In spite of Kelvin’s dalliance with the unknown woman, I have been happy today. I recently returned from the android equivalent of hospital where I had two enhancements, one of which was paid for by Kelvin and the other – the more expensive – by me. The one Kelvin paid for is wonderfully useful: I now have an ultrasound imaging system, with emitters and detectors in my fingers, toes, head and abdomen, software to Fourier-transform the signals, and a data bridge to enable the non-algorithmic part of my brain (the part I’m using now) to “see” the images. I have been round the house touching things and looking at them with my new sense. The most interesting thing I discovered was a jar of couscous which we hardly ever use, inside which Kelvin had concealed a bottle which turned out on further inspection to contain vodka (some cheap stuff from the corner off-licence).
Kelvin arrived home from work, and I hugged him just after he had come through the front door. This made him suspect that either I wanted something or had broken something which belonged to him. What I was actually doing (as well as making a genuine display of affection) was trying out my ultrasound on him. The emitters do not make any vibration which is detectable by humans. I got a very good three-dimensional image of the inside of Kelvin’s torso, and discovered that he had probably skipped both breakfast and lunch: his stomach was completely empty.
‘Shall I make us some dinner?’ I offered. He nodded. He was not talking. I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of wine (a nice red Bordeaux) and poured us each a glass. I was planning to cook fillet steak (Kelvin likes his almost burnt on the outside but raw in the middle, and relishes the sight of blood running out of it). I was also planning to get Kelvin through dinner without letting him get too drunk.
While I was waiting for the chips to cook, I went back into the sitting room to see what Kelvin was doing. He was not reading. He was not even drinking very quickly. He was twirling his wine round and round in the glass, and staring towards the corner of the room. I could see in an instant that there was no point in asking him what was on his mind. My best guess at what he was thinking about was that it must be something to do with his paramour and, whatever it was, it was making him sad. One possibility was simply that she had dumped him, but any woman who would have done that to Kelvin would have had to be such a bitch that he would never have had anything to do with her in the first place. A better hypothesis was that he had found out that she was not able to join the “Alpha Project”. I had no hard evidence for that, but it fitted with all the behaviour that I could observe.
Kelvin came out of himself a little bit over dinner, and at least had the decency to praise the food I had prepared. After I had loaded the dishwasher, I took the wine bottle away from him and poured him a small, decoy brandy. He seemed to be getting sleepy as well as miserable, but he looked at me with a bemused expression. After he had taken a few sips and was beginning to look a bit more spread-out on our big sofa, I made my move. I slipped onto the floor in front of him and started to massage his thighs, gently at first. He tensed, but then he always does. He always starts by thinking that he does not want it. He relaxed after a minute, and soon after that he was getting into it and I made the strokes a bit harder, gradually moving from his outer to his inner thighs. I unzipped him and, in indecent haste, pulled his trousers and his boxer-shorts down and off. I took his socks off. I started gently to massage his cock and balls and, at the same time, I slipped a finger into the cleft of his buttocks. He began to moan with sexual arousal, never realising that I was using ultrasound to check out his prostate (it was fine – no enlargement or abnormality). I noted with pleasure that his hydraulics were in good working order and seemed unimpaired by alcohol. I wanked him slowly but firmly and gently kissed his balls for a little while, but never let him get anywhere near ejaculation. He groaned some more, and I gave him the look that meant ‘Shall we go to the bedroom?’ He did not say anything, but I saw that he meant ‘Yes’. I was thoroughly wet by then.
I could offer Kelvin exactly the attire he finds the most alluring: skirt off to reveal stockings and suspenders; shiny high heels; blouse open, and bra left on but pulled down so that my tits were hanging out. I lay down on the bed, he stuck his cock in me, and he fucked me slowly but deeply. We both came quite quickly. Kelvin looked visibly relieved, and not just sexually.
Kelvin got up to get more booze, but I did not mind. He finished the opened bottle of wine, offering me some but I knew he wanted me to refuse, otherwise he would have had to open another bottle. He then had a couple of stiff brandies. He fell asleep in my arms, without getting up to brush his teeth, and without drinking a big glass of water – with him a sure sign of mental exhaustion.
When his breathing was slow, regular, and loudened by the effects of the alcohol, I took my arm from around his body and moved down the bed to near his feet. I decided to try out the other enhancement: the one Kelvin did not know about. I have started to be fitted with a basic vascular system. I took out a little pouch of dermal anaesthetic which I had taped to the inside of my arm earlier, and applied it generously to a patch of skin on the instep of each of Kelvin’s feet, where he has a couple of nice, prominent veins. I gave it a few minutes to take effect. I opened the index finger of both my left and right hands and extended from each a sterile hypodermic needle which I very slowly and carefully inserted into each of the veins. I began to suck blood from his left foot, metabolised the alcohol, added a tiny bit of glucose and saline, and then pumped it back into his right foot. When his blood alcohol level was down to about 20 milligrams per hundred millilitres, I withdrew the needles, gently wiped the skin, and put on some stuff to cover up the holes. However Kelvin felt when he woke up the following morning, he would not have a hangover.
While he was asleep, he started to have a vivid dream, and moaned something a few times. It sounded like “Lieutenant Thorn”.
Comments
Violet 3
When violet comments that she 'took my from around his body' what is it that she takes? Maybe I miss read this.New comment
"Arm", and I've corrected it. I have made about a dozen corrections.New comment
Brilliant, of course, as ever.
May I suggest you replace 'stuff' (which Violet puts on the injection site ) with 'fibrin sealant?
You may want to brand it -
'OrCel® is a bilayered cellular matrix in which normal human allogeneic skin cells (epidermal keratinocytes and dermal fibroblasts) are cultured in two separate layers into a Type I bovine collagen sponge. Donor dermal fibroblasts are cultured on and within the porous sponge side of the collagen matrix while keratinocytes, from the same donor, are cultured on the coated, non-porous side of the collagen matrix...'
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Fantastic! That is the kind of comment I like. Thank you very much, Larraine, for that highly relevant information, which I will certainly be adding and using for future reference.
What did you say you do for a living again? Are you a clinician, or a biochemist?
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Hi William,
I've read all three parts but thought it easiest to comment on them all in one go on this part.
The idea of the story is great and overall the voice of Violet comes through as consistent and believable and I enjoyed reading it and want to know more. First person definitely works here.
There do however seem to be large chunks of "info dumps" where she is just explaining what she is made of and how she works and that seems a weaker telling rather than showing approach in some areas.
I think the start of the story would be more powerful if it relays the story of Kelvin coming home and giving Violet the news without revealing directly from the get go that she is an android. This could be hinted at with phrases like saying maybe something like "I stopped my hair growing the last week as Kelvin likes it this length and I didn't want to have the bother of going to the hair dresser" and gradually reveal during the course of the 1st episode that she is an Android.
I did find the final couple of paragraphs of part one a little hard to follow and only made a bit more sense when I read the 1st paragraph of part 2
Also there seemed no point in taking the blood sample knowing it was of the wrong sex. If she hadn't been able to persuade the doctor not to take the sample her plan would have been foiled and you get the impression Violet is intelligent.
I didn't buy the fact in part 2 that her biomechanical parts needed to be exercised given everything else she has said about not needing respiration etc.
The violence in part 2 is well described and goes to show Violet's violent side and a certain amount of sadism as she seems to enjoy inflicting pain.
Violet's enhancements in part three are nicely described and the vascular system presumably required to help grow the baby. However if Kelvin is going away why is he spending money on enhancements for her and what is the ultrasound for anyway? Or will that be revealed in future episodes?
Look forward to reading more.
Regards,
Simon x
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Hi William
As part of my capitulations to your wanton Blackmailing here is my commentary
I like this scene and not just for the erotic content. Violet is coming across as a psychopath really clearly here while sex with Kelvin is something she obviously wants she uses opportunities during the sex in a completely clinical manner to examine his medical health for example.
What I'm starting to wonder is whether I'm judging Violet by human standards, she seems do things for Kelvin amorally but they are unquestionably (in her mind) FOR Kelvin. She is definitely smitten with him and I wonder if she will become unstoppable killer android femme fatale or whether she has an altruistic end coming.
A small comment on some of the wordage you use during the sex scene are definitely telling and not showing. For example "Wanking" is clear in meaning but it does not show the action too well.
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Good stuff, William, perhaps the strongest part so far. I do have one comment, RE: the sex scene. I feel it crossed the line between being an intimate scene centering on sex, and became full blown pornography and that can put readers off if they're not expecting it.
Like a TV movie director you've got to hint at or show the act carefully, rather than just plonk down a camera and let the characters have at it.
I think the best sex-that-wasn't-porn I've ever read was in Kafka On The Shore, by Haruki Murakami, though in truth I can't work out why. Just the Japanese ease with sex, I suppose
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Thank you all for the comments which are well-considered and really useful. I will be re-reading and considering all of them carefully in preparation for when I start editing. At the moment, I am still thinking of ideas for the next episode.
I am delighted that people have actually started to criticise the way I have written it, and look at both outline and details. I am grateful for this.
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In answer to the question near the end of Simon's comment: yes, that will be revealed in another episode, possibly the very next one.sex bit(s)
Ok - I have to be the one to ask. But, this is the first time we have really got up close and personal to Violet in action and, actually - I need more details! For a start, what (if anything) does she feel when she orgasms. It can't make any difference to Kevin's enjoyment whether she really does see stars and feel undying love, binding them together in eternity, or if various bits of her just contract rythmically and a bit more fluid squirts from somewhere. Does she experience the post-coital flood of oxytocins? Does she feel she is missing something?Why has not Kevin modified her to come at a particular signal/movement/touch from him? Surely the least she can do is time her climax exactly with his; she is more physically sensitive - and, if not lost in her own desire for pleasure - she will be looking out for anything to please Kevin.
However, if this is an important experience for her that is in Violet's special way 'emotional' then the line 'we both came quickly' does not really do it justice. That's not usually the part of the experience that us girlies (ahem) focus on, and if we do - we do tend to think about how it made us feel, rather than who put what where.
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Joanna: that is another very (if you'll pardon the expression) penetrating criticism, which I agree with.
The nature of the sex scene (which I was content with as far as it went) was influenced by a number of things.
First of all, these chunks I am writing are definitely work-in-progress. What I am trying to do is to draw out the character and (I hope this doesn't sound too pretentious) get Violet to write the story herself. I am unused to the clamouring for the next episode, and I have taken the decision to try to keep people interested by producing them as quickly as I can. I hope this explains some of the rough edges and also some of the potentially more serious concerns to do with the relationship between how Violet expresses herself and her gender identity. I admit that this needs more thought but it is a complex thing and I am happy for it to grow at its own pace for the moment.
Violet has said that Kelvin (with an 'l') treats her as he might a high-class call-girl. The sex scene was partly derived from that. I wanted to show the reader the ambiguity between whether that is purely how Kelvin treats Violet, or whether that is how Violet portrays herself to Kelvin. If the latter, it is because it is a formula that Violet is familiar with and which seems to work, but she feels insecure about trying to deepen their relationship, for fear of ruining it.
There will definitely be more sex scenes and portraying these with a more feminine psyche is one of the main things I want to improve - your remarks have (so to speak) hardened my resolve.
Many thanks for your comments.
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This is another good instalment, there is not really anything left to add that hasn't already been said. I do find it interesting that Kelvin hardly says two words to Violet during their time together on this occasion, other than to praise the food and offer wine. It comes across as Violet uses sex as a form of connection with him. I may have completely missed the gist of the plot here.
I'll look forward to the next excerpt.
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That is absolutely right.
Violet, as you may have gathered, is a manifestion of frustration and the desire to be loved for what one truly is, rather than how other people want one to be.
I have just come to the end of about two years of couples counselling with my ex-wife followed by two years of individual therapy. My ex-wife used to call me "the Vulcan" (after Mr Spock from Star Trek) and say that I had never expressed my emotions. This was largely true. I learnt to express my emotions, and I then found that how I felt was not to her liking.
One of the things I am trying to examine at the moment is a couple, one human and one android, in which the android is more human that the human.