioned a massage as well. I hope she had a happy finish.
Actually, I’m not entirely dismissive of ‘alternative medicine’. I’ve recently found myself a new German ‘palm healer’ (named Hans, appropriately enough). He’s a member of the Third Reiki. I’ve got an appointment tomorrow; he’s unblocking my chakra and purging me of my negative energies in the morning then invading Poland in the afternoon. Very industrious, these Germans. He’s certainly got my Chi running on time. (If you like Chis, you’ll love these.)
Wandering back from Tesco Metro I passed the village pond again and got a menacing from the Canadian geese. Individually they’re not as dangerous as swans, supposedly, but for my money they’re ten times worse ‘cos they tend to work in gangs. They’re like the ‘hoodies’ of the duck pond, hanging around just waiting for an excuse to kick off. And there’s always a little mallard knocking around with ‘em that’s got all the gob but disappears as soon as the trouble starts, ennit? The poor little dowdy ducks (the brown ones: I think they’re mallardyladies) just mooch about over the other side of the lake trying to avoid ‘em but you can tell they wish they’d just piss off back to Canada. I’m not a racist or anything – Peking ducks, mandarin ducks, I love ‘em all – but Canadian geese are just a bit too chav and lairy for my liking.
Oh, I passed a woman looking at a big bird on the lake the other day, and she said to the little boy with her ‘look, a snow goose!’ I said, ‘That Snow Goose – it’s a swan’...
Sorry. I thought of that while typing and should have put the brakes on.
spring sprung
So what happened to spring then? Who broke it? Own up. I’m resisting the temptation to put my heating back on, but have battened down the hatches because the icy wind blowing across the field opposite my house was whistling straight through the window of my boudoir into my ‘writing corner’. And I’m still fer fer fer fer fer freezing. And it’s wet. (The weather, not my writing corner. Oh wait... sniff, sniff... I’ll kill that F*****g cat!)
I had an exchange with a woman yesterday who was telling me all this improbable stuff, but because I am, like Shakespeare’s Moor, possessed of a free and open nature,/that thinks men [and women] honest that but seem to be so I took her at face value. Later, I learned she was feeling ‘much better’ after visiting her ‘alternative practitioner’ and getting her ‘energies balanced’. Sadly I was not in a position where I could say ‘Oh, right. Sorry, I didn’t realise I was talking to a nutter. She mentioned a massage as well. I hope she had a happy finish.
Actually, I’m not entirely dismissive of ‘alternative medicine’. I’ve recently found myself a new German ‘palm healer’ (named Hans, appropriately enough). He’s a member of the Third Reiki. I’ve got an appointment tomorrow; he’s unblocking my chakra and purging me of my negative energies in the morning then invading Poland in the afternoon. Very industrious, these Germans. He’s certainly got my Chi running on time. (If you like Chis, you’ll love these.)
Wandering back from Tesco Metro I passed the village pond again and got a menacing from the Canadian geese. Individually they’re not as dangerous as swans, supposedly, but for my money they’re ten times worse ‘cos they tend to work in gangs. They’re like the ‘hoodies’ of the duck pond, hanging around just waiting for an excuse to kick off. And there’s always a little mallard knocking around with ‘em that’s got all the gob but disappears as soon as the trouble starts, ennit? The poor little dowdy ducks (the brown ones: I think they’re mallardyladies) just mooch about over the other side of the lake trying to avoid ‘em but you can tell they wish they’d just piss off back to Canada. I’m not a racist or anything – Peking ducks, mandarin ducks, I love ‘em all – but Canadian geese are just a bit too chav and lairy for my liking.
Oh, I passed a woman looking at a big bird on the lake the other day, and she said to the little boy with her ‘look, a snow goose!’ I said, ‘That Snow Goose – it’s a swan’...
Sorry. I thought of that while typing and should have put the brakes on.
Talking of which.