Edited by William Konarzewski, Saturday, 4 Apr 2015, 08:58
Hermione: Well?
Imogen: Well what?
Hermione: How did it go?
Imogen: How did what go?
Hermione: You know.
Imogen: I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.
Hermione: Jory.
Imogen: Oh. That. I’d really prefer not to talk about it. I’ve got to have my hair done and I’m late. Please excuse me.
Hermione: You have your hair done on Thursday afternoons. It’s Tuesday today.
Imogen: I mean my nails. I can’t keep the manicurist waiting. She gets terribly booked up. Heavens above! Is that the time?
Hermione: Let me give you a lift then you won’t have to worry about parking.
Imogen: That won’t be necessary. One has a chauffeur.
Hermione: Oh. I hadn’t realised. When did you get him... ah! I see. I thought you’d just lent him the car.
Imogen: He keeps it clean and fills it with diesel. Chauffeurs are quite indispensible. Every woman should have one.
Hermione: Like butlers?
Imogen: Quite.
Hermione: And wood cutters?
Imogen: Now you really must excuse me.
Hermione: Please tell me. It’s not fair to keep me in suspense. I promise not to tell. I swear it on the bones of my ancestors.
Imogen: Were they people of importance?
Hermione: For goodness sake. It doesn’t matter. They were decent ordinary folk. But important to me. Now please tell me. Please, please, please.
Imogen: Oh, very well. I think we might need to open a bottle of something first.
Hermione: Pol Roger?
Imogen: Only if it’s a 2002.
Hermione: 2009?
Imogen: Close enough.
Pol Roger: ‘Pop’
Hermione: OK?
Imogen: It will do nicely.
Hermione: Now tell me.
Imogen: You won’t tell a soul.
Hermione: Cross my heart. Cut my throat. Guide’s honour. Let them bury me alive like a Vestal Virgin.
Imogen: He was a beast. You don’t really want to know about it.
Hermione: Did he play hard to get?
Imogen: Not after I explained about Droit de Seigneur.
Hermione: What?
Imogen: Surely you’ve heard of that.
Hermione: Yes, I saw Braveheart but isn’t that rather mediaeval?
Imogen: Cornwall is full of ancient traditions.
Hermione: That’s a new one on me.
Imogen: On the night before my wedding I had to pay a visit to Lord Hamptonshire.
Hermione: Wasn’t Vere a little upset about that?
Imogen: One did not inform Vere. But he’d have approved. He’s very strong on tradition.
Hermione: I thought it was Droit de Seigneur, not de Seigneureuse.
Imogen: I see it as my duty to women. Did Emily Davison die for nothing?
Hermione: I hadn’t realised Emily Davison died for that.
Imogen: Let us not forget Greer or the Pankhursts.
Hermione: One digresses. What happened with Jory?
Imogen: This is rather nice. Does one perchance have a second bottle?
Hermione: Not until all has been revealed.
Imogen: He drove me out to one of those vile noisy places full of the most unimaginably horrific common people with a car park full of ancient wrecks that looked abandoned by travellers.
Hermione: A pub?
Imogen: He talked and drank cider whilst I had four large gin and tonics.
Hermione: What did he say?
Imogen: I wasn’t listening. Something about waiting round the back of supermarkets for out of date produce. After that I lost interest.
Hermione: And after the four large gin and tonics?
Imogen: He drove me to a disused shepherd’s hovel on Lord Hamptonshire’s estate.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: I wore a blindfold.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: Very little else. I stood with my hands on the kitchen table.
Hermione: You had your back to him?
Imogen: One should never be too familiar with servants.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: It was bitterly cold and the electricity was cut off. He hadn't even thought of visiting the place and lighting a fire in the hearth.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: I thought of Cornwall, and tradition, and duty.
Hermione: Was that it?
Imogen: He was a beast. It was hideous. He took his time. I nearly froze to death. His hands were like sandpaper.
Hermione: Did you give him the two hundred pounds?
Imogen: No. I thought he was meant to give me two hundred pounds.
Hermione: He hasn’t got two hundred pounds.
Imogen: How on earth did you know? That’s exactly what he said.
Hermione: So you didn’t give him two hundred pounds?
Imogen: I paid for the drinks. He appeared not to have his wallet on him.
Hermione: But surely you initiated everything with all that talk of Droit de Seigneureuse?
Imogen: Perhaps. But one expects a gentleman to be a gentleman... although I now realise just how far short Jory is from being a gentleman.
Hermione: He’ll be a gentleman’s gentleman one day.
Imogen: Hmmm. I’ve often wondered about Vere... did you say something about a second bottle?
Hermione: I thought you had to have your nails done.
Hermione and Imogen: Droit de Seigneureuse
Hermione: Well?
Imogen: Well what?
Hermione: How did it go?
Imogen: How did what go?
Hermione: You know.
Imogen: I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.
Hermione: Jory.
Imogen: Oh. That. I’d really prefer not to talk about it. I’ve got to have my hair done and I’m late. Please excuse me.
Hermione: You have your hair done on Thursday afternoons. It’s Tuesday today.
Imogen: I mean my nails. I can’t keep the manicurist waiting. She gets terribly booked up. Heavens above! Is that the time?
Hermione: Let me give you a lift then you won’t have to worry about parking.
Imogen: That won’t be necessary. One has a chauffeur.
Hermione: Oh. I hadn’t realised. When did you get him... ah! I see. I thought you’d just lent him the car.
Imogen: He keeps it clean and fills it with diesel. Chauffeurs are quite indispensible. Every woman should have one.
Hermione: Like butlers?
Imogen: Quite.
Hermione: And wood cutters?
Imogen: Now you really must excuse me.
Hermione: Please tell me. It’s not fair to keep me in suspense. I promise not to tell. I swear it on the bones of my ancestors.
Imogen: Were they people of importance?
Hermione: For goodness sake. It doesn’t matter. They were decent ordinary folk. But important to me. Now please tell me. Please, please, please.
Imogen: Oh, very well. I think we might need to open a bottle of something first.
Hermione: Pol Roger?
Imogen: Only if it’s a 2002.
Hermione: 2009?
Imogen: Close enough.
Pol Roger: ‘Pop’
Hermione: OK?
Imogen: It will do nicely.
Hermione: Now tell me.
Imogen: You won’t tell a soul.
Hermione: Cross my heart. Cut my throat. Guide’s honour. Let them bury me alive like a Vestal Virgin.
Imogen: He was a beast. You don’t really want to know about it.
Hermione: Did he play hard to get?
Imogen: Not after I explained about Droit de Seigneur.
Hermione: What?
Imogen: Surely you’ve heard of that.
Hermione: Yes, I saw Braveheart but isn’t that rather mediaeval?
Imogen: Cornwall is full of ancient traditions.
Hermione: That’s a new one on me.
Imogen: On the night before my wedding I had to pay a visit to Lord Hamptonshire.
Hermione: Wasn’t Vere a little upset about that?
Imogen: One did not inform Vere. But he’d have approved. He’s very strong on tradition.
Hermione: I thought it was Droit de Seigneur, not de Seigneureuse.
Imogen: I see it as my duty to women. Did Emily Davison die for nothing?
Hermione: I hadn’t realised Emily Davison died for that.
Imogen: Let us not forget Greer or the Pankhursts.
Hermione: One digresses. What happened with Jory?
Imogen: This is rather nice. Does one perchance have a second bottle?
Hermione: Not until all has been revealed.
Imogen: He drove me out to one of those vile noisy places full of the most unimaginably horrific common people with a car park full of ancient wrecks that looked abandoned by travellers.
Hermione: A pub?
Imogen: He talked and drank cider whilst I had four large gin and tonics.
Hermione: What did he say?
Imogen: I wasn’t listening. Something about waiting round the back of supermarkets for out of date produce. After that I lost interest.
Hermione: And after the four large gin and tonics?
Imogen: He drove me to a disused shepherd’s hovel on Lord Hamptonshire’s estate.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: I wore a blindfold.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: Very little else. I stood with my hands on the kitchen table.
Hermione: You had your back to him?
Imogen: One should never be too familiar with servants.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: It was bitterly cold and the electricity was cut off. He hadn't even thought of visiting the place and lighting a fire in the hearth.
Hermione: And?
Imogen: I thought of Cornwall, and tradition, and duty.
Hermione: Was that it?
Imogen: He was a beast. It was hideous. He took his time. I nearly froze to death. His hands were like sandpaper.
Hermione: Did you give him the two hundred pounds?
Imogen: No. I thought he was meant to give me two hundred pounds.
Hermione: He hasn’t got two hundred pounds.
Imogen: How on earth did you know? That’s exactly what he said.
Hermione: So you didn’t give him two hundred pounds?
Imogen: I paid for the drinks. He appeared not to have his wallet on him.
Hermione: But surely you initiated everything with all that talk of Droit de Seigneureuse?
Imogen: Perhaps. But one expects a gentleman to be a gentleman... although I now realise just how far short Jory is from being a gentleman.
Hermione: He’ll be a gentleman’s gentleman one day.
Imogen: Hmmm. I’ve often wondered about Vere... did you say something about a second bottle?
Hermione: I thought you had to have your nails done.
Imogen: That’s tomorrow now you mention it.