The day that I prove to myself that I am brave and mature. I am going to a Hen party. I am a friend of a woman who is having a Hen party. I hate parties, fear large groups of women, am terrified of Saturday night when combined with the town centre, alcohol and idiots, and do not enjoy dressing up. I do not know 93% of the people who will be there. The 7% is my friend. If I include myself in the knowing then I know 14% of the people, but as I cannot reasonably engage myself in conversation at a party, I don't think that I count. I'm scared of new people. And what makes it a thousand times worse is the entire premise of a Hen party. I can't take Al for moral support. I woke up at 7am this morning, and I have not thought of anything else.
So now I will. Through the medium of the blog. My skin has become ridiculously sensitive. Even the movement of my hair is painful, and material much worse. I'm overly sensitive to touch anyway, but this is sensitivity that is hardly bearable. Air movement makes it itch, and water makes it burn. This has happened before, and I was told it was a symptom of bodily repair after a serious head injury, which I sustained at the end of last year. I've been suffering various side effects for the past eight months, but in the last week, all the original hard-to-live-with ones have returned in full force. I always considered myself a fast healer, but this directly contradicts that belief. I will have to relegate my recovery speed to poor. At least the unpleasant sensations of crawling, fizzing and needles, clicking and dizziness, not to mention nausea, will give me something to focus on when I am out tonight. The one that is really getting me down is re-losing my balance and coordination. I am dropping things, stumbling, and worst of all, unable to balance on the running machine, aka, the anxiety reliever. Not ideal! Plus it means a return to the doctor, which is something I find best avoided if I wish to be calm. At least I'm still smiling. Despite my head being the most painful part of all this nonsense, my face is the part of my body I have maintained complete control of. Of course I am referring to muscle control. I make no such claims on the occasional mishaps with what comes out of my mouth.
I hope I don't stumble too much tonight. I resent it even more when I have an alcoholic beverage in my hand. A mistaken perception from others as to my levels of intoxication is sure to result.
Yesterday I actually did a little study. Admittedly it mainly involved watching the videos from the DVD. Today I aim to try to stay focused on the text book. And not think about hens or stags or brain injury. Good luck with that!
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Good luck! And try and arrange it so that the day after is free so you can have a 'recovery' day. I have often gone and hid in a toilet or somewhere for 10 mins (or even half an hour) when the need to escape arises. And I never ever go anywhere without my own means of getting home. Either me driving or having a taxi booked. And, the dressing up part...I found a way to manage that as a sort of 'challenge' that I meet (or beat). And I became good at it. But, I could never tolerate having to dress up all the time! I don't always think reticence about social gatherings is about not wanting to or not enjoying talking to other people, I reckon a lot of the time it's more about how much it exhausts me, and how my mind and mouth works overtime and afterwards you keep thinking OMG did I really say that! Or do that! And it's anxiety about being forced to do follow protocols, or feeling trapped. And having people trying to persuade you from going home at a reasonable but earlyish time. Anyway, hope it goes okay!New comment
Hi Rosie
Hope it all turns out ok. I'm with you and Emily on parties - absolutely hate them and will get out of them every time if I can, especially when I know only one or two people. When I used to drink alcohol it wasn't so bad as I found a glass or two of wine helped me to relax and gave me a bit of confidence.
Good luck Rosie
. I think sometimes it's just a matter of getting through these things and giving ourselves a pat of the back when we do. Hope you manage to relax tomorrow and those horrendous symptoms disappear.
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I also see social events as a challenge. A few years ago, I just wouldn't have gone. Though in this particular case, that might have been a preferable option! I also know what you mean about it being exhausting. Meeting really good friends is fine, and not tiring. They know my quirks and they are nearly impossible to offend. Mainly because even if I say something that could be construed as rude, they know I don't mean it in that way. Meeting people who I don't know on the other hand is a minefield. All those mental lists of social rules I have stored stream before my eyes, and I have to constantly check them. Trouble is, drink by drink they become harder to read!
Thanks to you both for your encouraging words! It was nice to read something pleasant after a rubbish night!