When I decided to undertake this degree I had no idea how hard I would find it, even with my daughter in school I still don't seem to have much time and sometimes much motivation for doing work.
I try so hard to get my head into my studies, I want this degree more than anything. I've worked hard for the last two years to prepare myself for this so why can't I just sit down and do my work?
For the past few years Ive been suffering with major depression, call it fallout from a highly stressful and abusive 10 year relationship. People can't see depression, it doesn't have any physical manifestations and it is one of the hardest psychological illnesses to explain. People see it at laziness, or just a general can't be bothered attitude but it really isn't like that.
I get up with every intention of doing my work, I wake feeling full on and ready to face the world, then the dark clouds descend and work is the last thing on my mind.There are also days when I sit at my desk work in hand when my mind will start going 100mph thinking of every single thing in the world except my work. Of course there are good days, the ones where I sit down and actually do my work, like when I did my TMA01.
I'm not using depression as an excuse to not do work, I fight every single day to not let it take over so I can do what I need to do.
My daughter keeps me going, she is the light in my life and without her I would probably not be here.
I know no one will read this, which is fine, but if anyone does and you too are struggling get in touch. Be nice to talk about issues with someone who understands!!
'may the mass x acceleration be with you'
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It take a little while to get into the routine and it is normal to struggle to get into the mood. So you are not on your own, most of us find it hard.
And you probably already know that sitting, forcing yourself to study, every day, is a good way to keep depression at bay. Getting on with your life despite it is effective at stopping one from sliding down into the pit.
A recurring theme from people who have completed an OU degree is "it got me through my depression and now my life is better".
Keep going.
Can you feel the kilogramme metres per second squared?
I understand! :-)
About 6 or 7 years ago I was diagnosed schizophrenic and I can totally relate to where your coming from, I know I'm probably on a different course then you and I'm only a first year but I can totally relate to where your coming from, sometimes I feel like my illness really limits my concentration span. I constantly have thoughts running round my head and sometimes these thoughts are very paranoid indeed and its hard to then sit down and try and push these thoughts out to allow yourself to get work done. I can completely relate to that! I've never really had depression and I cant imagine what that's like but don't ever let anyone tell you your lazy your not lazy you have a mental health condition and some days that can take its toll. If it helps when my minds busy I try mindfulness meditation it really calms me down and as a result sometimes it buys me concentration time where by I can get work done. And its true what you say its even less easy when you have kids I have a little boy who's three next month and as soon as you sit down to do some work he starts doing something he shouldn't and I have to intervene.
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Thanks for the replies guys!!
I forced myself to sit at my desk yesterday and managed to finish my TMA and get it in a day early! felt good to be motivated!
Today however, was totally different. Sat at my desk and just could not get my head in my books at all, ended up doing everything but my work including sitting playing on paint to make a title page for my work lol,
Can't imagine how hard it must be with schizophrenia, researched the condition loads last year during my psychology A level,
I've found the best way to deal with my depression is to a) get loads of cuddles from my girlfriend, go to the mountains as much as i possibly can which has been once in the last year
and my daughter, she keeps me going.
Hope everyone is enjoying their course!