Today has been a lonely existence, i have spent the last few days in my room, only going down stairs to cook dinner for my mum, do chores and attend to Kitten. I don't how to change the feeling of being outcasted, i have manged to really piss my mum off and that is part of the reason that i feel misplaced, i guess it's up to me to apologise and take a telling off. In the heat of an argument my mum told me that people in my family are still holding grudges for me displaying symptoms of metal illness and behaviours as a result of substance missus, which really put in to focus how my and why my family have been treating me the way they do, i am surrounded by people that judge while i fall, do nothing to help and point fingers in blame, all the while, this controversy over shadows any misgivings that any one else may occur and they go on to stand in the light as the model citizens. I will no longer be the fool guy and once i have removed myself from this situation the spotlight will cease to shine on me and maybe highlight the faults of all, i will not be around to say i told you so and they will live with their choices. I wonder who will be the fall guy then and i wonder if people will start to look inwards instead of shifting the blame to an outward source. No more bitter feelings, no more feelings of regret, no more vacant feelings of longing for for an existence that will never be validated. No more blind loyalty and more feeling inadequate because of someone's inability to grasp the concept of resistibility.
WWG1WGA
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Hi Casper
May be feelings between you and your mum are running high with your court case drawing closer
She’s probably very worried about you and what might happen if things don’t go well ☹️
Not necessarily about herself (you care for her) but for you and your mental health.
Judith
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Hey Judith, i think you may be right, i have a tendency to get so caught up in my own mind that i do not think of the impact that it will be having on other people, i am so use to being left alone and pushed aside to deal with my life on my own it's easy for me to think that i am on my still on my own, when i am on my own its easier as i can understand why i don't have to take anyone's feelings in to account, i guess i should try harder to recognise that i am no longer on my and i should bare that in mind. Thank you Judith, i do appreciate the time you take to respond to me, plus you give me a chance to think about things differently.