Having a Romany Gypsy background meant that i was taught to be their version of what a man is, this includes never show, or speak about your troubles or emotions, never show a weak side, only tell people what you think they need to know, never trust people or let any one in to your circle, be self sufficient and rely on nobody for no thing. Being taught these lessons was done in a lecturer pupil format, nor in the comfort or regulation of a classroom, office or in the work place, their was no manual, guide book or library to reefer to, you dont even get told you're being taught. You keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut, that was the basis for learning, there was no time for explanations, only time for being able to mimic the ways of the teacher. Being able to read their body language, sense their moods, and study their traits soon become habitual, instinctive and second nature. Ever since i broke away from my families belief system, i started from scratch and re taught myself a way of living that was more social acceptable and less damaging to myself. I have never kept a diary, journal or recorded any of my life, or indeed any form of expression other than spoken words. At the beginning of my studies i saw the blog option and decided i would write a blog named day one, the next day i writ anther blog and named it day 2. 80 days later i am very much in the habit and look forward to writing the next one, there is no theme, no specific topic or any structured guidelines, just randomness of whatever is in my thoughts at the time. After my 83 days of writing blogs, i never felt so liberated, empowered and stronger as a result of being able to freely express myself to who ever and when ever i choose to, without fear of consequence or judgement. I think i have gone from one extreme to other, as nowadays i genuinely do not care what i write and who reds it, the fact i feel comfortable expressing myself is the most important thing to me. I have shame and no thing to hide. It genuinely feels like i have total control of myself as opposed to being controlled.
day 83 of OU studies.
Having a Romany Gypsy background meant that i was taught to be their version of what a man is, this includes never show, or speak about your troubles or emotions, never show a weak side, only tell people what you think they need to know, never trust people or let any one in to your circle, be self sufficient and rely on nobody for no thing. Being taught these lessons was done in a lecturer pupil format, nor in the comfort or regulation of a classroom, office or in the work place, their was no manual, guide book or library to reefer to, you dont even get told you're being taught. You keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut, that was the basis for learning, there was no time for explanations, only time for being able to mimic the ways of the teacher. Being able to read their body language, sense their moods, and study their traits soon become habitual, instinctive and second nature. Ever since i broke away from my families belief system, i started from scratch and re taught myself a way of living that was more social acceptable and less damaging to myself. I have never kept a diary, journal or recorded any of my life, or indeed any form of expression other than spoken words. At the beginning of my studies i saw the blog option and decided i would write a blog named day one, the next day i writ anther blog and named it day 2. 80 days later i am very much in the habit and look forward to writing the next one, there is no theme, no specific topic or any structured guidelines, just randomness of whatever is in my thoughts at the time. After my 83 days of writing blogs, i never felt so liberated, empowered and stronger as a result of being able to freely express myself to who ever and when ever i choose to, without fear of consequence or judgement. I think i have gone from one extreme to other, as nowadays i genuinely do not care what i write and who reds it, the fact i feel comfortable expressing myself is the most important thing to me. I have shame and no thing to hide. It genuinely feels like i have total control of myself as opposed to being controlled.
WWG1WGA