Edited by Casper Smith, Sunday, 31 Jan 2021, 19:39
Well folks, i genuinely believe that this period of depression has passed "this too shall pass" are the words i can hear my sponsor say, and she's right, just as depression landed, it has departed, no announcement, no introduction or farewell and certainly no explanation.
I was just sat here minding my own, and as if i was possessed, i seemed to not be out of control of my minds destination and before i knew it, i have no desire, to eat, no desire to wake in the morning, wash myself and take part of a living day, i barely managed the basic minimal to keep my Mother and my kitten feed, watered and comfortable, as for me, no desire what so ever, only the desire to be swallowed by my bed and kept there until my possession left.
Studying didn't even enter the equation, just a cold blank stare at study books, while my head filled with visions of running a relay race and my study books as the baton were being passed to a man running in the opposite direction, followed by the thoughts of failings and setting a new world record, almost as if it was a race to fail, and i stood to win Olympic gold.
Weeks pass by, ruminating in the same frame of mind, unable to get a grasp on all i see passing me by, and then wallop, the feeling i have now has repossessed me, as though nothing has happened, like i just checked out, DAMN DEPRRESSION, i try not to harbour hate, generate hate or live with hate, but i firkin hate depression, the only thing in the world more powerful than me to take my mind away, is me taking my mind away, such a bizarre concept.
I do not self harm anymore, i do not relapse any more and i do not have destructive, aggressive and abusive rages any more with my depression so i am grateful for that as well, well i say no more, i dont want to tempt fate, i haven't for a long time, and that is progression, so i will take that.
So depression, here's to you and here's to when we meet again, i know who you are and i know where you live, so i will accept your future return, what will be, will be huh!
Day 121 of OU studies
Well folks, i genuinely believe that this period of depression has passed "this too shall pass" are the words i can hear my sponsor say, and she's right, just as depression landed, it has departed, no announcement, no introduction or farewell and certainly no explanation.
I was just sat here minding my own, and as if i was possessed, i seemed to not be out of control of my minds destination and before i knew it, i have no desire, to eat, no desire to wake in the morning, wash myself and take part of a living day, i barely managed the basic minimal to keep my Mother and my kitten feed, watered and comfortable, as for me, no desire what so ever, only the desire to be swallowed by my bed and kept there until my possession left.
Studying didn't even enter the equation, just a cold blank stare at study books, while my head filled with visions of running a relay race and my study books as the baton were being passed to a man running in the opposite direction, followed by the thoughts of failings and setting a new world record, almost as if it was a race to fail, and i stood to win Olympic gold.
Weeks pass by, ruminating in the same frame of mind, unable to get a grasp on all i see passing me by, and then wallop, the feeling i have now has repossessed me, as though nothing has happened, like i just checked out, DAMN DEPRRESSION, i try not to harbour hate, generate hate or live with hate, but i firkin hate depression, the only thing in the world more powerful than me to take my mind away, is me taking my mind away, such a bizarre concept.
I do not self harm anymore, i do not relapse any more and i do not have destructive, aggressive and abusive rages any more with my depression so i am grateful for that as well, well i say no more, i dont want to tempt fate, i haven't for a long time, and that is progression, so i will take that.
So depression, here's to you and here's to when we meet again, i know who you are and i know where you live, so i will accept your future return, what will be, will be huh!
WWG1WGA