Last night I met with a good friend to debrief, and to develop a strategy to avoid a repeat performance. He was very helpful. He understands how my mind works and always gives obvious, but nicely laid out advice. I have a new mental checklist for stressful group situations. Within the first half an hour I should establish whether I am with people who are pleasant to be around. If they are not, check the time, and ensure I leave within the next hour. Have someone on standby to meet me after. If I had of had this information in advance, I would have left, and a whole heap of stress could have been avoided. As it was, I felt I had to stay. It can be difficult when faced with a totally new situation to know how to behave, particularly when it comes to what would be considered rude. I felt fairly sure it would be rude to leave before everyone had arrived (some people did not show until after 11pm). Turns out that's not the case. It's the showing of the face that's important, not how long it stays for. If I had been a little smarter, I would have discussed it properly with a friend beforehand, and come up with a sensible strategy to keep me out of mischief. I knew well in advance that it was going to be difficult. Anyway, we haven't had a withdrawal of our invite to the Wedding to date, so I am assuming that I left just as I felt myself losing control of my emotions. I have to leave very suddenly in those situations - the turn around from normal to mental is incredibly quick - and that would explain why I left without saying anything. So hopefully I have narrowly avoided a terrible faux pas!
I'll be glad when the Wedding is over and I can put this whole state of affairs behind me! Not long to go now! And I go to the Wedding straight from a festival, so I should be nicely jaded. Ooh, the festival! That's very exciting! That's the sort of thing I should be focusing on! I haven't been to this one for years and years. I jammed for the very first time at it, when I was about 14. I was terrified! Happy memories, that I am looking forward to reliving. Hopefully I'll form a heap of new ones too. Can't beat a bit of bluegrass!
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Rosie, I learned that people will let you leave early without too much protest if you have some socially acceptable reason. I learned this when I dragged myself to a party I felt obliged to go to when I was on antibiotics once. People were fine about not drinking too. With an acceptable reason people seem able to thank you for going and not be upset that you 'choose' to leave early . Anyway, most people sort of accept how I am now....some because they have given up trying to alter me (begrudgingly i think) and others for reasons I am not sure of....I think I might be an amusing guest? But, actually I am really not sure!New comment
Yeah it's funny the way these things get discovered. Always from experience in my case, rather than anticipating the problem. Usually resulting in some ridiculous calamity! I sometimes use assignment deadlines to get out of things, because I'm the only person who knows when they really have to be in by!
Ha, I know what you mean about being an amusing guest! I am definitely invited out by some people to play the entertainer. Only by people who are semi-friends though. The sort of people I don't mind or dislike, but have no active interest in. My good friends though, seem to have no desire to change me, and in fact go out of their way to make life easier for me. I'm going to a graduation ball for my very best friend in a few weeks, and she has literally given me a list of instructions, and an excellent description of the event - number of people, outfits, what happened in previous years, how to get out of dancing, topics of conversation for the different people she knows... she is awesome, and I didn't even have to ask. She knows that for something so stressful as a ball I am going to have an endless list of questions, so now she just gets in first!
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Rosie - you have great friends and I'm sure you are a great friend to them! The night sounds like a nightmare experience, but look at what you have learnt from it and how the strategies will be useful for any similar events that might happen.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Think happy thoughts
x
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I do indeed have some very good friends! And yes, all of these situations are ultimately useful to me. I don't often find myself at a total loss as to what to do, but I had never come across anything like it before. Hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is, I've got a good plan in place!