Personal Blogs

What is it with this feeling of needing a cigarette? 

Like the whole world is gonna end if you don't have a fag. 

There is every reason in the world to quit smoking. And I try... I try. Every day I try. And every day, I employ a new technique which I think, "This is it!! This is the thought that'll make me stop!!" 

For example I may think something simple, like, "Imagine the money I could save if I stopped!" and it's an inspiring thought because I could effectively save three grand a year. That's a very nice guitar I'm smoking each year. 

The thought might be that in the end I could supplant rollies for chewing gum, lozenges or vaping. Then I eat one lozenge or vape for half a day, and the thought dies. 

Many times I wake up with every intention to stop, and on those days I might try my hardest not to smoke before showering and eating. And many times on those days, the act of smoking fills me with disgust and nausea. But then the next day comes and smoking is like nothing; like meh?! 

My belief is that my smoking may cease one day if I could realise that that feeling of needing a cigarette, the craving, well it's not the cause of my next cigarette. My next cigarette is not to blame for my needing a cigarette. But the last cigarette was. 

When I wake in the morning after eight or ten hours having not smoked, I lie there and wish I didn't have to get out of bed because I'll just have a cigarette. And during sleep I'm fine - obviously - I don't need to smoke. But something happens to your lungs when you haven't smoked for that length of time. The fibres inside your lungs, which had been "matted down" by the cigarettes you smoked before, well, they are now loosened and they tickle your chest, and you cough and cough. And for some reason when you smoke that first cigarette, you stop coughing. 

There is every good reason to stop smoking and every bad reason not to. 

There's something about the feeling of needing a cigarette that only a cigarette can solve. 

I've decided enough is enough. I'm going to make an appointment with the doctor, and ask for their help. Perhaps there'll be a group, perhaps they'll give out free nicotine gum? I'll do it this week. 

That's all I have to say about that. 

Daniel
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