Personal Blogs

“Love is the only reality, and it is not a mere sentiment.

 It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation.” – Rabindranath Tagore

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You will find then everywhere. In your congregation, family, school and workplace. Narcissists are nothing new. They can be traced all the way back to the Garden of Eden, where the serpent tempted Eve with the promise, “You will be like God.” That same spirit of pride—the original sin—caused Satan’s fall and continues to weave its way into human hearts. When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, the devil made his intentions clear: he wanted worship. “Away from me, Satan!” Jesus responded, refusing to engage further. He didn’t waste time in debate, knowing that doing so would only play into Satan’s hands. 

As Christians, we’re called to humility—the very opposite of narcissism. But life often places us face-to-face with people who thrive on pride, manipulation, and control. These interactions can be draining, even damaging, if we’re not careful. Recognizing the signs early can help us avoid unnecessary conflict and protect our hearts from their influence. 

Narcissists often come across as confident and charismatic at first. They might even seem like the kind of people you’d want to follow or admire. But over time, certain patterns emerge. They talk endlessly about their accomplishments and seek admiration rather than offering genuine interest in others. They twist situations to their advantage, dismiss others’ feelings, and crave constant validation. When something goes wrong, they’re quick to shift blame, never owning up to their mistakes. 

It’s easy to get caught in their orbit, especially if you don’t notice these behaviours early on. I’ve learned this the hard way. Years ago, I tried to resolve a misunderstanding with someone who, in hindsight, clearly exhibited narcissistic tendencies. No matter how calmly or reasonably I approached the situation, they turned every conversation into a battle for control. By the end of each exchange, I felt drained and unheard. I see now that engaging with them only fed their need for attention and dominance. 

Proverbs 26:4 offers a bit of timeless wisdom: “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.” Arguing with a narcissist is like wrestling with quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you sink. They aren’t interested in understanding or resolution; they thrive on conflict and the attention it brings. 

So how do we respond as Christians? Jesus’ teaching to “love your enemies” doesn’t mean we have to let ourselves be mistreated. Boundaries are crucial. Protecting your heart is an act of stewardship, as Proverbs 4:23 reminds us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Sometimes that means limiting your exposure to people who drain your emotional and spiritual energy. 

When confrontation becomes unavoidable, it’s important to speak truth with love. But I’ve found it’s equally important to know when to stop. Endless debates with someone who won’t listen lead nowhere well. Instead, I pray for discernment, asking God to help me navigate difficult relationships with grace. 

And then there’s the hardest part: leaving justice in God’s hands. Romans 12:19 reminds us not to seek revenge but to trust God to set things right. It’s tempting to try and “fix” the situation or make the narcissist see the harm they’ve caused, but that’s not always our role. 

At the same time, these encounters can be humbling. They remind me that I’m not immune to the pull of pride. Jesus’ parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18 is a sobering reminder of this. The Pharisee’s boastful prayer mirrors the spirit of narcissism, while the tax collector’s humble plea— “God, have mercy on me, a sinner”—reflects the posture we should strive for.  When dealing with narcissists, it’s wise to set firm boundaries and avoid getting pulled into their games. But we should also pray for them, that their hearts might soften and turn toward God. And through it all, we can follow Christ’s example—standing firm in truth, refusing to be drawn into prideful traps, and choosing humility and love over conflict.