I emailed the Samaritans last night, it's been a while since I did that.
I wasn't expecting to feel this way on this project or I'd have done something different.
Basically the unexpected, unintended effect is that doing this project has dredged up all my insecurities about being a friendless loser and a burden and a waste of oxygen and disposable.
I wish I'd never started.
I then I sit here and think, perhaps I shouldn't type this. Who am I talking to? When I started this blog I was talking to the void and making it public just in case it was relevant to someone else somewhere else. But for all I know you're bullies from my past who are sniggering about me on WhatsApp groups.
The truth is I fear the essay I am supposed to write will never see the light of day as I simply don't have enough data or interviewees.
Anyway, I have had some respondents so thank you if you have filled my survey in. I am eternally grateful.
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I just happened to see your post after not having visited the forum for a long time as I'm on a study break. What can I say, except to let you know that I'm thinking of you and I wish you strength so you can find some comfort in yourself.
Nicky
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Thank you Nicky.
I know I probably sound horribly melodramatic about all this. This is all autism. Like the project is now secondary to what my pattern-spotting brain has determined is similar to rejections in the past. Logically, I'll be able to cobble something together that gets a passing grade. But that's no longer my concern.