Being the youngest of seven and being born into a Romany Gypsy career criminal family, meant that while i was taken out of Scholl at 13 and made to work for nothing plus being charged rent to live at their home and i would get to see my brother get arrested, go to court and finally go to prison for crimes funded and glamourized by father. Whenever my brother was on ROTL (Released On Temporary Licence) (home leave) i would be made to stay at the house and do chores and stuff for my father while he took my brother shopping to by him clothes, trainers, radios, shoes and basically anything he needed to make his life more comfortable upon his return to prison, plus i would have to sit and watch them both on their return, show off and brag about the things my brother had been bought, how amazing he was and their next criminal conquest.
This my friends is the difference between the black sheep and the blue eyed boy in my families twisted and dysfunctional way of communicating and connecting with one another, my father would physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abuse me on a daily basis, his explanation for this was 'i wanted you to know what it felt like to be me, so you understand the way i am'. My father would extremely over compensate for his abuse with the ability to throw money at it, in order to mask his behaviour and to help get rid of his guilt, but once he was abusive again it would be taken back, sold or smashed, this was a never-ending cycle that lasted from the time i was given back to my family at five years old, from TNCH (The National Children's Home), i had been their since i was 18 months old.
He would by such things as hand made BMX bikes, which would mean we would have BMX's that were the only one of their kind and converted coaches, in which we would travel Europe and race every weekend from 1980-1985, he would take us on trips to Mississippi for up to five - eight weeks at a time to see his fathers sister, in 11 years we spent total 3 and a half years travelling the southern states of America, in our street he was the first to have mobile phones, video cameras, huge screen tv's, nintendos, saga mega drives, satellite dishes that rotated, big American trucks, swimming pools and bars in our houses, dripping in hand made platinum, gold and diamond jewellery, go karts, moto x bikes, i would come home from school, hungry because i had not eaten all day, dirty in my mish mash school uniform as i was made to buy my own, and i would be greeted with my few friends from school, even a girlfriend at one time, all laughing and joking, listening to them tell me how great my dad was, plus listen to my dad tell me good things about them and why could i be like them.
This twisted nature would be played across my family and not before long, i was known and accepted as the black sheep and my brother was the special one, the most recent example i can give you is when my brother murdered some one in 2007, there was a long feud with my brother and the victim, my brother even rung people up, went to their house and told them that he done it, the point i am making is that it was clear to any one in my town with half a brain that my brother was guilty, but some how he managed to pursued my uncle to pay 100's of thousands of pounds to solicitors, barristers and silks (QC's) to plead my brothers innocents during his murder trial, not only his trial but his appeal once he was found guilty, for which his appeal was rejected "BECAUSE HE FUCKNG MURDERED SOME ONE. But thats not all, my brother is due for release in two years "and what does my uncle do for him"? gets my mum to leave her house to him in her will, so that he has somewhere to go when he gets out of prison, I'm training to be a Social Scientist, its just as well, because "why" "when" "where" "how" and "what the fuck" , get your head around that.
There is a strange myth that surrounds my family and it goes like this, my brother appears to be unlucky at court, bearing in mind my brother was a career criminal and every time he was arrested was because he got caught for what he done and therefor go to prison afterwards, receiving notoriety and acclaim from my farther and family along the process, it is this that my twisted family interpreted as 'unlucky at court' "NO YOU FUCKTARDS, HE COMMITED A CRIME AND GOT CAUGHT, THATS JUSTICE, YOU BRAINDEAD BUNCH OF FUCKS, but wait, your are my family, i am supposed to love you, please love me back"."im sorry"
Now i can struggle a lot to understand that, but what keeps me awake at night is "read Day five of OU studies" on my blog and you will get the whole picture, although i will break it down for you.
Almost three years ago my ex spent almost two years coercively abusing my, rein acting my brother and my father's abuse, it ended with her stabbing me, well thats what i thought, later, because i could not take no more and i left her, she made false allegations against me, which are brutal and if i am not believed i stand to loose my home, my career, my kitten, and bearing in mind i am the sole live in career for my mum and have been since covid started, i genuinely stand to loose everything, i have been living in hell and fear for almost two years, since leaving her i have been diagnosed with two mental health disorders and a psychosomatic chronic neverwet condition, i take a total of 16 tablets a day, i spend the majority of my day, scared, lost, petrified and uncertain of my future. So after a long time of struggling to reach out and speak "because i genuinely can not take any fucking more, i went to my uncle to ask for help, and he said no.
Day149 of OU studies
Being the youngest of seven and being born into a Romany Gypsy career criminal family, meant that while i was taken out of Scholl at 13 and made to work for nothing plus being charged rent to live at their home and i would get to see my brother get arrested, go to court and finally go to prison for crimes funded and glamourized by father. Whenever my brother was on ROTL (Released On Temporary Licence) (home leave) i would be made to stay at the house and do chores and stuff for my father while he took my brother shopping to by him clothes, trainers, radios, shoes and basically anything he needed to make his life more comfortable upon his return to prison, plus i would have to sit and watch them both on their return, show off and brag about the things my brother had been bought, how amazing he was and their next criminal conquest.
This my friends is the difference between the black sheep and the blue eyed boy in my families twisted and dysfunctional way of communicating and connecting with one another, my father would physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abuse me on a daily basis, his explanation for this was 'i wanted you to know what it felt like to be me, so you understand the way i am'. My father would extremely over compensate for his abuse with the ability to throw money at it, in order to mask his behaviour and to help get rid of his guilt, but once he was abusive again it would be taken back, sold or smashed, this was a never-ending cycle that lasted from the time i was given back to my family at five years old, from TNCH (The National Children's Home), i had been their since i was 18 months old.
He would by such things as hand made BMX bikes, which would mean we would have BMX's that were the only one of their kind and converted coaches, in which we would travel Europe and race every weekend from 1980-1985, he would take us on trips to Mississippi for up to five - eight weeks at a time to see his fathers sister, in 11 years we spent total 3 and a half years travelling the southern states of America, in our street he was the first to have mobile phones, video cameras, huge screen tv's, nintendos, saga mega drives, satellite dishes that rotated, big American trucks, swimming pools and bars in our houses, dripping in hand made platinum, gold and diamond jewellery, go karts, moto x bikes, i would come home from school, hungry because i had not eaten all day, dirty in my mish mash school uniform as i was made to buy my own, and i would be greeted with my few friends from school, even a girlfriend at one time, all laughing and joking, listening to them tell me how great my dad was, plus listen to my dad tell me good things about them and why could i be like them.
This twisted nature would be played across my family and not before long, i was known and accepted as the black sheep and my brother was the special one, the most recent example i can give you is when my brother murdered some one in 2007, there was a long feud with my brother and the victim, my brother even rung people up, went to their house and told them that he done it, the point i am making is that it was clear to any one in my town with half a brain that my brother was guilty, but some how he managed to pursued my uncle to pay 100's of thousands of pounds to solicitors, barristers and silks (QC's) to plead my brothers innocents during his murder trial, not only his trial but his appeal once he was found guilty, for which his appeal was rejected "BECAUSE HE FUCKNG MURDERED SOME ONE. But thats not all, my brother is due for release in two years "and what does my uncle do for him"? gets my mum to leave her house to him in her will, so that he has somewhere to go when he gets out of prison, I'm training to be a Social Scientist, its just as well, because "why" "when" "where" "how" and "what the fuck" , get your head around that.
There is a strange myth that surrounds my family and it goes like this, my brother appears to be unlucky at court, bearing in mind my brother was a career criminal and every time he was arrested was because he got caught for what he done and therefor go to prison afterwards, receiving notoriety and acclaim from my farther and family along the process, it is this that my twisted family interpreted as 'unlucky at court' "NO YOU FUCKTARDS, HE COMMITED A CRIME AND GOT CAUGHT, THATS JUSTICE, YOU BRAINDEAD BUNCH OF FUCKS, but wait, your are my family, i am supposed to love you, please love me back"."im sorry"
Now i can struggle a lot to understand that, but what keeps me awake at night is "read Day five of OU studies" on my blog and you will get the whole picture, although i will break it down for you.
Almost three years ago my ex spent almost two years coercively abusing my, rein acting my brother and my father's abuse, it ended with her stabbing me, well thats what i thought, later, because i could not take no more and i left her, she made false allegations against me, which are brutal and if i am not believed i stand to loose my home, my career, my kitten, and bearing in mind i am the sole live in career for my mum and have been since covid started, i genuinely stand to loose everything, i have been living in hell and fear for almost two years, since leaving her i have been diagnosed with two mental health disorders and a psychosomatic chronic neverwet condition, i take a total of 16 tablets a day, i spend the majority of my day, scared, lost, petrified and uncertain of my future. So after a long time of struggling to reach out and speak "because i genuinely can not take any fucking more, i went to my uncle to ask for help, and he said no.
WWG1WGA