Edited by Casper Smith, Monday, 22 Feb 2021, 13:09
Finally, i have caught up, week ten starts tomorrow, and i finished week nine today. Ten days of absolutely no studies during my Mothers illness and its took me all this time to get level and, to top it off i did it with out succumbing to my mental health disorders, i really am learning. I am seeing the signs of my learning and thats the part thats rewarding, thats the part which fuels fire. I dont know whether its age or..............I dont know why it is, i know I am guaranteed to swirl it around in my mind until i figure it out.
Eighteen months ago, i was an underweight, drug addicted, prolific self harmer, who was a cowering mess, who had spent two years being coercively abused and stabbed by my ex partner, and now i am sitting here, debt free, drug free, self harm free, waiting for my driving licence, eighteen months of OU studies towards a degree under my belt, thirteen courses completed on Open Learn, twelve months of DBT completed, money in the bank, a lovely camper. caring for my mother, sat with her in the warmth trying to figure out why I'm developing the way i am, and trying to figure out why i am progressing, its such a bizarre concept, i dont quite understand. I have been in situations lately, were i have surprised myself with my reactions, its almost as if i can not believe I'm me, if that makes sense.
So many people have stuck by me through my turmoil, so many agencies have stuck by me with compassion, empathy and understanding, there is no way in this world i would have been able to feel the way i do right now, with out them. My gratitude is unlimited for people who helped me, the people who help people that are in a lesser position than them selves. Thank you all, you guys are my celebrities, you guys are the people i celebrate whole heartedly.
I now go to bed with out a mobile phone, when i wake in the morning, i look at the clock to tell me the time, maybe a smart detox is having an effect. My thoughts seem clearer and more concise, i have time not think if i choose too, i have freedom from the invasion of useless information that only appears to feed my ego, ego is not my amigo, I am no longer in competition with IQ's, rather more inquisitive over EQ's. Life's seems slower, as opposed to me trying to make it slow, as i speak i can feel the difference, feel the change, i guess i could try to accept it for what it is, instead of always trying to search for, 'why'!
Day 63 of OU studies.
Finally, i have caught up, week ten starts tomorrow, and i finished week nine today. Ten days of absolutely no studies during my Mothers illness and its took me all this time to get level and, to top it off i did it with out succumbing to my mental health disorders, i really am learning. I am seeing the signs of my learning and thats the part thats rewarding, thats the part which fuels fire. I dont know whether its age or..............I dont know why it is, i know I am guaranteed to swirl it around in my mind until i figure it out.
Eighteen months ago, i was an underweight, drug addicted, prolific self harmer, who was a cowering mess, who had spent two years being coercively abused and stabbed by my ex partner, and now i am sitting here, debt free, drug free, self harm free, waiting for my driving licence, eighteen months of OU studies towards a degree under my belt, thirteen courses completed on Open Learn, twelve months of DBT completed, money in the bank, a lovely camper. caring for my mother, sat with her in the warmth trying to figure out why I'm developing the way i am, and trying to figure out why i am progressing, its such a bizarre concept, i dont quite understand. I have been in situations lately, were i have surprised myself with my reactions, its almost as if i can not believe I'm me, if that makes sense.
So many people have stuck by me through my turmoil, so many agencies have stuck by me with compassion, empathy and understanding, there is no way in this world i would have been able to feel the way i do right now, with out them. My gratitude is unlimited for people who helped me, the people who help people that are in a lesser position than them selves. Thank you all, you guys are my celebrities, you guys are the people i celebrate whole heartedly.
I now go to bed with out a mobile phone, when i wake in the morning, i look at the clock to tell me the time, maybe a smart detox is having an effect. My thoughts seem clearer and more concise, i have time not think if i choose too, i have freedom from the invasion of useless information that only appears to feed my ego, ego is not my amigo, I am no longer in competition with IQ's, rather more inquisitive over EQ's. Life's seems slower, as opposed to me trying to make it slow, as i speak i can feel the difference, feel the change, i guess i could try to accept it for what it is, instead of always trying to search for, 'why'!
WWG1WGA