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ROSIE Rushton-Stone

Settled versus single

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I think I've broken Sam.  Well, at least guided her around the bars that caused the breakage.  She's mending on the sofa for the time being, so I figure now is a good time to check in.

I never did remember what I wanted to write about yesterday.

Last night we had an in-depth chat about the merits of the single life versus the settled life, over cocktails, crabbies and wine.  There are pros and cons to both, but neither of us are entirely sure which is the more desirable.  We both met our partners at around the same time, and following on from a colourful youth, miraculously both settled down within months of each other.  Six years on, she has found herself single again.  It is perfect timing for the ultimate discussion of what we really want.  And we don't know!  I find myself a little put out by her new-found freedom.  I am taken back to a time when all I had to worry about was paying my rent and finding the cheapest pint.  My concerns did not lie with heating, hot water, or even electricity.  I was consumed with a hunger for life, albeit a tad debauched.  And so was she.  We had the most amazing few years exploring this world together, constantly spinning out of control, lunging from one delightful disaster to another.  A few months ago, I came across my Exmouth jumper.  This is the jumper that was flung on when my buzzer went in the middle of the night, when disaster had struck, and the only place to be was the sea.  I'd stumble out the door, into her car, and we would sit overlooking the sea, chain smoking, while she ranted until her head calmed down.  We look back so fondly on that time, but the reality was that those were moments of emotional turbulence, that although now appear to be meaningless, even amusing events, were not so at the time.  The bond though, between two single girls with a self-created moral code, was, and remains, indestructibly strong.

Despite being able to look back and realise it wasn't all good - it was ice cold showers, going to bed in a hat and scarf, waking up from parties to find my flat repainted with wall doodles and various people scattered about the floor, broken hearts, bruises and tears.  But still it just seems so attractive.  I'm being seduced by my own youth.  I sit here, in a house with all the utilities I could ever need, in a relationship that still brings me pleasure and laughter, my cats, and yet there's a part of me that says I could give it all up for a few weeks of my old life.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't, and I realise it's probably not the most brilliant thing to openly admit to.  But I cannot be alone.  Other people's lives cause me to sit back and evaluate my own.  Sam and I have always coincidentally followed the same paths.  Settled.  Single.  Settled.  Single.  This situation is new.  I might have to force her back into a relationship so she can stop unwittingly tormenting me with her fun-filled roller-coaster of a single life.

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Joyce Rae

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It's certainly a bit debate and one where your views are likely to fluctuate depending on the circumstances you are currently in. I totally understand your current state of mind  and I am glad you have so many experiences that give you pleasure now when reflecting on the past. Enjoy the rest of the weekend. wink

ROSIE Rushton-Stone

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Will do!  Hope you're having a good weekend yourself.