My mental health is really getting in the way of my studies, i have in formed the SST and my tutor, in the hope of a little understanding and possible some breathing space, i have learned a lot from DBT, CBT, EMDER, EEG and other self realisation/development programmes, i know the tools, i have the skills. but when it comes to emotional difficulties with in the family it appears to be waste of time learning them, as i genuinely can not cope in a positive way.
The fuck it button seems to hand me a hammer as it sits on my lap, magnifying itself 100 percent, growing neon lights, that are flashing 'here i am' in the brightest colors imaginable, and i just resist in picking up the hammer and smashing it with my might and as soon as i have started smashing the fuck it button, the guilt and the shame hits me almost instantaneously, yet i fined myself commit and i can not stop until i have complete destroyed the button, which as we know, by that time it is far to late to take back anything that happened during the process.
I tend to be an expert at shutting the door after the horse has bolted and watching it run up the lane, looking back blowing me a raspberry, saying 'so long sucker', I know my triggers, i know the feeling, i can draw a before, during and after picture, of what will happen before it happens, but when it comes to acting on my triggers, everything goes out the window and i am standing there like a scared, angry five year old, feeling sorry for himself, who has no clue what to do.
Up and down and around and around and around i go.
Day 135 of OU studies
My mental health is really getting in the way of my studies, i have in formed the SST and my tutor, in the hope of a little understanding and possible some breathing space, i have learned a lot from DBT, CBT, EMDER, EEG and other self realisation/development programmes, i know the tools, i have the skills. but when it comes to emotional difficulties with in the family it appears to be waste of time learning them, as i genuinely can not cope in a positive way.
The fuck it button seems to hand me a hammer as it sits on my lap, magnifying itself 100 percent, growing neon lights, that are flashing 'here i am' in the brightest colors imaginable, and i just resist in picking up the hammer and smashing it with my might and as soon as i have started smashing the fuck it button, the guilt and the shame hits me almost instantaneously, yet i fined myself commit and i can not stop until i have complete destroyed the button, which as we know, by that time it is far to late to take back anything that happened during the process.
I tend to be an expert at shutting the door after the horse has bolted and watching it run up the lane, looking back blowing me a raspberry, saying 'so long sucker', I know my triggers, i know the feeling, i can draw a before, during and after picture, of what will happen before it happens, but when it comes to acting on my triggers, everything goes out the window and i am standing there like a scared, angry five year old, feeling sorry for himself, who has no clue what to do.
Up and down and around and around and around i go.
WWG1WGA