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Hello

The last time I was on this blog was in 2012 - quite a few years ago (10 years in fact!) 

I was at the time studying BA (Honours) English Language and Literature. I was studying that degree because the course touched on creative writing, which is what I wanted, this degree course did not exist at the time. Well, what has happened to me in the last 10 years...

Well, my daughter at the time when I first started my journey at The Open University was 13 years old, she is now 23 years old. She has a full-time job, drives, and has her own car, which is great as I was always driving her everywhere. She still lives at home with me, my dad, and my sister. 

I tried being self-employed as a writer, I have even written a novel and a few short stories under a penname. I went to Dublin on a book tour where I met other self-published writers. I drove and took a friend with me; we were there for 5 days, and I had the best time of my life. It was awesome!!!

Unfortunately, it was not really making me any money, I did make £500.00 but that was over a long period of time. My daughter started working for a hotel which she was not really enjoying so she started looking around. She saw a job offer for new health advisers for 111. I causally said, "I could do that job" and since I was on benefits due to my disabilities (I thought I was unemployable) but my daughter told me to go for it. When I looked at the interview process, she lost interest, but I went to the interview, had 3 tests, past them, then got a phone call the next day informing me that I had the job. I was over the moon. I ran in the next room where my daughter was, then told her the good news, she was so happy for me, I went downstairs and told my parents. My mum was so happy for me and so was my dad. It was fall time, and although I was a bit worried about my CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) I was happy to be in a fall time job. My sister brought me some black trousers, not that there was a uniform or anything as 111 is a call centre. I was first trained up on what was called 'TEL' as the groups for training for 111 are small, the rest of us were trained up on 'TEL' which patients call the national number and book their hospital appointments they have referrals for. Of Couse you do have to understand that when people are ill and need a hospital referral from their doctors, not all doctors inform their patient's they need a password, which is on the letter they get or where to find this password (it has all changed now) without this password they cannot book their hospital appointments online, so they call the national number - me. 

When you must tell the patient the earliest appointment is in 6 - 12 months’ time, as you can imagine they are not happy, so you must deal with very angry patients who have waited on the line for 10 - 30 minutes to get through to someone, only to be told they must wait longer for their urgent appointment. You can tell that person that choose & book is only a way for the hospital to get the referral, once the hospital receives the referral the patient is put on the hospital books, and they will then see if the patient's appointment needs to be brought forward or stay where it is. Sometimes the hospital downgrades a patient from urgent to routine or upgrades a patient from routine to urgent, that is not my fault, I am a call centre booking appointments for the UK. But people still shout, swear, blaming me but all that does is not make me not want to help anyone it just puts me in a bad mood. People can shout, swear but it's not going to change the date or time for their appointment, all it is going to do is make them wait longer as other people are booking appointments and people are also booking appointments online.

The company I was working for then lost the bid for TEL and the centre was only going to be a call centre for 111. So, everyone had to be trained up fast. I was working for the company 1 year by the time I was getting trained for 111. I went through the training; it came to the first exam. It was a written exam and you needed 60% or more to pass. I got 49% which means I had to re-take the exam, that same day after my lunch break which was in 30 minutes so no time to study. I sat in the car and cried because I can retake the exam if I fail, I am of the training course and I will have only 1 more chance of retaking the course, if I fail again, I will lose my job as I will be inadequate to do my job. So, I had all that worry. I failed the second retake. The pack that I was given I started reading it like the bible, I would read a little each night, then go to sleep. When I reached the end of the pack and it was a huge pack, about 105 pages, front and back. When I finished the pack, I would start again. I just kept rereading it. 9 months later, I had to go for training again. I was more confident and since my training, they had changed a few things like if you fail the exam, they gave you a week to restudy for the exam, which is great as I had only 30 mins and all I did was cry in the car. I felt more confident, I remembered some of the things that was said the last time, so I had only a bit of an advantage, but not much. I sat the exam, it also helped that by that time I admitted that I have dyslexia and reading on white pages was difficult. They swopped everything in green for me to make things clearer so when I sat the exam, all my papers were in green. I took the exam, I passed with a 95%. I was over the moon. I was OK with the computer work it was the theory I had problems with. During the weeks of training for 111 I got better with the computer work, knowing which pathway to take. Although this is long all in all I passed, but that was not to say I had it easy.

During the training I was with a group of mostly young people who clicked together, and I felt a little left out. Also during this time because TEL was going over to another company, there were people in the office who was employed to only work on the TEL contract, so these people now can either train for 111 or they will be made redundant, most of them said no to 111 and looked for other jobs, which meant there was not a lot of people working on the TEL contract so us trainees had to stop training for 111 and go back on the TEL contract. Well, since we are adults, we were left in the 111 room with no manager, so people took advantage of that and went for longer breaks, went out for a sneaky cigarette break, or did not bother coming for the TEL contract and just came back in the afternoon when we got part time training. Well, it was noted by other managers, and on one day, the sun was out, it was hot and a beautiful day. We were all told to go on the TEL contract until 6:00pm. At lunch time, the others went for their 30-minute lunch break and did not come back, I overheard one of them saying they were going to the pub. Well, I did my job as I needed the job. I went on my scheduled breaks only leaving later if I was still on a call. I carried on but by 6:00pm when the others came back thinking no one would know, I told a girl that when you put in your smartcard it reads when you clocked out and when you return, I told her that they will know because it will be on the managers computers who is meant to be on and who's in 'wrap up', comfort breaks, 15 minute break, lunch break etc. When the others came back, thinking they will just carry on because no one will know that they left, considering you must sign in with your card and out so that too is logged. One guy came in and because I don't drink, I could smell the alcohol on him, the others were laughing because his eyes were bloodshot, his breath smelled of alcohol and the idiot drove back to work and needed to drive home, so everyone was getting him water and coffee to sober him up a little. I did not find this funny because people die in drink and drive accidents, it is never the driver that gets hurt, no it's an innocent person. Unfortunately, I have this thing where I cannot stand up for myself. I buckle under peer pressure. I also, cannot tell someone what another person is doing because I just find it so hard, I am nearly 44 years old, and I still cannot do it. I don't know if it's a confidence thing, but I am a pushover, I am the one that gets bullied. One of the trainers asked me where they went because she was in early, and I was the only one in the room doing my job and only stopped when she told me to make the call, I was on the last one. Which I did. She asked me where the others were, I didn't want to be that person, so I said I didn't know. I am a bad liar; she saw right through me. She looked me right in the eye and said, "Sarah where are they?" I was going to say I didn't know but then I thought, why should I lie for them? I could lose my job and I need my job, so I told her they went to the pub, and they are now outside as it was their break. She, of cause was not please so she went to the other trainers and told them, which is how our main trainer found out. One of the girls came up to me and asked if I told "John" (not his real name) they went to the pub, I said no because I didn't, "Jane" (not her real name) told "John". They didn't believe me. John came in and informed them that if we were all told to go on the TEL contract and we don't, our names come up on the computers that is on the TEL managers that shows which ones did not log on. They didn't realise this, but I just sat there. They were each called up, they went in another room, and was given a pack on what happens next. 

I had to give a statement because I was there and I knew where they were, but by that time, it really didn't matter because they all thought it was me anyway. After that, things got very awkward. We all know the phrase 'you've been sent to Coventry' well that was me. I came home in floods of tears, no one would talk to me, if we had to work in a group and I said something everyone would laugh and ignore me. I would go in the room in the evening, as we were not allowed in the training room unless there was a manager in there with us. I would go and sit with the group and as one they all stood to sit on the opposite side. Some of them lost their jobs, others got warnings. At lunch I sat in my car to eat because if I went to the cafeteria, they would talk about me, they would loud whisper about me, I was called all sorts of names, I was made fun of because I am not the slimiest person, I walk with a walking stick so I was called a 'fat cripple, stupid' because they all knew that I had green paper due to my dyslexia. I was "bumped" accidently making my trip. If I was reading the course material and someone got up someone would say something like "you better tell someone you're leaving, in case someone else does or don't go anywhere you're get fired" it was horrible. I nearly quit. I went home saying I can't do this, it made me feel like I was 15 years old again where I was bullied so much that I took tablets to kill myself and that is how grown working adults were making me feel. My family were so angry, they know I can't defend myself and they wanted to do it for me which made me feel so much better. In the end I had talk to the manager, I couldn't keep it up. He was so nice, and although I cried, I got really embarrassed, he was so good about it. He did something about it, and it stopped. I told "Jane" that I just want to hurry up and get out of the training group, she agreed so she helped me with my set of live calls I had to take. You must get 5 calls correct in a row before you are signed off to take calls on your own. I did 5 calls in a row first time. It was great, I got signed of and I was ready to take calls with a floor walker, I was through with training, and I survived. 

 

I was at 111 for 2 ½ years and I did enjoy the job, but the hours were not so great. 111 is a 24-hour job and although there are more then the site at Milton Keynes, it was just hard because the most I would see of my family was a little time in the evening on my days off because I spent most if not all my time in bed. Some of my shifts started at 5:30 so I would leave home at 4:30 because of traffic, I was going to work, and my daughter was coming home, and we waved to each other as we drove passed each other. All I was doing was sleep work, sleep work, and nothing else. I didn’t always get 2 days off together, I got my weeks schedule on Friday’s, and I never knew when my days off will be so you couldn’t plan anything, if you went away for a week’s holiday, you had to phone in to ask when you are due in and what time. Sometimes I would work up to 12:00 or 1:00am then start work the next day at 3:00pm. Someone like me who has CFS I need to know when I am off because I need to have extra sleep. But I continued with the job. During this time, I got the best news EVER!!!!! I was going in hospital to have the gastric bypass surgery.

I had the bypass surgery, and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did. I am still losing weight, but it is slow. I went in at 26 stone and now I am 17 stone. I haven’t been 17 stone since I was 17 years old, so I am so, so proud of myself. After my surgery and having 4 weeks off, I was meant to have only 2 weeks off, but I got an infection which meant I had to have antibiotics, the doctor I saw said he was going to sign me off for another 2 weeks because I had abdominal surgery and he needed to make sure that the infection was cleared before going back to work, which was fine by me. It was during my time off that I went looking for another job. I saw a job advertising for a receptionist at a GP surgery in Bedford. So, I applied. I got an interview (thank goodness it was on my day off) I went to the interview, which went well. A few days later I got a voicemail telling me I got the job. So, I put in my notice to leave 111. Only it was not that simple, the boss at 111 didn’t not want me to leave, he told me I was one of the good health advisers. I spoke to my team leader Fiona, who said I should ask for this that and the other. I wrote it down and gave it to the boss, they were willing to give me what I wanted, regular 2 days off a week (Wednesday & Thursday) only work 9 hours a shift including my 1-hour break (15 mins, 30 mins lunch & 15 mins) They were bending over backwards but I was not getting anymore money. I went home & thought about everything. I was going to going to stay at 111. But went I went to write my email saying my circumstances has changed, I was gutted because I wanted to work at the surgery. My mum said that was my answer, so after explaining it all to Fiona I said I am going to stick with my original statement that I am going to leave, which I did to work at London Road Surgery Bedford.

 

I started at LRS (London Road Surgery) as a receptionist. I felt good about the place, I got on well with other people, I did learn the job and I felt I was good at it. During this time my mum was getting ill. She was not eating, not just eating little bits no. Mum stopped eating altogether, she was constantly vomiting, she couldn’t keep water down she was losing heaps of weight, it was falling of her. Dad was taking her to the doctors because mum had lots of problems, she had MS, she was partly sighted due to the MS, she could not feel her hands as they were numb, after mum seriously burning herself when she tried pouring herself a cup of tea because she is so stubborn, she didn’t ask for help. When she was burnt herself with scolding hot water, she was banned from using the kettle. Mum also had asthma, heart problems, diabetic and she used a delta frame around the house but had to go in a wheelchair if she went out.

Mum was having tests after tests at the hospital, referrals and they couldn’t explain anything. One morning mum & dad was going to see my younger sister in Northampton, but mum was holding onto her right lower abdomen, she was moaning & I said to dad if I was still at 111 & you called me up, I would be sending mum to the hospital. Dad said he will take mum, when he did it was diagnosed that mum had appendicitis, she stayed in hospital as the doctor wanted another opinion. When mum’s x-rays were shown to him he saw a single white spot. About 4 hours later mum was diagnosed with upper bowl cancer.

Mum was put on a lot of medication that was making her violently sick, so she was given medication to help take her medication including sickness tablets.

On the 25^th of December 2019 mum was rushed to hospital. On the 30^th of December she had a massive operation to remove her cancer. No organs were removed, we were told by the consultant that if she does not have this operation there will be nothing they can do. She had a 5 ½ hour operation. During her stay in hospital mum got pneumonia, she was on the maximum of antibiotics, steroids, and other medication, not to mention the medication she already needs because of her other medical conditions. The doctor said they will start to reduce her medication so her body can fit against the infection. It was touch and go for a while, but mum survived.   

During that time the world was going Covid mad as every country was suffering. It had not hit England yet as such. In other words, England was not on lockdown yet.

Mum was realised from hospital on the 2^{nd of} March, but she was bedbound. Due to the operation, pneumonia, and everything else it took it’s toll on her. We were told by the specialist that she will not be the same, anyone who is health who had the same operation as mum would never be back to the way they were, but with mum with all her other medical conditions and as long as she does not have any infections, will be a very long road of recovery time.

Covid hit England and I was due to go to the Isle of White, I did try and cancel my holiday because I nearly lost my mum, but my mum told me to go. One week before I was due to go, lockdown happened and I couldn’t go anyway which I was grateful for because I tried several times to cancel my holiday, I even had arguments with my mum and dad because I couldn’t leave my dad with my mum or sister or daughter, I got my money back and that was that.

My daughter was furloughed, I was working for the NHS, so I had to go in, my sister was working from home a few days a week, but she’s a lab assistant so she did have to go in a few days. Doctors and nurses’ staff were just going down with Covid and they had to be off work for 14 days along with people in their household. At the surgery, we lost a nurse and a HCA due to Covid.

Mum kept getting infection after infection in and out of hospital. She was not having chemo as the surgeon was sure they got all the cancer out, but she still got infections to the point that the infection was just seeping out of her skin. The carers that came over 4 times a day to help my dad care for my mum said to call 111 which we did, and they sent an ambulance out. She was taken into hospital. This was on Sunday the 12^th of July.

On the Tuesday the 14^{th of} July I was given a message to call my daughter, I don’t know how I knew but I knew it was about my mum. I called my daughter who told me to come home, which I did. Mum’s BP dropped very low, and the doctor is asking for another opinion about treatment but if not, my mum was going to go into palliative care end of life. My dad, 3 sisters, and daughter were in the living room waiting for a phone call because it was in the middle of the pandemic so we couldn’t go and see her. The doctor called and said we can all come up and see her. We were told that unfortunately there is nothing they can do, they will make mum comfortable, but she has days to live.

When we all got to mum & dad’s house, we were just sitting there not doing anything, going outside smocking but nothing to do really. Dad was trying to get it arranged that mum could come home but after an evaluation it was said that if they tried to move her, she will be dead before she leaves the ward.

My baby sister who lives in Northampton stayed the night; my older sister went home but she lives 10 minuets away. At 1:30am there was a phone call. It was the hospital saying mum has taken a turn for the worst. Dad said he wanted to go and see her which they allowed. I called my sister Penny, who like the rest of us wasn’t sleeping. She came over. We called mum’s sister who was coming up from Essex who was just getting over a minor stroke.

On Wednesday the 15^th of July, dad came home as he is a diabetic, he needed his medication and 5 years before that he had a massive heart attack and he had a quadruple bypass surgery, so he needed his medication, change clothes then go back to the hospital. The hospital said we can go and see mum anytime. The hospital called and said to get to the hospital quick, dad, mum’s sister, me and my 3 sisters and daughter went to the hospital and was told we missed her by 5 minutes. Mum had died.

It was hard to see her and say goodbye to her, she looked like she was asleep. I wanted the doctor to come in and tell us that he was sorry but there was a mistake, she’s just in a deep sleep, wishful thinking on my part I know. When I saw her, I know she wasn’t in pain anymore, I know she was at peace but there was this selfish part of me that just didn’t care. I wanted my mum, I wanted my person and best friend back, and I knew I will never get to hear her voice, her laugh mum saying when I came home from work and sat with her with a cup of tea she would say ‘come on Sarah let’s hear the gossip’ and I would talk to my mum for hours. Now I had no one. Selfish I know but that is how I felt.

Telling the rest of the family like mum’s brothers, her twin brother. My dad’s family it was just hard. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up in a years’ time so I didn’t have to feel like this, this feeling would be over. It was like being in an out of body experience I was walking around in a daze, I didn’t know what to do with myself, what to say. I wanted to be near my daughter, my sisters my dad I didn’t want any of them out of my sight just in case I never saw them again. I just wanted them close. I got a week of from work, then I called my GP told them I needed a sicknote for bereavement. By the time I was talking to the GP I was in floods of tears I’m not sure if she even knew what I was saying. But I got 2 weeks off, getting the funeral ready was a pain the ass because we had to book appointments because of Covid, mum was getting cremated because that is what she wanted, we were only allowed 17 people at the crematorium not including the minister. But what the crematorium did do was do a zoom screening. They gave us the login details and people can watch. My dad’s family and mum’s family watched online. Dad had a lot of support as mum and dad were religious so friends who could not go in the crematorium were outside watching on phones or tablets. The good thing is the funeral would stay in that zoom for 7 days. When my daughter got home, she went on her laptop downloaded it and recorded it. I did the same. I know it may seem weird taking a funeral, but I would rather have it knowing I will never watch it then not have it, if that makes sense. My baby sister and her husband came to the funeral but their 4 kids (2 adults and 2 still at school) stayed at my parent’s house as they were not allowed to come because we were only allowed 17 people. It was my niece who said they will stay at the house and get things prepared for when everyone came back to the house.

Slowly but surly things started to get into a routine again. I was back at work, my daughter was no longer furloughed, people were starting to go back to work, and mum was in the back garden. Her urn is in a big flowerpot, we planted her favourite flowers, and I got a small plaque made from Amazon that is planted in mum’s flowerpot.

It has been a little over 2 years since mum died and I still can’t believe that she is not here. I still say to myself ‘I can’t wait to tell mum when I get home’ then I remember. I said that to myself only a few days ago.

Still for me a lit has happened. I got promoted to medical secretary at the GP surgery and I was over the moon. I started having medical problems of my own as well as what I already have. But I soldiered on. I was doing the job for 17 months, but I was getting me down. I was getting up at 4:30am as I worked in Bedford, and I was diagnosed with arthurites. I already walk with a waling stick as I have chronic fatigue syndrome, restless leg syndrome, lymphedema and wear compressing stockings now I have arthurites. The I was diagnosed with endometriosis, polycystic ovary, and fibroids, then got told I was going through the menopause. It was a little too much for me to handle. Working fall time and still getting over the death of my mum.

After a long while I decided that I needed a new job, I wasn’t happy working at the surgery as I once was, I felt like I was not giving the same opportunities as the other 2 secretaries that I work with and get very well with. I felt like I was being pushed out and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was depressed, I was always sleeping I start, without meaning to, to isolate myself from my family. I started having financial problems everything was getting to much for me. I ended up seeing my GP or speaking to my GP over the phone who diagnosed me with depression, and I was put on medication. Was due to work I was depressed? My medical conditions because I was always in so much pain with my legs, as well as the new medical conditions that I was diagnosed with. Going through the menopause is hell on earth, I think my family will agree to that. So, I went for all sorts of job interviews. I just needed out of the surgery. I went for a job as student recruitment at The Open University. My interview was done in teams meeting, I logged in on my phone and had my interview. It ran over my 1-hour lunch break, but I didn’t care. I wanted the job not only that I knew it is something I feel I would be passionate about. It is only temporary, but I wanted the job. I got a call from the agency that works with the OU to tell me I got the job!!!! I was so, so, so, happy. I was bouncing up and down in my chair. I was so happy.

I was told on Thursday, and I wated until Monday to tell the manager assistant that I have a letter of resignation that needs to go to the operational manager, but she was on leave for a week. (I knew that which was why I waited until Monday) I sent her an email instead but left my letter in her pigeonhole.

I was meant to put in 4 weeks’ notice, I worked for 2 ½ weeks and my left-over annual leave time, head office put that towards the time I should have worked my notice and ended up losing only 1 day’s pay which is not that big a deal. I don’t think it was a whole day it was more like 4 or 5 hours. That was fine with me, I just wanted out. I know work 20 hours a week as a student recruitment for the OU. I know I am only hear until mid-September, but I am hoping that I am really, good at my job that I am asked to stay on. That is what I am hoping. I have found a job that suits me, I get to talk to people, I am not abused over the phone where I was when I worked for the NHS. I get to encourage people; help them, and I love being able to tell students (which took me a long time as I kept saying patients lol) that they are registered on their course, they have completed payments and it has gone through. I really think I have found that perfect job for me and I really, really want to stay. Training for this job encouraged me to get back into studying. I thought my course was done and dusted but I have until 2027 before my 16 years are up. I have a study plan and if all goes well then, I should have my degree in English Literature and Creative Writing by June 2027. That is a little close I know. So, if the OU asks me to stay, I need it to be part-time I cannot work full-time. I love finishing at 12:00pm and having the afternoon to myself which will be filled up with studying. I can’t wait to start studying. I already have the set books that is needed, I have started reading them already because I have dyslexia it can take some time for me to remember and take in. I am set to go; I must wait until the 7^th of September when my modules open on my StudentHome page.  

Well, that is it. 10 years of my life all written out. I am now here on the 03/08/2022 finishing up writing for my blog. I am hoping to write a little something every day. Even if that means I write something like ‘I have stuck to my schedule and I am up to date with studying and my reading’.

Hope everyone is well and doing better then I am, or unless you are just plodding along. Hope you enjoy this module. See you soon.

Sarah