Edited by Casper Smith, Wednesday, 12 May 2021, 20:35
Well, having just this minute waking up after a mammoth sleep, i am feeling like i have been cleansed of any over whelming stressful thoughts, the mind and body tells me i need rest however i ignore them both right up until they both just shut down because they can not take anymore. Also it's like I am still rebelling against the forces of my past life that told me "you have to do this right now" "you have to be alert and awake 24/7 and expect the unexpected at all times and be willing to do whatever it takes for who ever chose to control me at the time" which would normally be some kind of criminal drama or having to work all the hours god sends "for next to nothing" to support some scam or family business venture, and its like I'm still saying "fcuk you I can do what I want when I want" "you don't control me no more" I guess I'm still trying to find that balance?
Sometimes the feeling of not being under the spell of somebodies ulterior motives and agenda can be overwhelming to the point i literally do not know what to do with myself, after spending a lifetime being captive to the wants, wishes and demands of people who were hiding under the guise of family being emotionally dragged in any and every direction can take me away from the belief that it is me who is in control of my life now and not the emotional manipulators that tricked me in the past, just because i was willing to sink with the ship that was my family does not meant i should have to or be made to bad if choose not.
I am not really a fan of israel although they have a system called "kibbutz" and "Moshav" and part of their idealist system of living would mean that children would grow up in the company of uncles and aunties and other members of the community instead of their birth parents, and this is the part i like, which takes away any abuse from parents to children and i mean the kind of abuse that is never mentioned in any news article because generally people are not aware that this type of abuse even exists or would even admit that they their selves have abused their children in this way, with emotional manipulation, black male, bribery, favouritism, slave labour just to name a few, sometimes when i am walking the streets i constantly see adults literally dragging their child while screaming threats of all the above mentioned, while reminding them if they don't shut they will face consequences or if they shut up they will receive this that or the other i really do doubt that these are the same parents that would not think of treating an adult like that. It has been proven that when children are taken away from that environment that the children grow to be ,ore rounded and developed humans.
I don't provide links anymore and i do not know the way to the nearest library.
Day 221 of OU studies
Well, having just this minute waking up after a mammoth sleep, i am feeling like i have been cleansed of any over whelming stressful thoughts, the mind and body tells me i need rest however i ignore them both right up until they both just shut down because they can not take anymore. Also it's like I am still rebelling against the forces of my past life that told me "you have to do this right now" "you have to be alert and awake 24/7 and expect the unexpected at all times and be willing to do whatever it takes for who ever chose to control me at the time" which would normally be some kind of criminal drama or having to work all the hours god sends "for next to nothing" to support some scam or family business venture, and its like I'm still saying "fcuk you I can do what I want when I want" "you don't control me no more" I guess I'm still trying to find that balance?
Sometimes the feeling of not being under the spell of somebodies ulterior motives and agenda can be overwhelming to the point i literally do not know what to do with myself, after spending a lifetime being captive to the wants, wishes and demands of people who were hiding under the guise of family being emotionally dragged in any and every direction can take me away from the belief that it is me who is in control of my life now and not the emotional manipulators that tricked me in the past, just because i was willing to sink with the ship that was my family does not meant i should have to or be made to bad if choose not.
I am not really a fan of israel although they have a system called "kibbutz" and "Moshav" and part of their idealist system of living would mean that children would grow up in the company of uncles and aunties and other members of the community instead of their birth parents, and this is the part i like, which takes away any abuse from parents to children and i mean the kind of abuse that is never mentioned in any news article because generally people are not aware that this type of abuse even exists or would even admit that they their selves have abused their children in this way, with emotional manipulation, black male, bribery, favouritism, slave labour just to name a few, sometimes when i am walking the streets i constantly see adults literally dragging their child while screaming threats of all the above mentioned, while reminding them if they don't shut they will face consequences or if they shut up they will receive this that or the other i really do doubt that these are the same parents that would not think of treating an adult like that. It has been proven that when children are taken away from that environment that the children grow to be ,ore rounded and developed humans.
I don't provide links anymore and i do not know the way to the nearest library.
WWG1WGA