I think i have to put off the inevitable and talk to the SST tomorrow, i will start talks about pressing pause on my studies so far this year and maybe joining the course and pressing play at the same point next year. I feel i may have falling behind to the extent where i may not be able to catch up and in the stress and panic of trying to catch up, that may affect scores on future TMA's.
The last several months have have been particularly difficult and i may not have been able to successfully control my mental health disorders, as i would have liked. I have been very unstable and have not responded well to triggers, triggers for CPTSD, triggers for BPD and triggers for substance misuse.
Within these sets of triggers, are a list of things that i do to avoid those triggers. I have no photos in my home, as photos can take my mind out of reality, back to the past and away from trying to stay present.
I listen to music with no words, classical, jazz and drum and bass, as music with words can create past thoughts and emotions,that will take me back to a traumad place, which also takes me out of the reality and away from living in the present,
I do not watch tv, listen to radio, read newspapers or magazines as these also can do the same. I do not celebrate anniversaries of any kind, birthdays, death days, funerals, weddings any anniversary that has the ability to take me away from trying to live in the present, I recognise my thoughts of them, acknowledge my thoughts of them, and then let them go.
I do not drink coffee, or smoke, i battle daily with substance misuse and i try not to stimulate or depress my central nervous system and mind artificially, i try actions and practices that create natural chemicals within me.
I very much try to put myself in circle that are solution focused and stay away from toxic relationships and people that have a problem for every solution.
If at any moment i fail at any time abstaining from triggers, all of the above mentioned have the potential to ignite thoughts, feelings and emotions of past traumas, which have the ability to challenge my ability to regulate my thoughts feelings, emotions and behaviours and as a result bring about disorder that will affect almost every aspect of my life, negatively.
Its needless to say that after i have spent a day attending to possible triggers, i am tired, and when i have spent a week doing this i am knackered, we move on to a month like this and i am worn out, a year passes and i become weak, and after a decade doing this, i can struggle with the will the live.
Well ladies and gentleman, i was fortunate enough to be born in to misery, in fact, i was concepted in misery, i am 46 now, which means i have spent my entire life attending to myself and i am still here, still work in progress, still solution focused and still not a victim.
My only hope is that the OU recognises this and cuts me break, it would be a shame to waste 5 months of studies, in fact, i will not let the last months become a waste, woebetied any one who tries to make waste of it.
I am only human and i can only try, one thing i promise you chicks and chaps i “Quocunque Jeceris Stabit”.
Day 157 of OU studies
I think i have to put off the inevitable and talk to the SST tomorrow, i will start talks about pressing pause on my studies so far this year and maybe joining the course and pressing play at the same point next year. I feel i may have falling behind to the extent where i may not be able to catch up and in the stress and panic of trying to catch up, that may affect scores on future TMA's.
The last several months have have been particularly difficult and i may not have been able to successfully control my mental health disorders, as i would have liked. I have been very unstable and have not responded well to triggers, triggers for CPTSD, triggers for BPD and triggers for substance misuse.
Within these sets of triggers, are a list of things that i do to avoid those triggers. I have no photos in my home, as photos can take my mind out of reality, back to the past and away from trying to stay present.
I listen to music with no words, classical, jazz and drum and bass, as music with words can create past thoughts and emotions,that will take me back to a traumad place, which also takes me out of the reality and away from living in the present,
I do not watch tv, listen to radio, read newspapers or magazines as these also can do the same. I do not celebrate anniversaries of any kind, birthdays, death days, funerals, weddings any anniversary that has the ability to take me away from trying to live in the present, I recognise my thoughts of them, acknowledge my thoughts of them, and then let them go.
I do not drink coffee, or smoke, i battle daily with substance misuse and i try not to stimulate or depress my central nervous system and mind artificially, i try actions and practices that create natural chemicals within me.
I very much try to put myself in circle that are solution focused and stay away from toxic relationships and people that have a problem for every solution.
If at any moment i fail at any time abstaining from triggers, all of the above mentioned have the potential to ignite thoughts, feelings and emotions of past traumas, which have the ability to challenge my ability to regulate my thoughts feelings, emotions and behaviours and as a result bring about disorder that will affect almost every aspect of my life, negatively.
Its needless to say that after i have spent a day attending to possible triggers, i am tired, and when i have spent a week doing this i am knackered, we move on to a month like this and i am worn out, a year passes and i become weak, and after a decade doing this, i can struggle with the will the live.
Well ladies and gentleman, i was fortunate enough to be born in to misery, in fact, i was concepted in misery, i am 46 now, which means i have spent my entire life attending to myself and i am still here, still work in progress, still solution focused and still not a victim.
My only hope is that the OU recognises this and cuts me break, it would be a shame to waste 5 months of studies, in fact, i will not let the last months become a waste, woebetied any one who tries to make waste of it.
I am only human and i can only try, one thing i promise you chicks and chaps i “Quocunque Jeceris Stabit”.
WWG1WGA