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ROSIE Rushton-Stone

What's going on in there?

Visible to anyone in the world

Behind the walls of skin and skull, my body and brain are up to something secret.  I might add that this is not a mentally unstable statement!  Having spent a significant amount of time running off my worries yesterday, I awoke to find them returned with renewed intensity.  They were not gone at all, I was just too physically exhausted to acknowledge their presence.  The difficulty is, unusually, I do not know what I'm worrying about.  I have that slightly nauseous feeling of nervousness, and the anxious tingle I know only too well.  A feeling of fizziness.  It's ok, but it would be nice to be let in on the secret.  I can't concentrate on anything.  Something is playing on my mind.  Without my knowledge.  How is that even possible?

Today I write from a different location.  I am at a friend's house, checking he hasn't been residentially mugged whilst away in Italy.  He hasn't.  It's scarily rough here though.  Less than a ten minute walk from my house, but a whole World apart.  The family who live opposite terrify me.  The sort of people who openly stand outside their house dealing, and permit their rottweilers and pit bulls to threaten passers by such as myself.  Always allowing a little too much length to their dog's lead, so that it can jump and bark, and feasibly bite, within inches of you.  Intimidating thugs who only maintain these levels of repugnant hostility through their confidence in the support of the rest of their neanderthal pack.  It wasn't so bad last year.  Most of them were in prison.  I guess it won't be long before that particular state of affairs is restored.

I'm missing him for more than my usual lift home.  I am highly dependent on him for advice and moral support.  He is to me the very best of father figures, and though heading towards 70 and his memory starting to fail, he continues to manage my ever unbalanced world.  I cannot wait for him to get back.  Sitting in his house is a small comfort.  I've found some items of amusement.  His shopping list which is simply 'booze' in the centre of a brown envelope.  A number of scribblings of notes taken from phone conversations to me, none of which I can imagine will make any sense to him in isolation.  Things like 'snuff taker/bargewoman', 'evolution and algorithms' and 'C 1760 -> hate 19th C'.  Really, if he thinks he will forget, he should take more detailed notes.  He left me a crate of beer which is nice, and in gratitude, I took a little trip to the shops this morning, and have adorned his kitchen surface with a bottle of the finest brandy, some dark lindt chocolate, a box of turkish delight and a big bag of wine gums.  Well what was available of his kitchen surface.  He truly is the most cluttered being I know; it's wonderful.  My grandad was like that.  Maybe this friend reminds me of him.

During my trip to the supermarket, I believe for some fortunate beings a large amount of free food and drink was obtained.  Just as I came to the point of paying, the fire alarms went off.  That has never happened before, and I'm surprised I didn't have a coronary on the spot.  Hundreds of people all exiting together.  Makes me feel on edge just to recall.  I had unfortunately just paid.  For the majority of others, they all headed outside with their trolleys, and a large percentage of them took the opportunity to sidle off to their cars.  I reckon there were many thousands of pounds lost today.  I am reconciled to accept my poor timing, and have to acquiesce to the fact that had I walked off with my basket, I would likely never have been able to get the security thing off the brandy.  Also of course, I would be a thief, and that would take away somewhat from my chastisement of the local criminals.

I think what I am worried about is the family lunch tomorrow.  I haven't actively thought about it, but I can't think of anything else that would be making me so jittery.

I haven't any physical recompense for yesterday's half marathon.  That surprises me.

Hmm, a little read of the text book perhaps...

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What a beautifully written blog. I often have times of jitters for which I can think of no solid reason. I hope yours subside soon, perhaps they are the payback for yesterday's run.

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Hi Rosie

Sounds like much has been going on below your brain's level of consciousness, and I agree, it should at least let you into the secret smile.  Joking aside, you've had a lot to deal with lately Rosie.  Hope all goes well with the family meeting tomorrow.

Sounds like you have a great friend/mentor.  Don't like the sound of the rotweiler owners near to his home though.  I wouldn't want to walk too close!  Take good care Rosie.

Have you got any of that nice stew left?

Sue xx

 

Joyce Rae

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Rosie, don't worry about tomorrow. Just relax, be yourself and blend in. You aren't on trial, you are part of the family. Belong. x

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Hi Rosie

Been thinking about you and hoping your family meeting wasn't too stressful x.

ROSIE Rushton-Stone

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Thanks all smile

It went well I think, overall x