Personal Blogs

Imogen: What are we wearing on our head today Hermione?

Hermione: I think it’s loosely called a hat, Imogen. I bought it especially for the races.

Imogen: It looks like giant butterfly that’s just overdosed on pesticide.

Hermione: It’s meant to be floppy.

Imogen: But not deceased. I’m afraid you’ll need to change it.

Hermione: They told me in the shop that it would be perfect for a day at the races.

Imogen: Sadly Monsoon are not an authority on racing attire. Neither are Next.

Hermione: I bought it at Debenhams.

Imogen: I rest my case. You can have one of my hats. And if you give me the poisoned insect I’ll shred it and put it in the organic – it is made of natural fibres, isn’t it?

***

Imogen: Ah, now, that’s so much better. Nothing quite like red lace and velvet is there? And doesn’t that old dress of mine fit you perfectly?

Hermione: Yes and no. Er, I mean no and yes.

Imogen: Ah. Here comes Vere. Are we ready to go darling?

Hermione: Good morning Vere.

Vere: Hwah! Hwah! Just heard about the butterfly hat. Hwah! Hwah! Polyester. Hwah! Hwah!

Hermione: I like your aftershave. It’s very unusual.

Vere: Hwah! Hwah! I’m not wearing aftershave. Hwah! Hwah!

Imogen: Vere always has a small glass of Armagnac before he goes to the races. Don’t you darling? An old MacMillan tradition.

Vere: Better get the motor out of the garage. Hwah! Hwah!

***

Hermione: Vere’s always so friendly and cheerful, isn’t he?

Imogen: Yes. Now have we worked out what to say at lunch?

Hermione: I don’t normally plan what to say at lunch.

Imogen: You’ll need to today. You’re sitting beside Lord Hamptonshire.

Hermione: I’m sure we’ll get along fine if he’s anything like Vere.

Imogen: There are similarities, but he’s more probing.

Hermione: I don’t follow. In what way more probing?

Imogen: He’ll expect you to know about racing?

Hermione: I think I understand the broad principles. The horses run round a course and try to come first and you shoot them if they break a leg.

Imogen: What’s your favourite racecourse?

Hermione: I don’t have a favourite.

Imogen: How many have you visited?

Hermione: This will be my first visit to a race course.

Imogen: How many race horses can you name?

Hermione: My grandmother used to talk about Red Rum, but I don’t suppose he’s still running?

Imogen: Apart from Red Rum?

Hermione: It’s on the tip of my tongue. Sh... Sh...

Imogen: Apart from Shergar and Red Rum? Hmmm. This is not good Hermione. I think one needs a crash course.

Hermione: I hope that doesn’t mean I’ll get shot if I break a leg.

Imogen: Haha.