Happy Easter people, i hope you all enjoy your day. I woke up feeling a little shaky this morning, i am not sure whether i am feeling sorry for myself or whether what i am feeling has some substance. It feels like i am getting no support from my family in regards to my up and coming court case involving my ex and her malicious false allegations against me, which if she is to be believed over me i am facing a 12 year prison sentence. I have never been in this position before and i am scared out of my witts and have been ever since i left her over two years ago and she first made these false allegations.
An issue that i am having is that, at least 20 years ago i was forced to live, work and drive my brother around as he had no licence and would bully me with violence and verbal abuse, as a result of my fathers abuse before him and the violence i received from my ex, i now have a diagnosis of CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), although i have had the symptoms most of my life, i have only recently received a diagnosis.
In 2007 my brother murdered a man and tried to get away with it by saying he did not do it, evan though, to all in the town at the time and the police, it was clear that he done it, in a bid for freedom, he managed to convince my uncle to pay for a top legal team to represent him, at the cost of over £100,000, my brother was found guilty and a further £15,000 was spent on his appeal, which of course he lost.
In committing this murder my brother turned so many lives upside down, the family and friends of the victim and our family, as a result we all moved for fear of reprisals. The majority of my family have always stuck by my brother, to the point where they believe that the legal team that were hired were useless as opposed to my brother actually being in the wrong and guilty. Throughout the my brothers nearly 14 years in prison almost every member of my family have done everything they can to insure that my brother has everything he wants and never goes without anything. Because of my families belief that my brother was the victium
My brother continued his bullying towards me and would emotionally blackmail me to do anything he wanted me to do, my old age disabled mother would be made to travel 500 miles in one day to visit him over a period of years and has bankrolled my brothers stay in prison throughout his sentence, my uncle has evan given my brothers children £1000s for them to go on shopping sprees on behalf of my brother. My brother evan emotionally blackmailed me to ask a key witness in his murder trial to retract his statement, of which i received a 24 month prison sentence, the first and last time i have ever been to such a soul destroying place.
Along with this my mother evan went to court on my brothers behalf, whilst he was serving life for murder, to battle with social services for a large number of years as my brother had his children taken away from him as a result of his violent behaviour towards society, ahain all because of families belief that my brother was a victim.
I have been a live in 24/7 career for my mum for over a year now, i have totally given up my life to help and support her, i literally do anything and everything for her, to the point where, if say no, because sometimes i feel it would be good if she got up and moved, that she will sulk and be moody with me, my brothers input of support for me whilst i have been dealing with my issues alone, is to tell what to do and then scream, shout and tell me he is not interested if i do not agree with him, go along with him and ultimately do as he says, as a result of me being triggered for CPTSD as a result of his aggression towards me, i have terminated my relationship with him, i have asked my uncle if he can help me to which he said no and i get no support or feedback from anyone in my family if i try to talk about or address my concerns.
With all being said i feel so scared and alone it s unbelievable, i have spent several years homeless and i don't believe i felt more alone than this, as i said i live with my mother and continue to listen to my families interaction with my brother, still, enabling him to have what he wants and everything done for him, i really am struggling to deal with the dynamics of my family and how the system works. At least i have this blog to be able to say what and how i feel.
WWG1WGA
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Hi
Try and focus on getting this court case over and done with if you can.
Is it possible for you to move away once this is sorted. I know you care for your mother but would she understand that you need to do this for your own mental wellbeing and she could if she wishes come with you, even if only for a short period of time.
If your family believe your brother is the victim there is nothing you can do to change their views.
Why is it so hard for families to all get along with each other
I have siblings who don't see eye to eye and I'm piggy in the middle. Some days you just get so sick of it.
Take care
Judith
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That's exactly how my mum is Judith "piggy in the middle" she wishes we could all get along as well. which is why i try so hard to keep my opinions to myself and not make her feel like that, it is so hard and sometimes i blurt stuff out and instantly feel bad, that's why i like this blog so much because i can say what i like and get it out from spinning around in my mind, plus every now and then people like yourself are kind enough to notice and reply, which i am truly grateful for, i guess i have to suck it up and as you say get through the court case, if i am honest i am probably feeling sorry for myself. I guess there is no rule book for parenting and folks just have to do the best they can, thank you for your reply Judith, it really does mean a lot to me, i hope you are enjoying your Easter.