Imogen: Who is Hugo talking to?
Hermione: I think his name is Jory.
Imogen: He might have dressed a little more smartly for church.
Hermione: He hasn’t got much money. Those are his best clothes.
Imogen: How come you know so much about him.
Hermione: I spoke to his wife. She told me.
Imogen: I guess Hugo’s just being kind because it’s Christmas.
Hermione: I think he actually likes Jory. It seems they’re both Arsenal fans. Jory used to play in goal for Penzance AFC.
Imogen: That’s hardly a reason for holding a conversation.
Hermione: Hugo was deeply moved by the vicar’s sermon about peace on earth and everyone loving one another.
Imogen: I knew it was a mistake for him to preach on that subject, especially at Christmas. Completely inappropriate. Sends out the wrong message… and who are Jasper and Seraphima talking to? Don’t tell me…
Hermione: Jory’s children. Jasper and Seraphima like them. Jory’s wife has invited them round to play after Christmas.
Imogen: We’ll have to make excuses. I suppose they’re unemployed and live on benefits.
Hermione: That’s uncanny. He used to be a tin miner until the mine gave out. How on earth did you know?
Imogen: Intuition.
Hermione: They’re nice people. You’ll like them.
Imogen: I doubt if I shall be finding out.
Hermione: You will. Hugo’s invited them round to Lord Hamptonshire’s with us for mulled wine and mince pies.
Imogen: What? I’m afraid that’s impossible. Vere you’ve got to say something.
Vere: Hwah! Hwah! About what?
Imogen: About what Hermione’s just said.
Vere: Hwah! Hwah! Great character Lord Hamptonshire.
Imogen: I can see I’ll have to say something. We need to nip this in the bud.
Vere: Plenty of room in the Range Rover. Hwah! Hwah!
Imogen: You’re not listening Vere. We can’t just turn up with people like that.
Vere: Lord H won’t notice. He invites the whole village round. Hwah! Hwah! Good old fashioned lord of the manor taking care of the peasantry.
Imogen: This is like a bad dream. This isn’t what Christmas is about.
Hermione: I thought it was about…
Imogen: It’s about tradition and the family. Nothing to do with picking up strangers. Goodness knows what Jasper and Seraphima will pick up from them… they might catch something.
Hermione: They’re really nice. And they speak Cornish which is why they came to the service.
Hugo: Oh, there you are mater and pater. I’d like you to meet Jory and Sennara. They’re coming with us to Lord H.
Jory: Da yw genev metya genes.
Hermione: I love hearing real Cornish being spoken. It’s so charming.
Vere: Hwah! Hwah! Arsenal fans eh? Jolly good. Played in goal for Penzance? I had a spell as centre forward a few years back. Hwah! Hwah! Pretty useless but the old pater used to keep the club afloat.
Imogen: Vere. Take me home. I’ve got one of my migraines coming on.
Comments
Kernow bys vykken!
Ha ha ha, William, this is wonderful stuff! Real Cornish on the OU website, as well! I never thought I'd live to see that.
This must be the first time I've seen a Cornishman portrayed as the 'straight man', opposite idiotic English people (it's usually the other way round!). From the pen of an Englishman too!
Thank you for this - I loved every word and laughed out LOUD! Brilliant!
Meur ras dhiso jy ha Nadelik pur lowen!
(= Many thanks to you and a very happy Christmas!)
Handy phrases for your hols
Ni a vynnas dybri bara ha keus y'n diwotti. (We wanted to eat bread and cheese in the pub.)
De, ni a gemmeras tren dhe Porthia. (Yesterday, we took the train to St Ives.)
Gwell yw genev dybri pasti pur bras. (I prefer to eat a very large pasty.)
Ple hwrav vy mos rag prena bara? (Where do I go to buy bread?)
Ni a brenas bara y'n dre. (We bought bread in town.)
Py par chi yw hemma? (What sort of house is this?)
I didn't say these phrases were 'essential' (no 3 might be) - just 'handy'.
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Thank you so much Elizabeth. Jory and Sennara are quite endearing and I may use them again. I haven't quite got a handle on their characters yet. However they have the potential to inflict great mental anguish on Imogen. The Cornish phrases I'm sure will prove indispensable. I certainly like the one about the Cornish pasty. When I was a child my Saturday morning treat was to go down to the local baker's shop and buy myself a warm fresh Cornish pasty that melted in the mouth. They don't make them like that any more.
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My late mother made the best ones - completely vegan...
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Sounds like perfection! I guess she'd use Quorn if she were still alive today.
Quorn or TVP?
Not sure if she would, William. When quorn came out in the 1980s, it was hugely controversial among vegetarians. Firstly, it was made with egg albumen from battery hens. Secondly, it had been extensively tested on laboratory animals (more horror). Both of these things are anathema to vegetarians and vegans.
On the other hand, it reduced the consumption of dead animals, helped the planet, was healthier than meat and so on. I was already a vegan at that time, so rejected it for having any egg at all. Families were riven and whole communities armed themselves (I made up the last bit).
A few years later, they started using egg albumen from free-range hens and the Vegetarian Society gave it their seal of approval which reassures a lot of us. Under pressure, I tried it in a pie once and found it hideous. On the other hand, I have a vegetarian sister who swears by it. Hm.
The best thing for a pasty is Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP). All it is, is organic soya beans made to look like small brown (or pale) dried cubes that you hydrate (with Vecon and dried herbs IMO) and do things with. Completely uncontroversial (and vegan) and my Mother swore by them. Nothing has died or suffered in their manufacture. They seem to have been around since for ever and are so versatile you can do anything with them. Without doubt, they make the best pasties.
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Thanks for the info. I'll store it up. Quorn can be pretty nasty if it's overcooked - it goes slimy and it a bit like eating snails. I tried Tofu once but that never really graduated beyond Tofu. I'm semi vegetarian but when I go out to dinner I eat what I'm given (as my mother brought me up to do).
Incidentally I've just discovered Tribute beer so I'm now trying to support the Cornish economy by drinking it along with my habitual Doom Bar.
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'...when I go out to dinner I eat what I'm given...'
I can't imagine making someone eat what they have ethical objections to. You must know some very authoritarian cooks/hosts/hostesses, William!
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Oh, and thanks for supporting the Cornish economy!
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I like Jory and Sennara as well. As you say, these things can't be rushed.
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This business of me liking Jory and Sennara and you not knowing who they are yet.
It reminds me of that story of Charles Dickens at the newsagent when he overheard two people speculating on the next instalment of one of his stories that was almost due - And he didn't know, himself, what would happen! A terrifying moment for a writer!
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I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with Jory and Sennara. I did think of inviting them to have Christmas dinner with Imogen and Vere but I wasn't sure it would work. However they're very likeable and I'll try to find a place for them. Your mention of Dickens intrigued me. He was famous for writing off the cuff to meet deadlines - as you know much of his work was serialised - and that might have been one of the many reasons for his success - although he also wrote some absolute tripe because of time pressures.
What is undoubtedly true is that if the writer doesn't know what's going to happen next, there's little chance of the reader guessing. It makes writing more unpredictable and contributes to the suspense factor.
Tricky
I can see why Jory and Sennara would be a tad problematic. In real life, they just wouldn't come into contact with either Imogen's or Hermione's set. Certainly not at their meal tables. Probably, you don't know enough about them to do them justice.
I read somewhere that the upper classes are more comfortable with the least advantaged classes, because they understand the concept of people having nothing and being beholden to them as tenants, servants etc, than they are with the middle classes with their professional level careers, education, independence, home-ownership (but no land!) and lack of deference. These are like aliens from another planet. That sort of 'rings true' for me. It also partly explains why the Labour Party struggles to keep its deposits in places like Cornwall where you might expect the down-trodden to be revolting by now.
But not all 'peasants' do tow the line. Trouble is, the media doesn't look at life from the bottom of society so we are kind of invisible or seen as a 'problem', eg 'scroungers' if we lose our precarious employment and an 'eye-sore' if we become homeless (rather than victims of housing policy which allows second home-ownership) etc etc.
It's complicated because we're a class-ridden, snob-infested, unequal society. That's life, I guess (and what makes us laugh at Imogen of course).
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That is all very true Elizabeth. Of course one doesn't actually have to know about people to write about them. I meet a wide range of people who are like Jory and Sennara in the course of my work, so it shouldn't be too difficult to turn them into sympathetic and interesting characters. The challenge is to introduce them into Imogen's life. If I get some ideas about that, I'll resurrect them.
Cultural diversity
It has been said that ordinary folk are basically the same the world over and it may be true (it's governments that do the mischief!). That said, we all have many layers of identity and, for Cornish people, that does mean a great pride in being Cornish. If we weren't like that, we'd have been wiped off the face of the Earth long ago (many people would still like to wipe us off it).
If Jory and Sennara are to be Cornish (and not just English like their creator but with Cornish names), they need to be seen to be Cornish.
Long live cultural diversity!
Mental anguish
As you remarked somewhere else in your blog, Imogen really does need a dose of mental anguish from Jory and Sennara. I can't wait to see it all in action, actually. I'm sure you can pull it off!
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Thanks Elizabeth. I shall do my best to make Jory and Sennara as Cornish as possible. The key thing is that they upset Imogen, which is quite easy to do. I shall leave things simmering in my subconscious. Happy New Year!