Edited by Annie Storkey, Friday, 29 Oct 2021, 16:50
Like many people with bipolar disorder, I have a problem
with anxiety. Stress is a major trigger for bipolar disorder and my main method
of controlling my stress, and consequent anxiety, is to meticulously plan my
life. I don’t like surprises and I try to limit my exposure to them. Friends
know not to turn up randomly on my doorstep and I plan my work diary
efficiently with achievable goals. And this all has a positive effect on my working
life as it means I am able to meet deadlines and have the time and space to
manage any extra issues that crop up; phoning worried students, covering for
colleagues, etc. I live a very organised life.
But it does mean sudden, unplanned changes to my routine
make me anxious. Perhaps in some ways the method I use to combat anxiety can
also cause it and today is a fine example.
We’ve been planning to get a new drive for several months
but pinning builders down has been difficult. But suddenly we had an offer to
do it today so we snapped it up.
Today I had planned to spend the whole day working (I work
part time). I would spend the morning doing admin, sending weekly emails to my
students, planning a tutorial, updating forums. This afternoon I would do
marking. This was all in my diary. But my day has been unsettled and I cannot
get my head around my work. The builders aren’t that noisy, I’ve heard far
worse. But they seem to insist on the occasional social interaction which
involves discussion which I don’t necessarily know the answers to (and numerous
requests for tea). They also keep telling me things which they say my husband
agreed but I am not so sure. To make matters worse, they cut through the
internet cable first thing (I am currently borrowing the neighbour’s wifi, with
their permission) so I have no landline and no way of phoning my husband, who
has since reassured me via email that he will try to work from home this
afternoon. But I need to feel settled to work properly and at present I am on
edge. I know there’s no point in marking this afternoon.
My usual daily routine involves an afternoon walk and that
would do my mind the world of good but I don’t want to go outside and speak to
the builders. I suppose I could sneak out the back but what if they need me for
something while I’m gone? More anxieties raise their ugly head.
The marking will get done this evening when the builders are
gone, the world is quieter and all is well again. But I do know the next time
we have builders that I’m going to plan to spend the day at a museum or gallery
instead.
Unsettled
Like many people with bipolar disorder, I have a problem with anxiety. Stress is a major trigger for bipolar disorder and my main method of controlling my stress, and consequent anxiety, is to meticulously plan my life. I don’t like surprises and I try to limit my exposure to them. Friends know not to turn up randomly on my doorstep and I plan my work diary efficiently with achievable goals. And this all has a positive effect on my working life as it means I am able to meet deadlines and have the time and space to manage any extra issues that crop up; phoning worried students, covering for colleagues, etc. I live a very organised life.
But it does mean sudden, unplanned changes to my routine make me anxious. Perhaps in some ways the method I use to combat anxiety can also cause it and today is a fine example.
We’ve been planning to get a new drive for several months but pinning builders down has been difficult. But suddenly we had an offer to do it today so we snapped it up.
Today I had planned to spend the whole day working (I work part time). I would spend the morning doing admin, sending weekly emails to my students, planning a tutorial, updating forums. This afternoon I would do marking. This was all in my diary. But my day has been unsettled and I cannot get my head around my work. The builders aren’t that noisy, I’ve heard far worse. But they seem to insist on the occasional social interaction which involves discussion which I don’t necessarily know the answers to (and numerous requests for tea). They also keep telling me things which they say my husband agreed but I am not so sure. To make matters worse, they cut through the internet cable first thing (I am currently borrowing the neighbour’s wifi, with their permission) so I have no landline and no way of phoning my husband, who has since reassured me via email that he will try to work from home this afternoon. But I need to feel settled to work properly and at present I am on edge. I know there’s no point in marking this afternoon.
My usual daily routine involves an afternoon walk and that would do my mind the world of good but I don’t want to go outside and speak to the builders. I suppose I could sneak out the back but what if they need me for something while I’m gone? More anxieties raise their ugly head.
The marking will get done this evening when the builders are gone, the world is quieter and all is well again. But I do know the next time we have builders that I’m going to plan to spend the day at a museum or gallery instead.
Annie