I seem to get addicted to anything and everything. Usually I have to completely avoid whatever it is if I intend not to use, eat, drink, smoke, buy.... I've given up smoking, given up white wine, given up certain clothes shops. In recent years I've become addicted to supermarkets, which I think is more sad than anything. There are times when our house is piled high with multiple purchases of the same item. There have been times when there have been literally hundreds of tins of things like tinned tomatoes, tuna and baked beans. There was the ice lolly phase where I filled all three drawers of the freezer with ice lollies, and every time I ate one had to have it immediately replaced. And there was the time when our sitting room was so full of multipacks of pepsi max that you could build mini fortresses and play at being King of the indoor castle. And the sock phase, the hoody phase, the jeans phase, the yoghurt phase, the bubble bath phase (that we are still working our way through some years later)... the list is endless, and ridiculous. I realised at some point, that I was going to have to stop going into supermarkets, because I just couldn't trust myself. Then I decided that I would write a list of the main foods that I eat, and I could only buy those foods from the supermarket, no matter what was on special offer. Now this has worked to some extent, but it means I obsess over not running out of these self-imposed staple items. The difficulty is, is that it's not about willpower. It's something different. It's this intense need for rules. My willpower is incredible. If anything, it is too good. I can put myself through physical pain in order to stick to rules that I put upon myself. So, having learnt to semi-manage these addictions and obsessions, I now have to learn how to be flexible in my management. And that is what I am struggling with. A lot of this is due supposedly to a lack of social imagination, and the need for rules and routines is almost expected in my case. But I feel that this stuff must be able to be learnt. I've improved so much; it's just this final hurdle. It just seems that every big obsession that I deal with breaks itself down into hundreds of smaller obsessions that are actually more difficult to manage. Well more complex anyway. But I guess that's the world. Here I am, happily having been seeing everything in black and white, and now I'm trying to learn to see it in full colour. It's so hard!
On a separate note I got tricked into buying two bottles of appletiser today which is really irritating. I don't even know what spirits I could mix it with to make it seem like I did it on purpose. Vodka maybe. That mint Polish vodka was nice with apple juice. Maybe I should pick some mint.
I really want to know how I did in my final assignment for B3 too. It's really annoying. My second assignment got typed in with the original low mark on the assessment page. Then when it got remarked, the new mark for the second assignment got inputted into the space for the third assignment. So now I have the wrong mark in both boxes, and my tutor hasn't been able to return my third assignment to me even though he has marked it.
I don't think I'm going to get that S3 assignment done by tomorrow as I'd hoped. I haven't been in the mood for it at all. I think I need a home holiday. A week that's like being on holiday with nothing to do, but at home, as I'm not a fan of being away from home. And telling people that I'm on holiday so they don't bother me. Truth is, that's basically what I've done, only it hasn't felt like it because I hadn't realised I'd done it. Fool.
I signed up to Twitter the other day, so that I could get 'tweets' (I can't get my head around so many people talking about this as if it sounds normal) from a virtual friend who puts all his gigs up on there. I did a 'tweet'. I don't get it at all. But then, I didn't get this at first, and now I quite enjoy it. I more enjoy reading the other entries on here and feeling like I know a little more about people that I don't actually know anything about. There's a reason it's called a virtual world.
I found a link on facebook today as well called 'between you and me'. I clicked on it, and it's some stupid thing where you answer pointless questions about people. I was surprised about some of the answers people had given about me, and quite pissed off about a few too. One of them said that they thought I sang Britney Spears' songs aloud when I was on my own. What a ridiculous notion. It prompted me to put up a status update abusing the anonymous answerer.
Anyway, I'm meant to be reading the assignment questions. I think if I can make myself do that, then I'll be in with a chance of at least getting a draft done. Dunno when I'll get time to read the text book though. One thing at a time.
Addictions, trickery and irritations.
I seem to get addicted to anything and everything. Usually I have to completely avoid whatever it is if I intend not to use, eat, drink, smoke, buy.... I've given up smoking, given up white wine, given up certain clothes shops. In recent years I've become addicted to supermarkets, which I think is more sad than anything. There are times when our house is piled high with multiple purchases of the same item. There have been times when there have been literally hundreds of tins of things like tinned tomatoes, tuna and baked beans. There was the ice lolly phase where I filled all three drawers of the freezer with ice lollies, and every time I ate one had to have it immediately replaced. And there was the time when our sitting room was so full of multipacks of pepsi max that you could build mini fortresses and play at being King of the indoor castle. And the sock phase, the hoody phase, the jeans phase, the yoghurt phase, the bubble bath phase (that we are still working our way through some years later)... the list is endless, and ridiculous. I realised at some point, that I was going to have to stop going into supermarkets, because I just couldn't trust myself. Then I decided that I would write a list of the main foods that I eat, and I could only buy those foods from the supermarket, no matter what was on special offer. Now this has worked to some extent, but it means I obsess over not running out of these self-imposed staple items. The difficulty is, is that it's not about willpower. It's something different. It's this intense need for rules. My willpower is incredible. If anything, it is too good. I can put myself through physical pain in order to stick to rules that I put upon myself. So, having learnt to semi-manage these addictions and obsessions, I now have to learn how to be flexible in my management. And that is what I am struggling with. A lot of this is due supposedly to a lack of social imagination, and the need for rules and routines is almost expected in my case. But I feel that this stuff must be able to be learnt. I've improved so much; it's just this final hurdle. It just seems that every big obsession that I deal with breaks itself down into hundreds of smaller obsessions that are actually more difficult to manage. Well more complex anyway. But I guess that's the world. Here I am, happily having been seeing everything in black and white, and now I'm trying to learn to see it in full colour. It's so hard!
On a separate note I got tricked into buying two bottles of appletiser today which is really irritating. I don't even know what spirits I could mix it with to make it seem like I did it on purpose. Vodka maybe. That mint Polish vodka was nice with apple juice. Maybe I should pick some mint.
I really want to know how I did in my final assignment for B3 too. It's really annoying. My second assignment got typed in with the original low mark on the assessment page. Then when it got remarked, the new mark for the second assignment got inputted into the space for the third assignment. So now I have the wrong mark in both boxes, and my tutor hasn't been able to return my third assignment to me even though he has marked it.
I don't think I'm going to get that S3 assignment done by tomorrow as I'd hoped. I haven't been in the mood for it at all. I think I need a home holiday. A week that's like being on holiday with nothing to do, but at home, as I'm not a fan of being away from home. And telling people that I'm on holiday so they don't bother me. Truth is, that's basically what I've done, only it hasn't felt like it because I hadn't realised I'd done it. Fool.
I signed up to Twitter the other day, so that I could get 'tweets' (I can't get my head around so many people talking about this as if it sounds normal) from a virtual friend who puts all his gigs up on there. I did a 'tweet'. I don't get it at all. But then, I didn't get this at first, and now I quite enjoy it. I more enjoy reading the other entries on here and feeling like I know a little more about people that I don't actually know anything about. There's a reason it's called a virtual world.
I found a link on facebook today as well called 'between you and me'. I clicked on it, and it's some stupid thing where you answer pointless questions about people. I was surprised about some of the answers people had given about me, and quite pissed off about a few too. One of them said that they thought I sang Britney Spears' songs aloud when I was on my own. What a ridiculous notion. It prompted me to put up a status update abusing the anonymous answerer.
Anyway, I'm meant to be reading the assignment questions. I think if I can make myself do that, then I'll be in with a chance of at least getting a draft done. Dunno when I'll get time to read the text book though. One thing at a time.