Personal Blogs

Explain the importance of positive relationships and effective communication when supporting individuals with mental ill health. 

The importance of positive relationships:

People are fragile; fragile in their ability to believe in themselves. One of the ways that people affirm their relevance is by talking about other people when those people are absent. Because most of us are so fragile that we compare ourselves to other people in the hope of finding some kind of malfeasance or aberration in those other people which does not exist in us, we need to make announcements to friends, colleagues, and relatives of our brilliance by inferring the possession of opposite traits to the slurred persons. However, only the most crass person would make direct comparisons out loud. In diminishing other people during conversation (some would say gossip) we might say ‘She can’t keep a job’ and ‘She sponges off the Government’ to infer by suppressed premises that if one can say that about another in a disapproving manner, then one is not of the same ilk, or is better than that.

In order for this kind of conversation to take place, there must exist, at least, a perception in the speaker that the recipient of these treacherous statements is receptive to such atrocious postulation. In these situations there is a mutual bonding taking place, or a reaffirmation of a bond.

Sadly, it is the human condition to make comparisons to other people, past or present. Even in a religious group there should be a continuous and concerted striving to be a better person than one has been in the past or, in a fug of self-righteousness, better than the ‘nasty’ person they have just encountered in the shop or at the bus-stop. How then can we have a positive relationship with anyone if we are different to the norm that the individual is used to, without also ‘back-stabbing’? If we are different to the person we are trying to reach, will that person relax in our presence?

With this in mind, a positive relationship with an individual with mental ill health, when supporting them, must either be fully intertwined with an acceptance of their mental ill health which may present as them being part of the hegemony of talking about people behind their backs (which is plainly a sign of mental ill health - doubting themselves or feeling insecure or diminished); or completely refrain from mentioning their insipid perception of others and their characteristic of openly maligning other people. So, the dichotomy is whether to be mentally ill and join in, or ignore this widespread manifestation of mental ill health in others and be seen as ‘holier than thou’. It is not without purpose that many religions have an underlying current of advising the supplicant to be non-judgemental; In other words – don’t bring someone down in your estimation to make yourself feel better.

Here then, we can understand that making no judgement and refraining from making declarative statements is a good position to be in when preparing a figurative garden for positive relationships to grow. And, this is certainly where one should be when supporting someone with mental ill health.

Putting aside narcissism and its cousins as being aspects of mental ill health, and driving too fast, unprotected sex, and getting drunk at the weekends as being self-harm, perhaps we should focus on the blatant and most commonly perceived mental ill health manifestations and, more keenly, on vocally expressed mental angst or ill health as being the best grounds for positive relationships to be efficacious when in support of someone with mental ill-health; as in ‘I am the same as you’.

Many full time employees spend more time at work than at home with their families, or in the company of their friends and preferred acquaintances. This actually might not be true yet it is true that they may not be adequately engaged with their families – either they are asleep or lack fertile consciousness in a flagging relationship. If a fruitful engagement is lacking outside of work, then it is important that the individual is in a positive environment at work, if only as a bolt-hole. In a positive work environment, with positive relationships, there is a reduction of the chance of employees feeling isolated. Many isolated individuals can descend into an attitude of low motivation and low morale. Of course, these two traits, from the business’ position will negatively impact on productivity or the quality of the work effort.

However, where there are positive relationships, populated by trust, encouragement, empathy, and support, employees should feel more positive in their approach to problems, at work and outside of work, and even the banality of their work if their role involves repetitious effort or mundane tasks. With positive relationships at work, even though they may be superficial and conditional on being an employee at the same work site, there is good reason to believe that absenteeism is reduced and there is a better worker to output ratio.

The importance of communication, including having difficult conversations and active listening:

A question that arises here is: How far should Corporate Social Responsibility extend, and what should be included in the package?

Of course, company policies and procedures, Health & Safety Regulations, and hierarchical protocols need to be made clear to the inductee during an initial meeting at work. And, certainly, these aspects of being in work need to be re-iterated or, at least, available to the employees. Yet, how far should the employer reach into their employees personal lives?

While, large organisations may have an HR department that can handle mental health issues, most of the UK’s economy is made up of SMEs (Small and Medium Enterprises). In fact, according to businessadvice.co.uk, 99% of the nation’s business population is an SME, which together employ 60% of the country’s workforce. SMEs individually have less than 250 employees and an annual turnover of less than £50 million GBP.

Communication is so important that it is problematic when the content or direction of communication is inappropriate, or perceived to be invasive. As for difficult conversations, there must be at least one participant who has an even countenance and a large degree of equanimity. Where does a small business find someone like that?

Realistically, a good listener who can show empathy is most useful when difficult conversations are to be had or commence. Someone trained in Personal Sales, particularly Solution Sales, would be a good person to designate as the go-to mental health person. Let us never forget that any concerns that an employee has about their work conditions and environment is indicative of a risk factor for mental ill health. Work-related issues SHOULD therefore be dealt with, with one eye on preventing, diverting, or alleviating mental anxiety.

From a wide and wistful perspective, the two old chaps working together at jointly hand-sawing a log at a sawyers mill, who barely talk at all is a scene of connectedness, even communication; if this is a scene in ‘The Waltons’, the 1970s television series set somewhere on an American mountain. Today, the trust in a work colleague’s ability and capacity can be as reassuring to employees as when there is a fevered to-and-fro rap between a conversation’s participants. Inevitably though, someone with mental ill health will have a predilection towards using their SmartPhone to assuage their worries and their inability to ameliorate their perceived problems; the typical ‘Ostrich with its head in the sand’ syndrome.

In contrast, if we go back to ‘The Waltons’ scene there is a reassurance of stability, trust, and a well of sound advice waiting to quench any thirst when feeling uneasy. This lack of vocal conversation is the most valuable, and rarest, facet of good communication.

Postive relationships require communication, and communication that is intended to be effective as a platform for understanding an individual will likely be open to shared work concerns and reciprocal support. Participants in this type of communication might include managers, supervisors, work colleagues holding the same position, tutors, and welfare staff (including HR).

Back to SmartPhones: Active listening usually means showing the speaker that one is listening to them. Often, this is accomplished by paraphrasing their statements and sending it back to them. This assures the speaker that they are making sense and they are understood by an attentive and interested person. In the modern day, a dilemma arises on whether a SmartPhone in the meeting should be used during a conversation to access a website that pertains to mental health, or clarification on a legal aspect, or something else that is currently being discussed. We, commonly, believe that the use of a digital device during a conversation with a real person in the same room (analogue conversation) is indicative of diverted attention. It is, however, fine to use a pen and paper, in a 1970 / 80s film scene that is set in a psychiatrists office.

Whether to actually take notes is a bone of contention; many people would feel slighted if the listener did not take notes. It comes down to this: if the listener has never had any kind of therapy or attended a GP or A&E department at a hospital with any kind of serious problem then this listener would not be inclined to take notes because they might be following an idea that it shows a lack of concentration on the speaker’s words (diverted attention).

If the SPEAKER has had therapy or attended their GP or A&E with a serious condition they would be used to having notes taken as they speak. Consequently, this speaker would feel affronted and ignored if notes are not taken. Whether the speaker is talking nonsense or not, the words, disjointed sentences, and spoken references, are important to them at that time. Special attention MUST be shown to those words, and particularly any emphasis placed on them. We all know, though, that if you write your thoughts down when you come back from the pub on a Friday night, the next morning they make no sense. Nonetheless, they were important at the time. If the words are nonsense in listening circumstances then just doodle notes if you are listening, or even not listening.

The hazard here is that only one in four people will experience strong mental ill health; which means that three in four people believe they are normal and they use a misaligned form of thinking to deal with other people, more specifically the one person in four segment of the population. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ Completely wrong when you are dealing with mental crisis or any kind of relationship – it takes no consideration of what the other person(s) actually feel and what THEY want to happen. The Biblical sense behind the statement is that one should not steal from; lie to; attack; talk about; take advantage of; another person. It makes no in-roads into deciding what personal preferences someone else has.

Certainly, CARES, one of many Customer Service protocols, has:

Communication as its first goal - clearly communicate the process and set expectations;

Accountability - taking responsibility for fixing the problem;

Responsiveness - don’t make the customer wait for for your communication or solution;

Empathy – acknowledge the impact that the situation has on the customer;

Solution – at the end of the day, make sure to solve the issue(s) or answer the question.