Personal Blogs

In answer to my question as to whether I would be pleased with my half-hearted attempt at my last assignment in exchange for sanity maintenance, or disappointed: whole-heartedly disappointed.  It was stupid and foolhardy.  There is some very strange psychology going on behind that feeling though.  When I finally accepted that I was not in the mood to write an assignment, I went on the basis that if I answered about 70% of it, I should hopefully get around 40%.  Turns out that the stuff I did answer, I answered near perfectly.  Now of course I realise that this assignment could have been one to make my average a more relaxing one.  Had I got 40%, I think I would have accepted that it was what I deserved, and been pleased to have achieved anything with so little effort.  This fortuitous higher mark has just made me feel very lazy, and foolish.  Odd how I keep having unexpected responses.  It seems I don't know myself as well as I thought, and yet people persist in telling me that I over-analyse myself.   

It's been a busy few weeks.  I've been for lunch with family which, had I been blogging for ten years, would not have been an entry anyone would expect to see.  It went very well; a little strange at times though.  I find other people's emotions are almost visible, and swirl around, moving in unexpected directions, in much the way a hat does in the wind, when you are trying to catch it.  Catching blowing hats is a common event in my life.  Avoiding blowing emotions is another, though when sat at a table, with them all whooshing around, they were hard to avoid without making bizarre movements throughout the meal, which I felt would be inappropriate.

Yesterday I went to the Bristol Balloon Fiesta with friends.  It was fantastic. 

It's quite a hefty walk from Temple Meads to Ashton Court and back though, especially when contending with a complete lack of sense of direction, as I was.  There was a good three hours power walking either side of enjoying the festival.  To add excitement to excitement there was also a fair, and slushy drinks.  My friend made us all a wonderful lunch, and the day as a whole filled me with positivity.  And that was despite checking my assignment score on my phone mid-way through.  In our little group was my friend's five-year-old son.  He is quite possibly the coolest child I have ever met, and my friend has done a wonderful job with him.  She lacks confidence when in fact she should be running around singing her own praises to the world.  She doesn't though, so I sang them for her.  We have only recently regained contact, and I'm just so glad that we have.  It's incredibly unusual for me to feel totally comfortable in the presence of someone I haven't seen in a long time, but she is one of those rarities.  Long may it last.

My tickets to a bluegrass festival have arrived.  I'm so excited!  I'm a little annoyed as one of the bands I wanted to see involved the purchase of a separate 'concert' ticket.  I wish festivals would just charge for the weekend as a whole.  More and more of them seem to advertise at a price, and then all of a sudden camping is extra, and parking, and special areas that cost more... it's hardly in the spirit of things.  But aside from mentioning it here, I am over it now.  What's spent is spent, and I'm hoping that the friend I am taking will enjoy it as much as I think she will. 

Following the recent discovery of raspberry sourz, my love of cherry sourz has been reignited.  With raspberry sourz being an equal pleasure.  I went cold turkey on cherry sourz some time ago, in much the same way as I did with pepsi max and cigarettes.  Food and drink is something that I have always obsessed over.  I am at my most comfortable when the same things are part of my diet over and over.  There's no harm in it for the most part.  At the moment I live almost solely off salad, varying vegetable based ratatouille type stuff, apples, crackers, mushroom soup, weetabix and wine.  And now sourz, unfortunately.  When the bottle I have is finished, I intend, once again, to give it up.  A friend reminded me last night that when he first met me, for the first six months of our friendship, each day I would eat 1 banana, 1/2 avocado, 1/2 bag spinach, 1/2 baked potato, 1 tin of tuna and 1 pint of milk.  That was some time ago, but I do remember.  It was based on a very literal interpretation of my nutritional requirements, and very carefully calculated.  At least now I vary the amounts, and intentionally vary the foodstuffs from time to time.  All I can say is thank goodness for vegetables, or I'm not sure that I'd have survived some of my more extreme eating rituals.  I was reminded of this, not only because of the sourz, but because of the lunch yesterday.  I found it liberating to eat a lunch prepared by someone else.  Frightening, but liberating.  It took me a while.  I ate a bit, and then put the rest in my bag until my mind settled and stopped asking internal questions about the ingredients.  Each time it settled, I ate again.  By the end of the day I had tried almost everything, and more importantly enjoyed everything.  For me, this is quite an achievement, and one that I am proud of.  I still need to give up sourz though!!

One of our cats is up to something secretive.  He disappears for entire days and nights, only returning now and then, usually at about 1am, to be fed, and then goes straight back out.  This behaviour is coming from a very old cat who tends to sleep for 23/24 hours of most days, inside.  I think it must be love.

Right, it's time to go, the Sunday drilling has subsided, so hopefully I can get a little reading done.