Personal Blogs

The real beauty of adverts without the advert...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ezIDjud6PD0#at=112

Well, it really has been a busy week.  First of all, I have successfully survived a one hour period with a dentist.  It was, I think, the hardest thing I have done in the past decade, and I don't know how I got through, but I did.  Couldn't walk in straight line when I left, and collapsed in the car park, and shook so much during the procedures that I had to be given 'breathing breaks' to get my pulse back to a non-cardiac-arrest-inducing rate, but the fact remains, I sat it out.  I felt a little sorry for the person sat in the waiting room, as I staggered past them, white, and holding back the tears.  Ten minutes after leaving I was able to walk and felt absolutely fine.  As though it never happened.  Strange.

Then I had to play quite a bit of catch up with the T course to get the iCMA in, but actually, if I'm honest, it was less time consuming than I anticipated.  I don't suppose the same will be the case for the two ECAs that I need to do asap, not to mention the S3 course, which once again hasn't had a look in.  I remain entirely fed up with studying this year, and have no motivation or enthusiasm for it.  I can't wait for it to be over, so I can rejuvenate myself, and get back to taking pleasure in what I'm doing.

I got a letter through this morning from my therapy woman to say I was now discharged from the service.  That's a relief.  I also got a cheque for a wrongly taken direct debit, which I had thought would be more of a battle.  It's written out to the wrong name, but who am I to expect complete accuracy and efficiency in this day and age. 

I've spent lots of time catching up with friends, and quite a bit of time doing nothing at all.  I've had very limited sleep for several weeks, apart from on wine nights.  And that never seems to give me good sleep, just the fast passing of time with closed eyes.  I still wake up tired.

I have decided that I will go to a festival on my own.  If I don't enjoy it, then it's just one weekend, and if I do, it opens up a whole new world of mental space for me.  Nothing to lose really.  That will make 4 festivals this year.  Not too shabby.

Right now I'm eating a chupa chops lolly.  I had sworn off sweets since the dentist, but this is a one off.  I picked it up yesterday.  It was in the pudding section of a Chinese buffet.  Weird right?  There was pretty much the entire Mr Kipling selection, as well as a bowl of lollies, jelly babies, milky bar yoghurts, and the usual cakes and ice creams.  I found it pretty exciting.  When I was a child I would have been unable to contain my excitement.  I had a similar experience at Exeter train station earlier this week.   I decided to get a snack from the machine, which is something I am usually loathe to do, but I was running on empty.  I was struggling to decide which item to buy, and to find something that wasn't solely unhealthy, when I spotted that one of the chocolate ones was hanging a little over the edge of the ring that contained it.  All thoughts of health left me immediately, for I had spotted a possible opportunity to get 2 for the price of 1.  I put my money in, made the selection, and the rings started to coil, releasing first one packet, and then a second packet.  I could not have been happier!  So there it is, teeth rotting as they may be, I could not resist the lolly that I considered a sort of freebie.  Tut tut.  The dentist has caused me to completely give up pepsi max though, which was a bad habit I picked up at work a few years ago, and then became seriously addicted.  Prior to that I had never touched a fizzy drink, apart from as a mixer.  In fact I don't even like fizzy drinks as a rule.  But pepsi max had me gripped.  And now I'm back to never touching any of them.  So that's good, as I've been trying to quit it all year.

Evidently I have nothing to say.  I thought that I did when I came on here, but I am fast proving otherwise, so I'll return another time.