I have to go to hospital on Tuesday to be verbally-flayed about my lifestyle by a gastroenterologist. As a ceoliac this is now an annual penance for me. Not only can I not drink beer, or eat a butty, but I get a free lecture on why I'm not fat enough.
I've really tried to get my weight up—I eat all the wrong foods [the ones that I can], I do try to get fat. I can't. Five sugars and a half-can of carnation milk in my tea and ten bags of crisps a day make jot none of a difference to my mass.
It's tragic really, here I am trying to get fat while our government is going ape because we're a country of fat, lazy, chain-smoking, drunken beggars. [When we aren't rioting.] Doesn't matter who you are or what your vices are, you're the wrong size and have a bad attitude to life. It's all your fault.
The game is not straight.
Comments
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Neil.... The closer you are to the mean, the easier you got it. But what's really really terrible is that many people closer to the mean, don't realise that is exactly why they are managing to get on okayish (or fabulously) through life. And then they look at other people who are struggling and criticise and blame them. Well you know what! The mean is average. Is mediocre. Is boring!! I like, freaks and outliers in many guises!New comment
Emily
It's the rush to blame that I can't stand; I don't gamble but I don't self-ignorent censure people for having a vice that I don't happen to share.
I know too many people who assume, in others, fault because they don't have experience of the problems, that others, face.
This said I have little time for people who explain away their awfulness to others because of their circumstances.
You can't have it both ways.
neil
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Mmm This is me making assumptions, and probably being judgmental... But, if someone has realised they have some 'awfulness' and understand it enough to be able to justify it because of their 'circumstances' then, I would expect that they have gained enough insight that some change in their 'awfulness' will occur regardless of any effort. Moreover, my bit of judgmentelness ( that I can't completely eliminate since I ain't a Buddhist or a fully enlightened person), would expect that with this insight the person would make effort to modify their 'awfulness' further. Especially if their circumstances had changed. However, some people are damaged/hurt to such a degree that little change in 'awfulness', is a possibility, that unfortunately i don't personally believe can be dismissed??? The above is quite serious...but my previous post was a gross over generalisation that I hoped was obvious and contrary and lightening the mood in a supportive manner! Shit! I still get the gist and my responses wrong! Neil, hope your health remains steady, or, I really hope something shifts it so it starts to improve. best wishesNew comment
Emily
You must be judgemental, otherwise what are we?
We are all judges, we should try to be great ones; the fact that we know that we can't do it isn't something that should put us off.
Now, I could say something about the, "bravery of stupidity" at this point, but all that is needed is that we are honest about ourselves, and honest about ourselves when we 'talk' to others.
You must say wrong when you see a one.
n
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Yes we all should. But, and there is always (or almost always) a but, we have to be sure it is a wrong. I am considered aggressive by some people, I will stick my nose in. And I have done it when younger at times when I didn't know the whole story, or, at times I expected other people to uphold the values I personally have. Some of those values I have given up. Some I realised were man made and too difficult for some people. Including me actually. You can safely bet that I will poke my nose in to support my family. And you can also safely bet I will poke my nose in when I see obvious unbalance of power and advangtage being taken. I stuck up for an old lady driver taking an age to get out of a car park space and being abused by a fit working and impatient man. I can be quite vicious, I said he might give himself a heart attack, which I would prefer to him giving her a heart attack. I am not a physically scared person. Yes, I have to admit I can definitely be cutting and vicious to bullies and also to the pompous who are intelligent enough to know they might be being judgmental and pompous but just don't care. But, you got to be careful. I could have added to that old womans distress. If he'd have run me over I am sure that would have upset her greatly. Anyway, yes, informal and naturally occuring social shaming can be good, but it depends on so much other stuff. and trying to stop some awfulness should be determinedly tried, but it doesn't always preclude some compassion for the aggressor, at the exact same time. Personally, I think our country is now too wet, and too harsh. Bit tired, hope it's not too garbled a reply...New comment
Re your point about us needing to be judgmental...and my partially agreeing but pointing out that often we don't know enough and have to be careful. I think that being judgmental and displaying that judgment is a good method of socially regulating 'awfulness' behaviours when the particular community all know each other or at least know of each other really quite well. So, we can put the 'awfulness' into context since we know the background that leads to it. But, we don't live like that in the main anymore. And, there has been many times when I have made a judgment about someones behaviour only for me to realise later in life that I am now doing the same or maybe similar thing. Re your point of being honest... Yes, it's a personal pet topic of mine. I think a lot of distress would be avoided if everyone was a bit more honest about everything...but, I can't be sure I am right. I don't know, if everyone in the world attained a Buddhist ego free state, what would motivate the world to generate the 'interesting' but unnecessary bits?? Maybe some artifice, some presentation, some spin is a necessary evil?? So, all in all, I have no extremely confident answers about anything!! Too many ifs and buts in every case. Too many unforeseen consequences.New comment
Sorry Neil! Just want to amend my last flippant point. I said all in all I can't be extremely confident about anything. I should have said any general principle. Because, I think we can be confident about some specific incidents, if we know enough about that specific incident. But, we can't generalise to all similar to that incident. Done! Will not abuse your blog space on this topic anymore!New comment
Sadly I think too many people seem to have developed a voracious Big Brother House mentality in their freely commenting, criticising and tearing apart strangers. It's contemptable, weak, and cowardly. I find some aspects of such behaviour particularly curious about these people who choose to view others as awful and think it is their God-given right to try shame or alter others eg : their wilingness to believe any old rubbish as truth; their inability to face the person and provide proof; their bravery in numbers mob mentality; and their need to project all their own rubbish onto a convenient scapegoat. I am looking forward to the day this type of nternet behaviour will have the same legal consequences on these people, that would occur in the real world. There is no justification for these acts and the people who are doing this harm are the ones who are awful, not the one they are picking on.New comment
Really interesting comments. Well said all
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Good luck at the hospital Neil.
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Wren, this topic is interesting...when I have my ema out of the way I will post on my own blog about what I see as the ifs, buts, etc to naturally occurring social regulation...there are some good bits, but of course, there are some really bad bits too...New comment
Neil, good luck at hospital today