Edited by Casper Smith, Tuesday, 23 Feb 2021, 21:37
I am managing to regain a functioning mental health status that is proving to be more positive than in recent times, i am happy to say that the insecurities i was feeling regarding my Mother have disappeared, these insecure feelings can lead to bizarre thoughts that only serve to propel my depression in to darker depths.
How could i doubt my Mothers love, how could i doubt my Mothers care for me, looking back, its ridiculous that i could think such thoughts, as is the power of the mind i guess, as well as it is powerful is positive ways, it can serve to be powerful in a negative way also.
I find it hard to show weakness in front of my Mother, as my Mother has her story too, i have learned to be more honest as i go, as opposed to smiling, nodding and portending that things are OK until a build up causes an out burst and we know out bursts are no good for any one.
I think i am getting to the stage where i will be able to undertake some studies, i have an appointment with the safeguarding team at the SST tomorrow and i am pretty sure that after that i will be feeling confident enough to get the books out and engage fully.
The process of having my mental health issues highlighted in such a way, as i have been able to voice it on this blog as it happens, has been a process of therapy that i never thought i would undertake and, i believe it has proven to help me, in terms of catastrophising and prolonging episodes of mental health break down.
I am, and always have been a speaker, i need to voice what's on my mind as i have always had detrimental consequences put upon me when i attempt to bottle things up and hold them in, i am very grateful to have stumbled upon the OU blog, which has allowed me to express, reflect and look back at patterns, changes and the general monitoring of my thoughts, feelings and actions in different situations, i may not have always acted the way i would of liked to, although this written form of communicating allows me to see what adjustments i can make that go towards that never ending learning process that is life.
Day 144 of OU studies
I am managing to regain a functioning mental health status that is proving to be more positive than in recent times, i am happy to say that the insecurities i was feeling regarding my Mother have disappeared, these insecure feelings can lead to bizarre thoughts that only serve to propel my depression in to darker depths.
How could i doubt my Mothers love, how could i doubt my Mothers care for me, looking back, its ridiculous that i could think such thoughts, as is the power of the mind i guess, as well as it is powerful is positive ways, it can serve to be powerful in a negative way also.
I find it hard to show weakness in front of my Mother, as my Mother has her story too, i have learned to be more honest as i go, as opposed to smiling, nodding and portending that things are OK until a build up causes an out burst and we know out bursts are no good for any one.
I think i am getting to the stage where i will be able to undertake some studies, i have an appointment with the safeguarding team at the SST tomorrow and i am pretty sure that after that i will be feeling confident enough to get the books out and engage fully.
The process of having my mental health issues highlighted in such a way, as i have been able to voice it on this blog as it happens, has been a process of therapy that i never thought i would undertake and, i believe it has proven to help me, in terms of catastrophising and prolonging episodes of mental health break down.
I am, and always have been a speaker, i need to voice what's on my mind as i have always had detrimental consequences put upon me when i attempt to bottle things up and hold them in, i am very grateful to have stumbled upon the OU blog, which has allowed me to express, reflect and look back at patterns, changes and the general monitoring of my thoughts, feelings and actions in different situations, i may not have always acted the way i would of liked to, although this written form of communicating allows me to see what adjustments i can make that go towards that never ending learning process that is life.
WWG1WGA