Personal Blogs

So, It’s been nearly two weeks since I was affected with this new challenge, (Bell’s Palsy) and life has had to adapt to new ways of doing things. Of slowing down and having to spend longer just to simply do everyday things.

Following my appointment at the Hospital I was given a further course of drugs with an increased dose, from which I am having quite serious side effects from, But at least there are only 4 more days left of taking these pills, so I’m hoping that when the course of tablets is finished, that the side effects will dissipate, and I will get some normality back. The drugs are affecting my mobility, basically all my joints really hurt, and walking is now a new difficult and troubling experience, this added with the feeling of being ‘Drugged’ from this medication isn’t helping my state of wellbeing.  

The left side of my face is still paralysed, Speech, eating, taste, blinking, reading, watching tv..Well everything is now affected, and even though I know that the prognosis is good, the time frame for improvement is, at best Vague.

What I have found the hardest in this experience is the difficulty in speech.

I have always been rather articulate and verbose to say the least, never been one to hold back on opinions, and hold my education as a whetstone for language and discussion. I’m rightly proud to be well read, and observe the rules of etiquette for intelligent discussion. Noting, waiting and thinking about what others say, giving way,  holding back, remaining considerate at all times. I value the opinion of others, and I am aware that others value and respect mine.

 I feel I have lost the power of speech.. That the gift of articulation and clever speech has been taken from me. At this time it is too difficult, painful to struggle through in conversation.. and the silence is the most difficult experience I have had to deal with, more so than the loss of symmetry of my face. It is something that I have always taken for granted, (That I have the power of speech) and to suddenly loose this most precious of things, has been difficult to adjust to. I thought that I could hold back, wait collect my thoughts and say with a few words all that I need or wish to..But it’s not so simple, as the speed of conversation is too fast..

This has led to thinking about how important speech is, and the process of how I train myself to talk (whilst my body rewires my face).. And entertain the thought of ‘what if..?’

Whilst I’m in academic study, Its ok.. But what of the future ?

For myself, at the moment, of course the prognosis is good, and it seems as though (I am Fit and healthy) so there should be a full recovery which could take weeks..or much longer and over a year.. This experience is teaching me things about myself, of how things are taken for granted, and that maybe a temporary experience of loss for many of us would be an experience of worth. To lose our independence and encounter new disabilities where normal is taken away from us, has to be an experience, one that we would learn from, understanding the difficulties of others.. one from which we would emerge the stronger from.