OU blog

Personal Blogs

C J

Day 170 of OU studies

Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Casper Smith, Friday, 2 Apr 2021, 15:41

Off to my home and to carry on with some packing, not the best day out i have ever had but atleast i am being productive and confronting my fears head on and not hiding behind substance misuse. I managed to get the front room packed yesterday, i have boxes i need to tape together today, so i shall fill those and wait for a friend to drop off some more plastic containers, a little each day will make it more manageable, normally i am the kind of person who will get all the equipment i need and bust my balls to get it done in one day, nowadays it's more a case of slowly, slowly catchy monkey and if i am truthful i feel better with the new way of doing things.

After i finished packing yesterday, i came back to my mum's and surprisingly, i felt quite good about myself, the only downfall was that i felt so good i felt the urge to use again, to celebrate that i had accomplished something distressing and not reacted negatively, i know, it's a bizarre concept but thats how substance misuse works, there is no logic or rational, it's complete and utter madness that destroys lives and wrecks families. It's not always bad events can can trigger using and also good events can trigger using too, it's like a reward system that needs the reward commodity to change, instead of rewarding yourself with your drug of choice, you replace it with your favourite treat, i e; chocolate, ice cream, or in my case, profitor rolls stuffed with strawberries, you know the hole that the cream goes in, squash a strawberry in there, it really is the nuts.

Luckley and i mean luckley i had a meeting yesterday at 5-30, which started with an hour of mindful guided meditation, followed by a check in and brief talk about issues raised, i can not begin to explain how much those meetings mean to me, to have a safe place to talk about my demons among people who are not offended or distressed by what i say, who do not judge or struggle to understand, really is a life line that can not be bought. I am almost certain that had i not had a meeting i would of used. With those meetings i do not have to confide in people who do not understand substance misuse and recovery, i e; friends or family, it can be kept separate and, with minimal impact on them.

I would genuinely do anything for the people who tirelessly give their time to help people struggling with substance misuse issues, in fact that was the pinnacle for me restructuring my career and helping the very same people achieving the very same goal. In 2015 i attempted a skydive to show my appreciation to the very same people, also i raised over £1000, and more importantly to me, i managed to overcome issues i had surrounding fear and trust.

Give it a watch if you like, i must admit, i am a bit of a plank thought. Without a shadow of the doubt, nothing in my life has given me a feeling like that. I would recommend and encourage anyone and everyone to give it a go, it's not as scary as you you think, fear can be a fucker!!!!!

Caspar Smith's Fundraising SkyDive

https;//www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdwqnTr7QXU



WWG1WGA

Permalink Add your comment
Share post

Comments

New comment

Hi Casper, Wow that was  amazing Casper well done !


SXR103 chemistry is fun (2008) :-)

New comment

Awesome skydive, Casper !

Jan

C J

New comment

Hey guys, thank you for your kind words, it really does mean alot me, i hope you both are well.

C J

New comment

Hey Matt, thank you for taking time to watch it buddy, when lockdown is over maybe you could treat yourself to one, it really is not as scary as it seems and for some one like myself who has trust and fear issues, it's so empowering, it's unbelievable what it has done for my confidence, honestly buudy, it really has to power to change us.