One moment my life seems of full business and the struggle to cope is a daily, no hourly task that is overbearing, draining and endless. Then almost without any effort I'm sat here feeling content and that I could take on any problem that comes my way. Its not complacency, its not mental illness and its not arrogance, at least I'm sure its not, but as sure as I am that it is not those issues I dont seem to know why. Maybe its part of the relay race and all the battens I have collected are building a structure of learning and understanding. I always tend to be the last person to know if I know something, with out further analysis of course.
Frauds foundation of his Psychoanalysis and the bastion of his studies were self analysis, please for one minute do not think I'm comparing myself to Fraud 'well maybe I am' but not in an egocentric way, in a way that I have been studying, analysing, researching and experimenting with my thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviours for my entire life, well my comprehendible life. Ever since I was able to comprehend the difference between right and wrong I have been challenging, contesting and trying to build an argument or some kid of understanding as to what, why, when, and how I lost my mind and more important how to find it again and then go on to learn how to live with it with out consequence to people who love me, people who like, strangers and myself.
All of my life family, friends, strangers and councillors, psychologists, psychotherapists and neurotherapists have been telling me I think to much, that I over analyse all the time and they were right I do. After the 45 years that got me to this point I have come to realise that I am happy that I over thought and over analysed 'as they say' because I have an understanding of myself that quite honestly can be a curse at times yet on the whole is an empowering and reassuring feeling. For some reason that I am yet to understand is the loneliness that comes self analysis, almost prison like, happily observing yet participation almost feels 'glass dome like'.
Day 39 of OU studies.
One moment my life seems of full business and the struggle to cope is a daily, no hourly task that is overbearing, draining and endless. Then almost without any effort I'm sat here feeling content and that I could take on any problem that comes my way. Its not complacency, its not mental illness and its not arrogance, at least I'm sure its not, but as sure as I am that it is not those issues I dont seem to know why. Maybe its part of the relay race and all the battens I have collected are building a structure of learning and understanding. I always tend to be the last person to know if I know something, with out further analysis of course.
Frauds foundation of his Psychoanalysis and the bastion of his studies were self analysis, please for one minute do not think I'm comparing myself to Fraud 'well maybe I am' but not in an egocentric way, in a way that I have been studying, analysing, researching and experimenting with my thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviours for my entire life, well my comprehendible life. Ever since I was able to comprehend the difference between right and wrong I have been challenging, contesting and trying to build an argument or some kid of understanding as to what, why, when, and how I lost my mind and more important how to find it again and then go on to learn how to live with it with out consequence to people who love me, people who like, strangers and myself.
All of my life family, friends, strangers and councillors, psychologists, psychotherapists and neurotherapists have been telling me I think to much, that I over analyse all the time and they were right I do. After the 45 years that got me to this point I have come to realise that I am happy that I over thought and over analysed 'as they say' because I have an understanding of myself that quite honestly can be a curse at times yet on the whole is an empowering and reassuring feeling. For some reason that I am yet to understand is the loneliness that comes self analysis, almost prison like, happily observing yet participation almost feels 'glass dome like'.
WWG1WGA