Just a few more tweaks and I hope to submit a day or two before the cut of date. I have enjoyed this first TMA, it was tough going at first, I'm one of those types that has it in my head but getting it down on paper and even trying to describe what's in my head verbally can be a challenge. Don't get me wrong, if I feel comfortable, I love to talk, thing is, you never know if your being judged, well, we're all judging to a degree, no pun intended, is there even a pun there? The thing is, I'm good on paper, so to speak, or should that be so to type, I type therefore I am, indeed. oh dear, this could be the first and last blogging I ever do, I'm not entirely sure in fact of the facts of what it is I'm doing here or what blogging is for that matter.
school was a torment for me, I loved it up until secondary school, a quick humiliation from Mr Lewis my combined science teacher in the first few weeks of the 1st year, then it was down hill all the way until I finally bunked off the last 2 years more or less, leaving with 4 or 5 CSE's, that was back in the 80's, almost got an O level. Yep, almost, by then I was so fearful of failure that I purposely missed my Art O level, I loved art, wasn't too bad at it, hence being put forward for the O level, but the fear of failure coupled with not feeling I was good enough, just overwhelmed me, so I didn't turn up.
31 years later, I almost feel comfortable in my own skin, who knows where it might lead.
Comments
Go girl
I was exactly the same at school. I unfortunately didn't realise the importance of education at the time that coupled with a short concentration span and other kids constantly making silly remarks about my intelligence or lack of it . I'll be honest I didn't care for school and constantly skived off in the estate or went for a long walk round the river dearne. My point is loads of people are like you and Possibley me and go onto do really well . I'm sure of it! Just don't get dragged down by negative people like I have lolT infinity and beyond
I understand Ruth, feelings of inadequacy lead to my favored detachment from society, I had friends at school, however, their maintenance drained me, I have always preferred my own company. Don't get me wrong. I like people, and have a few close friends.
Home and family life was challenging and continues to be so, as I feel sure it is for most of us, in different degree's. Adding peer pressure to that mix when you're young and trying to learn can push some of us over the edge, into what is all to often seen as troublesome behaviour. I cant vouch for teachers today, but back then, very few had the time or inclination to look beyond the obvious and I was labeled a 'trier that fails to make the grade' and offered no help. It was only the high achieves that teachers spent their time on. I ended up bunking school in a major way, missing virtually a whole year of R.E, my presence wasn't even missed as seen in my end of year report',
'Deborah is a quiet member of the class, but achieves a good standard of work'.
I feel sorry for the little girl I was back then, struggling as she did with a less than favorable home life, what a shame someone didn't catch her as she fell, as back then I didn't have the tools I needed to ask for help.
There's a book in there somewhere
But, I have learnt more than a few life lessons over the years, so it's not all bad, not all bad at all. Is that a double negative?
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That's was exactly it the ones that struggled got no help and the ones that where doing well got all the help in the world because. It boosts the grades of the school and makes it look better. My mum sent me to a school across the town because it had a better grading good or outstanding I cant remember. But all I remember is feeling bullied all the time I was their. One day this girl tried to push me under the shower in p.e in my clothes I fended her off my non violent means as my mum had brought me up to do. Any way that's why I never went to P.e I came out of my drum lesson and tottaly skived history and then p.e. Best thing was that the teacher believed the other girl because she was good at p.e and because all her little mates backed her up. So is life unfortunately. However I still have the girl on my facebook and by all accounts she's turned into a nice young lady. I had some good teachers though mrs dawson and mrs passman were amazing! although I don't think she knew I admired her so much because I was a total shit to teach.