Although i was diagnosed around two years ago with CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) and BPD (borderline personality disorder). i have had the symptoms for as long as i can remember, i have battled with related stigmas and tried until i am worn out to not be defined by my conditions.
It so hard to not become what you are when there is substantial scientific evidence that BDP is highly heritable, in a finding that suggests the brain abnormalities of this disorder are a consequence of genes involved in brain development, similar to what is known about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and autism. .A meta-analysis of functional MRI findings in people with BDP revealed heightened activation during the processing of negative emotional stimuli in the left amygdala, left hippocampus, and posterior cingulate cortex as well as diminishes in prefrontal regions including the dorsal lateral prefrontal,
The acceptance of this disorder being something that i can not control has zapped me of energies that i never new i had, the revelation of this being something that is a part of me and that i should learn to live with is a newly found one. I have always tried to get rid of it at separate myself from it 'if i o this it will go away' ' if i do that it will go away'. No wonder i am knackered.
I have been trying to run away from something that is a part of me. How on earth can i run away from the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, the parts of my brain that bring about BDP and CPTSD, i cant, i mean there is shame in having mental health disorders, is there? I am what i am.
I get the sense that things might get a little easier from now as i can give up the battle and live and let live, i mean i will not give up the maintenance of these disorders but i will give up trying to cure myself in a certain time frame that i impose on myself;
WWG1WGA
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Hi Casper,
As someone who has a wide range of psychiatric issues (Psychosis, PTSD, OCD, etc), I think, maybe, you are looking into this too hard.
Take a breath... Be you. You know all of this anyway...
Don't pay too much attention to the man behind the curtain.
You have this. You've got it.
Take care,
Matt
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For sure Matt, my attitude has changed recently and part of that includes the breathing bit haha, i feel more comfortable living now that I'm seeing this disorders through different eyes. I guess the longer i have these disorders the more market research i can do. What was your diagnosis and how long have you had your diagnosis?
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Hi Casper,
My issues are very complex. They go way back to my teenage years, as most of us do.
I was first diagnosed with depression and then psychosis.
Someone tried to murder me when I was 21 and, as you might expect, this only made me worse and more distrustful of humans.
I am now 45 - roughly the same age as you - and I have learned to control some aspects of my issues. Other aspects I have not controlled very well.
Life is a work in progress.
Take care,
Matt
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Hey Matt, i mean this literally, no patronising. When i was a child suffering the symptoms of these disorders, i would believe that i was a freak, that i was not normal and that my issues were that severe that it would have to take Einstein being reincarnated and coming up with some kind of super dooper, glow in the dark, ultra uber equation to help me get over them or indeed solve them, because this shi@ is so crazy, how could i ever begin to try and understand it.
35 years later after decades of self discovery and self development, using aids such as Psychology, Psychotherapy and Neuro therapy, which started with the school psychiatrist, using techniques such CBT, DBT, EMDR, ACT, IPT, EEG, and Neuro Feedback helping me to understand how to come to terms with being traumatised, how to deal with the person or persons who were responsible and how to over come the learned behaviour that comes with being traumatised.
The point i am making is that if we have learned something then with the help of talking therapies such as CBT, DBT, EMDR and ACT etc etc and certain medications, then we can learn new techniques in an attempt to re-learn and combat any issues being raised by trauma and be successful at it.
What i have come to learn in the last couple of years after being diagnosed is that In the case of CPTSD and BDP, the parts of the brain, such as the left amygdala, which plays an important role in regulating emotions, especially the more "negative" emotions, such as fear, aggression and anxiety. The left hippocampus which helps regulate behaviour and self-control. And the orbitofrontal cortex which is involved in planning and decision making are or have been inherently damaged at birth, which becomes part of our genetic make up, which is, effectively brain damage, so as opposed to learning new behaviour such as i have been doing, and knowing what i know now, the emphasis is being put on learning how to live with it, because apart from EEG, Neuro Feedback and EMDR i cannot change those parts of my brain that are damaged.
I am the sort of person who has to get to the bottom of anything that i believe to be not right within myself, if i am feeling, thinking or behaving in a way that is impacting my life in a negative way, then i struggle to live with it and it drives me to want to know why i am thinking, feeling and behaving like this and and what i can do to over come it, so that i and the people around me can start to live in some sort of piece. I always have to be solution focused and on the look out ways to better myself, learning to live with something means i can no longer get ride of what i have and that has altered my belief system, for the better i might add as know i have a clearer understanding of myself, which, if i am honest, is all i have ever tried to do.