We're doing a CICM Spectacular Failure at work for February (this is the boxing themed one, I devised, wrote and presented) and one of the fun events is to write a love poem for Valentine's Day, so I put pen to paper and wrote a haiku and a sonnet.
Sitting alone, night
falls, and warm embraces melt
the hardening heart.
What can I say or tell you about love
When Shakespeare does it much better than me
Run off a line about the stars above,
Or tell a tale of how I, became we.
Create a metaphor, on winter’s cold,
How love sprang forth and melted the snow.
How I gave him my heart to have and hold
Playing Juliet to his Romeo.
There are no words that can really describe
How true love feels and that moment of bliss
The magical spark it has to revive
You, when in their arms, and that first soft kiss.
So as you go forth, remember the stakes
And try not to be, another’s heart-break.
So, that was my busy afternoon at work!
Talking about work, a friend of mine phoned me today to ask if I would help him with a job application this evening. He's a bit of a handy man but hasn't had much work recently and saw a job for a street-sweeper advertised for the local council and thought he would apply. I went in and looked at the form. It's not a form, it's a 36 page booklet! For a street cleaning job! This is not a joke, it really was 36 pages long, this is totally insane!! WTF is that about??
I spent a weekend recently filling in a 17 page application for a secretarial job, or an 'executive assistant' as it is called now. It is the last application form I am ever going to fill in, from now on if they don't take a CV, I'm not even going to apply. I had also applied for another job as a Head Receptionist in a hotel where I have worked on and off for 10 years. I didn't get it. The criteria listed experience of reception work, hotel work and supervising staff, all of which I had. But the job was given to someone who has never supervised staff, never worked in a hotel or done reception work!
I was having a conversation with a work colleague recently, (he's in with the same agency as me) when I realised that the salary I am on now is exactly the same as it was in a job I was doing 10 years ago, for basically the same work. This realisation along with all the recent joys of job-hunting have pissed me off big time. So, I've been making a few decisions about work for the future. So, along with the CV, I have decided I am not doing agency work again either, no-one is making money off my talents again except me. I am also not going to give anyone the benefit of my abilities or experience unless they pay a decent salary. I would rather do minimum wage and I will!
Another receptionist/admin job I applied for sent me this lovely email:
Thank you for your interest in the Receptionist/Admin Assistant position at ...... We have reviewed your application. Unfortunately, you are not the right fit for the position at this time.
So, this is what I emailed back to them:
Oh yeah, work's shit.
When my mother died I got told off for not finishing my status reports on time. This was because we went to the hospital to be there when the life support was to be switched off and, because that is something that has to be planned, I had no excuse for not getting my reports done.
Different employer: when I was told my father died I went home and took the rest of the day off. I was back in work the next day and then I then took off the day of the funeral. I was told I could not take both days as compassionate leave (the contract says you could have two days compassionate leave per year) because they were two different instances of leave.
Different employer again: a couple of weeks ago a colleague had to come in when signed off sick with 'flu (doctor's note and everything) because everyone has to re-apply for their jobs and it was the deadline for the application.
They have a 'talent programme' in work where they can fast track people. I applied in December and your manager has to submit a form saying they approve. She emailed me to say she would send the form. In January I was informed I was rejected from the programme because my manager had not send the form, She forgot.
My employer is proud of the enforced staff / manager contact. There are daily dial-ins. My manager only does them once a week when it suits her. I get to 'attend' them about once every month or so. It consists of her telling us what the performance stats are. She actually referred to me by name in one a couple of weeks ago, it is the first time she has spoken to me (other than email) in five months.
We have mandatory monthly 1-to-1s. My last 1-to-1 was over a year ago. In September I decided I would force her to do mine. She cancelled / forgot / re-arranged it seven times. I could not be arsed to arrange an eighth time, I got the hint.
I could go on, but I'm just winding myself up and I've a TMA to get finished.
Yeah, work's shit. Totally over-rated.
Oh yeah, a poem.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I've nicked your pension,
Now clear off and fuck you.