One of my favourite words is *sincere*. Its soft, double syllables glide easily off the tongue, offering a sense of comfort. To me, it’s a soothing word, evoking the presence of people I admire—those who are genuine, kind, and without pretence. There’s a sense of warmth, almost like the Danish *hygge*, that comes with sincerity. But it’s also a word that calls for self-reflection. Do I bring that same sense of comfort and authenticity to others?
There’s a difference, though, between moments where we might lack sincerity and the deeper presence of people whose energy feels truly harmful. The latter can have a profound impact on our well-being.
Some time ago, I had a realization: certain people in my life were draining my happiness. There was a constant undercurrent of gossip, lack of empathy, and even control. It took courage, but I made the decision to step away and seek new friendships. It wasn’t easy—many of these people were part of my life for years. But in doing so, I found more peace and joy. My epiphany was this: I was happy in myself, but I had allowed the negativity of others to cloud that happiness.
Letting go of people who drain you can be difficult, especially when they are close to you—family members, co-workers, or long-time friends. But sometimes, we must walk through the darkness to reach a new dawn, a fresh start.
Ask yourself: How do the people in your life treat you? Do they wear down your confidence, then brush it off with "I was just joking" or "You're too sensitive"? Do they make decisions for you, leaving you feeling powerless? Are they kind to your face, but critical behind your back? These behaviours can slowly erode your sense of self.
It’s important to be realistic and not expect that toxic people will suddenly change. They may have behaved this way for years, and hoping for them to be different won’t bring peace. The old saying, "Marry in haste; repent at leisure," holds some truth—big decisions about relationships should be made with careful thought.
Can you recognize the people in your life who make you unhappy? Perhaps they are narcissistic, always putting themselves first. Or maybe they drain your energy with constant negativity or gossip. I remember someone I knew who always spoke of others with disdain, spreading bitterness. It was hard to be around her, and I found myself withdrawing, as did others.
If it’s your partner causing distress, there may be practical barriers to leaving, but it’s worth exploring other possibilities. There might be support networks or friends who understand what you’re going through. And if there is violence involved, it’s crucial to take steps to protect yourself and any children who may be affected.
If it’s friends or family who are the issue, try seeking out new social groups where you can meet like-minded people—whether through walking clubs, photography, or other activities. You might find new connections with people who have shared similar experiences.
There's a promise of happiness expressed in the Psalmist's words when we are careful who we choose as companions
Dealing With Energy-draining people: Cutting the Links
Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
or set foot on the path of sinners,
or sit in the seat of mockers
Psalm 1:1 (BSB)
Image by https://unsplash.com/@trhammerhead
One of my favourite words is *sincere*. Its soft, double syllables glide easily off the tongue, offering a sense of comfort. To me, it’s a soothing word, evoking the presence of people I admire—those who are genuine, kind, and without pretence. There’s a sense of warmth, almost like the Danish *hygge*, that comes with sincerity. But it’s also a word that calls for self-reflection. Do I bring that same sense of comfort and authenticity to others?
There’s a difference, though, between moments where we might lack sincerity and the deeper presence of people whose energy feels truly harmful. The latter can have a profound impact on our well-being.
Some time ago, I had a realization: certain people in my life were draining my happiness. There was a constant undercurrent of gossip, lack of empathy, and even control. It took courage, but I made the decision to step away and seek new friendships. It wasn’t easy—many of these people were part of my life for years. But in doing so, I found more peace and joy. My epiphany was this: I was happy in myself, but I had allowed the negativity of others to cloud that happiness.
Letting go of people who drain you can be difficult, especially when they are close to you—family members, co-workers, or long-time friends. But sometimes, we must walk through the darkness to reach a new dawn, a fresh start.
Ask yourself: How do the people in your life treat you? Do they wear down your confidence, then brush it off with "I was just joking" or "You're too sensitive"? Do they make decisions for you, leaving you feeling powerless? Are they kind to your face, but critical behind your back? These behaviours can slowly erode your sense of self.
It’s important to be realistic and not expect that toxic people will suddenly change. They may have behaved this way for years, and hoping for them to be different won’t bring peace. The old saying, "Marry in haste; repent at leisure," holds some truth—big decisions about relationships should be made with careful thought.
Can you recognize the people in your life who make you unhappy? Perhaps they are narcissistic, always putting themselves first. Or maybe they drain your energy with constant negativity or gossip. I remember someone I knew who always spoke of others with disdain, spreading bitterness. It was hard to be around her, and I found myself withdrawing, as did others.
If it’s your partner causing distress, there may be practical barriers to leaving, but it’s worth exploring other possibilities. There might be support networks or friends who understand what you’re going through. And if there is violence involved, it’s crucial to take steps to protect yourself and any children who may be affected.
If it’s friends or family who are the issue, try seeking out new social groups where you can meet like-minded people—whether through walking clubs, photography, or other activities. You might find new connections with people who have shared similar experiences.
There's a promise of happiness expressed in the Psalmist's words when we are careful who we choose as companions
Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
or set foot on the path of sinners,
or sit in the seat of mockers
Psalm 1:1 (BSB)