Personal Blogs

I've been thinking on and off about people over the past few weeks, and there are so many bits I just don't understand.  I have kept my recent diagnosis from everyone other than in 'what if' scenarios, because their reaction is an irritant to me.  People don't listen.  I know I am guilty of that myself, particularly if you bore me, but I won't lie.  I don't recall ever having told someone who is outright boring that I find them fascinating.  I do my best to be polite.  I guess that involves a bit of role play.  The reason that I am happy to have some negative words put to me is that I can improve.  I don't want to be dragged down, or excused bad behaviour.  I want to be the best that I can be.  I want to be as un-obvious as I can be.  I want to just be.  And if a psych prof gives me information that helps me to understand my odd behaviour, and put it straight, then what can be wrong with that?  The people closest to me don't want it.  Well half of them don't.  I don't want to be given special treatment by any stretch, but I see this as an opportunity for my friends to openly tell me when my actions or words are not the norm.  And I want that.  I've spent my whole life learning the rules of social interaction; I don't want to stop learning now.  Sometimes it seems to me that people are jealous of society-generated-disabilities.  I don't get it.  I've never been jealous of someone because they're worse off than me and need more care.  I've cared for them.  I've worked in care for 10 years.  I might be jealous of someone who had a double decker when I was really hungry.  I'd never be jealous of someone in hospital who had twenty people really loving them and doing everything in their power to help them live.  As I say, people are very strange.